Out with the old

Here it is, the last day of May.  I've written to you all before that I love the "firsts" of things, such as new months, places, jobs, and so on because they give us a chance at starting over: of doing things right this time.  Today, though, I want to concentrate for a few moments on the "lasts" of things, because who of us is promised tomorrow?  Mmn hmn.  Exactly!

I've been discouraged lately in some areas of my life.  Stagnant.  Rebellious.  Distant.  Disheartened.  Mad, even.  I wrote recently about losing a dear friend, Betty, my "Number One Facebook Supporter" of this blog.  Although technically she hasn't passed yet, the doctors say she won't regain consciousness.  When I visited with her last week, I believe she heard my words, felt my touch, and mostly, I trust that she sensed my presence and the love I feel towards her.  I also mentioned losing my friend Lisa several weeks ago.  Although we weren't as close in the end as we were in certain times, the impact she made on my life gave me much inspiration and many topics to write about.

Between the two of these losses, I could easily bury my head in the sand and stay there, content in my misery and sense of loss.  I could burrow in the comfort of my Pretty Purple Room as I ponder the sense of what it's all about anyways.  I could never pick up a pen, touch the keyboard, or voice my thoughts via videos and just let myself be overwhelmed with the futility that must resemble that of which Solomon felt when he penned his thoughts on the vanity of life in the Book of Ecclesiastes.  However, like Solomon wrote, there is a time and a season for all things.  And the time to keep silent has passed!

As I finished reading the Book of Isaiah this morning, there were a few passages that stood out to me but the one posted in the picture illustrates my wandering thoughts today:  "You who make mention of the Lord, do not keep silent."  It was as though God Himself was encouraging me, telling me to keep at it.  Whether my audience is vast or is only one soul, is it not important--vital, even--to share the things God reveals through me in all circumstances?  I think so!  Those who are meant to read it and be touched by it will be.  We can't all be like-minded all of the time but sometimes...Sometimes can't we just agree that our Lord is worthy and greatly to be praised?  I don't want the rocks to do my job for me.  Thus, the days of being hardened are over!

Yeah, I like new beginnings and tomorrow I am going to start a new form of blogging for a month, thanks to an invitation by SouthernSavers.com.   Here's the link, for those of you who may want to join me:  http://www.southernplate.com/2016/05/june-scripture-writing-plan.html.  The challenge is this:  to write down a  passage of scripture each day and to ponder it.  Hey:  even for a slacker like me, that's not too hard!  The topic is on forgiveness and I certainly can continually glean more on this issue since it's such a necessity in my daily living.  My hubby is going to do it with me and hopefully between the two of us holding one another accountable, we will stick to this 30-Day Challenge and learn much.  But, for those of you who may not have such a handsome accountability partner, I offer to you...me.  Join me here tomorrow as we walk our way through the Bible and draw closer to understanding just what forgiveness is all about.  Plus, if you join me and my ol' man has for some reason slacked off, you can keep me on track!  You know what happens when I wander!  

Let's pray!

Dear Lord God, as I contemplate the past couple of months and the losses I have faced, I apologize.  I'm sorry for taking my eyes off of You and withdrawing into myself.  You are all too familiar with sorrows Yourself, Father, and I should have run to You instead of hiding in myself.  Yes, there are seasons in life and some of those aren't the fun ones that we'd prefer go through.  As I purpose to (once again) do better, I ask that You send me some folks to keep me on my toes.  Thank You for the kind words from Sarah, Kathleen, Ressie, Joy, and from Veronica Shah that helped to encourage me as I shuffled about in my despair.  Lord, I need lots of pats on the backs.  I need many words to uplift me and to validate me.  But mostly Father?  I need to stay focused on You and keep my eyes ahead and not behind.  Thank You for another opportunity to do it right.  In the name of Jesus I pray:  amen.

I Hate You, Death

I hate you, Death.  You thief.  Robber.  Destroyer.  You take our loved ones from us but can you take them quietly and peacefully?  Oh no:  that wouldn't satisfy the likes of you.  You have to demean, wreak havoc, and steal joy before that last breath has been breathed.

I hate you, Death.  You take away dignity.  Instead of leaving us with pretty moments and memories, you choose instead to make life ugly, disgusting, and replace those good feelings with ones of debility.

I hate you, Death.  Often you come with warning--too much perhaps?  For when you prolong your visit, you tend to create chaos, allowing greed and angst to flow fervently whereas when you come silently, those emotions are often delayed and the loved one passes somewhat peaceably.

I hate you, Death.  You take away but you don't leave us empty-handed.  In your endeavor to take what is good, right, holy, pure, lovely, and admirable you seek to replace the good with ugly words, selfish desires, and wounds that may never heal.

We're Not In Kansas Anymore

Many of you know my husband and I went on a great adventure last week. We visited the Sedona and Grand Canyon of Arizona, went and stood on the corner in Winslow, and then made our way to Albuquerque. New Mexico was next and then the highlight and major point of interest of our trip: the Colorado Rocky Mountains. What a tremendous beauty awaited us there!

Next, we drove through--all the way through!--the great state of Kansas, which purports to being the sunflower state but at this time of the year I wasn't able to enjoy that proclamation. I also didn't see Dorothy, nor as we entered into Missouri was there a sign to let me know I wasn't in Kansas anymore. However, there was a sign (as you see pictured) that told me much about this pretty state that Oz likes so much. It got me to wondering: hmn, Stef, if there was a sign up about you for the whole universe to see, what would it say? What information would be included on it? What key points would be made obvious so that that portion of me wasn't to be missed and what parts would be left out, because either they are hidden treasures for only a few to find or perhaps because they are just best left unseen? What features would be highlighted and touted? And, lastly, what would my history say made me this way?

Wow: that's a lot of questions, huh? Hmn hmn hmn. Let me see if I can answer a few and then, as good tourists do, how about you add your responses so I can see what impressions I have left upon you?

The Kansas sign started out talking about a particular region so I will begin by talking about this period of my life. Way into my middle ages, you can see the ground covered as you look into my soulful eyes. Look deeply and you can see the traces of the rivers of tears that have been shed--both happy and sad ones. Look further and you might see the clouds that often shadow my baby blues in hopes of you not discovering all of my past mistakes that often try to haunt me. If you just give my eyes a quick once over, you will see obvious joy because that is what I choose most often to reveal to you.

Those lines on my faces? Uh oh. What stories do they tell? The wrinkles, the creases, the scars? The furrowed brow (although my eyebrows are so light you have to look quite closely for those!). Each tells its own tale of pain, of infections removed, of cancers taken away, and one is there from waaaaaay back from when I was hit near the eye from a baseball. That didn't damage my sight, thank the Good Lord, but it did give me a new appreciation for the gift of vision.

Check out the rest of my body. Be kind! It has some extra padding because through the years I used food as my security when things got too tough. "That's a lot of extra skin" you might say. Well, yes, but maybe that in itself tells you more than you care to fish further for.

More scars are located in various locations. The one I am most proud of but will not be showing you pics of is located on my stomach, from where my beautiful daughter was taken. There's one below it (that you also will not see) that shows where no more babies would be coming from. It's too sad to ponder on so let's move on, shall we? My arms, legs, and back have many more scars from various skin cancers removed. Thankfully, there are no other surgery scars to report so most of my battles have only been skin deep. Ha! Now that's an analogy if I ever heard one!

My left foot has a barely discernible scar from a catfight with my sister Mary. I smile when I look at it 'cause we were kids and did some dumb stuff. Mary's gone but when I look at this scar, she is still with me. I also have two other siblings who left their marks but again, those scars you won't be privy to. Call them the unexplorable regions.

Okay, before I ramble on much more, let's finish this road sign. I have some places I'd love to share with you that aren't evident on my body map. The place where I met Jesus isn't on here. The many scrapes He got me out of won't be able to be seen with the naked eye but you know what? That's why He gave me a voice: to tell you of them. As you know, if you are a faithful reader, you get to read about them often! But how I wish I could take you to some of them, friends. From the mountaintop experiences to the valley of the shadows to the curves in the road and the bumps along this wandering journey, Christ Jesus has been my Guide. Yes, there were times I tried to travel the road less traveled and wound up getting into territory I had no business being in. However, all I had to do was cry out to Him and He beckoned me back, to safety, to home.

In conclusion, if there was a sign, a billboard, or just a notecard that had to sum up the Wandering Stef, it would have a lot to say. Or, perhaps, like the old expression goes "a picture is worth more than a thousand words" it might just be that: a photograph of me for you to determine what and who I am. Like the Mona Lisa, there's more to me than meets the eye. Lucky for you, you don't have to go to a museum to find me! ;)

Let's pray!

Dear Lord, once again I have stumbled about, trying to make some sense from a seemingly random thought. Will You bless what I am trying to say as I endeavour to point others to You? Will You let the folks who read this see that our lives are on constant display and we need to be reflecting You? Will You help me especially, God, 'cause I am the one who needs it the most, to ever be mindful that one day my life will be over and it's what I do now that matters most? Not the things of my past: those cannot be undone. Not my future hopes and dreams because You have not promised me tomorrow. May my daily billboard be one that proclaims Jesus Saves, Redeems, and Restores. That is my prayer, asked in Your Son's precious name: amen.

The God on the Mountain

Dave Loggins has been begging me for years to do it. Before him, there was John Denver singing of his beloved Rocky Mountains. Add Trisha Yearwood singing about the song remembering when as she and an old love rolled through them. Lastly, Tim McGraw talked about things on his dad's bucket list that included climbing here. So you see, I really had no choice but to come to Denver, Colorado, see the snowfall, climb those Rockies (ahem, well at least walk on them wink emoticon ), and definitely roll through them with my own love.

Ahh, the mountains! Whether they are the gorgeous ones I just got to experience these last few days or my beloved Blue Ridge Mountains back in North Carolina, there is just something so special about being up high, further away from the crowds, and oh so much closer to God. Jesus Himself took pleasure and found relief in going to the mountain. He told us all about how He'd go there and pray, away from the others, so He could be alone with His Father. He needed to do this. So did I.

Isn't amazing what perspective can do for one? I remember years ago when I was a kid, watching an episode of "Little House on the Prairie." Half Pint had gotten into one of her messes and she recalled her preacher saying something to the effect of "The closer you are to God, the more likely He is to listen to you." Taking it out of context, she ran away to the mountains, thinking if she was up higher to heaven that her prayers would be heard and thus answered differently than if she stayed in her valley. Of course, it all worked out for her, as she soon realized (after all, it was only a sixty minute show wink emoticon ) that it wasn't as much about physical proximity to Christ as it was spiritual closeness to the One Who can answer our tiniest to the most important of our prayers.

As Steve and I make our way back East and get to go through The Great Smoky Mountains, I am sure I will once again be reminded of the power of God to create such beauty for my wandering eyes to behold, surely, but also to reflect on just how amazing He is to make such a creation for the likes of me. In addition, I will be continually humbled that while such wonders exist, the most wondrous of all is that He would allow a wretch such as myself to commune with Him wherever I may be. I don't have to be elevated physically to get to talk to Him: I just have to be mentally alert enough to realize no matter where I am in body, it's my spirit, my soul, that needs to be in tune with His song.

"Go rest high on that mountain," sang Vince Gill. I did. But my work is not yet done. So, until my final hurrah, I will thank God daily for His blessings, His love, His marvelous creations, and continue seeking Him wherever I may wander.

By the time I make Albuquerque

Day Four of our great Southwest Adventure takes a turn towards the North as Steve and I plot our route to Denver, which was the original choice for this vacation of ours.  Thus far we've been to Arizona and have enjoyed the wondrous creations of the Sedona and Grand Canyon.  Wow!  What marvels abound in God's territory!  

As we've driven around the state, we have pondered indeed what is man that God is mindful of him.  We've reveled in the highs of the mountains and the lows of the valleys, wondering if God perhaps just stomped His foot once during creation to see what would happen and, voila`!  There is the magnificent divide of the canyons, deserts, and plains.  If so, nice job, Father!  

Our trip has offered us many opportunities to mingle with the laid back country folks, as well as some tourists.  Most experiences have been pleasant as backgrounds have been discussed and next points of interests related.  For instance, there was a man yesterday who told us that his backyard was the Painted Desert and all of his friends who knew he lived there were in awe due to the one photograph someone had taken to entice folks to visit that area of Arizona.  He laughed as he recalled how that man had spent over ten years waiting for that perfect shot and how in reality that vision only took place for about fifteen minutes of each day.  

So with the good there's always some bad, right, to keep one focused and grounded?  Panhandlers.  Sigh.  As we stood on the corner in Winslow, Arizona yesterday, there was this man, biding his time while we took the token photos, and then he approached us, story in hand, hand extended for a hand out.  Ugh.  And last night, as we were leaving our hotel to go explore and get some authentic New Mexican Cuisine (which by the way was wonderful at Little Anita's!) we were accosted by a woman with her young daughter.  Sob story flowing through her fake tears, she explained how she knew Steve worked hard for his money as she did hers.  However, they missed the meal at the mission and could we....blah blah blah.  I had just taken out a couple of apples (as Steve explained that we don't carry cash) and offered them to the females in front of me, wondering if that would satisfy a real need or if they were just playing us.  The child gladly took hers and began to bite into it as the mother thanked us profusely but I could tell by her eyes that she was just trying to keep her act going as her eyes were already scanning the horizon, on the search for her next prey.

As we began to drive off, consciouses confused as to whether there was any truth to their plight, I saw said woman being what appeared to be berated by a man (her pimp, perhaps?) as she only had the apple to offer him.  Head low, I could almost feel her fear and shame as she had not been successful in her quest with us.  Affirmed that we had indeed been played, our hearts nonetheless were disquieted within us as conversed on many of the possibilities that made people act and be treated this way.

Sigh.

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand."  (Proverbs 19:21)

I am sure this was not the life this woman dreamed of living.  And her daughter/accomplice?  What dreams does she have that are dwindling daily as she panhandles her youth away?  Heartbreaking is what it is.  

Steve and I are still confused as to whether we should have done more.  We planned us an action scheme for the next time, for there is sure to be one.  Until then, as our plans continue, we can only pray that we will be wise as serpents, gentle as doves as we try to represent the love of Christ wherever we roam.  Pray for us?  Thanks!

All Aboard!

Yesterday, my family and I enjoyed an afternoon of fun at Tweetsie Railroad.  It was our youngest grandson's first time and we were all excited to show him around and watch his face and hear his expressions of delight as this new world was opened up to him.

During a rare moment of having him to myself while the others rode the "big kid" rides, I scanned the crowd and saw this guy that made me think "Hey, that looks a lot like this fella I used to know.  Hmn."  About that time, my wandering eyes alighted upon this woman who was definitely his wife.  Delighted, I cried out her name and then...well, then it was kind of awkward.

Obviously, they were not there alone.  I mean, who goes to Tweetsie without kids, right?  Anyways, we did the usual "Hey, it's so good to see you" fluff and banter and then, did I mention it got awkward?  Sigh.  A while later, our paths crossed again but this time most of my family was with me.  We talked about our kids for a moment but as often happens at amusement parks, said kids want some quality time and attention with their caregivers so the conversation soon ended.

On the way home as Steve and I were alone once more, my great husband proved once again why he is my favorite and why I am not always as crazy as some one tries to whisper in my ear that I am.

"Uh, was the conversation strained or was it just my imagination" he asked of me.  Relieved that he too had noticed, we discussed our "reunion" with this couple and tried to decipher when the exact moment was that we had gone from being great friends who depended on one another for most things to these near strangers who really didn't seem to wish to be in the other couple's orbit.  "What happened anyways" Steve asked me?

Now, the old me would have immediately harped on things that were said, feelings that were deeply hurt, and betrayal that ran deep.  But you know what?  I couldn't find that old Stef!  As a matter of fact, I didn't want to.  Like in those movies you see sometimes where you are having a conversation with someone and the "heavenly you" observes from over your shoulder, I heard myself saying something to the effect of "I really don't remember.  Nor do I care to.  Those things were a while back and I have found when I dwell on my past, all too often it just hurts me.  And I'm tired of the devil constantly trying to steal my joy.  So, instead, Lover, it's buried somewhere deep inside and to be honest, I am not interested in trying to dig it up."

Like God promised His children in the book of Isaiah:

"Do not remember the former things,
Nor consider the things of old.
Behold, I will do a new thing..."

How wonderful He is to take those negative events and replace them with new:  new opportunities to build friendships that are sustainable; new folks who are mature enough to handle difficulties when they arise; and new...things!  He ends this verse with "Shall you not know it?"

Well, yes, Lord, I believe I shall!  There's a reason my past is behind me and the times I waste going back there are most often non-productive.  So, yes, Father, I want to know these new things, want to know You better, and want to know what real love is!  Thank You once again for fresh mercies each day.  You are the best!

I want to see the world with new eyes and enjoy experiences with fresh thoughts, much as my sweet gson did yesterday.  And while I will rely on my big brothers to sometimes show me the best things to look at, to ride, and of course to eat, I will mostly appreciate that I get to do so each time I make the oh-so-wise choice to press forward and strain toward the prize ahead and forget what is behind.  After all, who runs a race backwards?  I might not have started so well but let me tell you this, friends:  I intend to finish well!  

This Is Not A Drill

Have you seen and heard the reports coming out of Canada about the massive wildfires burning up the land?  The news is full of them, full of stories of folks being told to get out, immediately, taking nothing with them, as the endeavor to keep them alive reaches fever pitch.  Then, to prove that what they warned of was true, the viewers are privy to pictures of towns decimated by the fires, no buildings left standing, no possessions left to claim.  It's a terrifying situation that sadly has no end in sight.

Sigh.

Kind of reminds me of another warning.  Have you heard it, friends?  It's from the book of Hebrews and goes like this (I emphasized a few words): 

We must pay the most careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away. For since the message spoken through angels was binding, and every violation and disobedience received its just punishment, HOW SHALL WE ESCAPE if we ignore so great a salvation? This salvation, which was first announced by the Lord, was confirmed to us by those who heard Him. God also testified to it by signs, wonders and various miracles, and by gifts of the Holy Spirit distributed according to His will.

I'll leave you to draw your own correlations between the need for survival eternally as well as the need to escape the fires that threaten to consume the things in your life.  Please don't ignore the flames that right now may just be smoldering, friends.  Make your escape plan sure.  

Nip It In The Butt

My dear cousin  once misunderstood a quip from "The Andy Griffith Show."  Barney was saying that a situation called for action and action now.  "Nip it in the bud" he said and it's been an idiom many of us have repeated throughout the years.  Here's the scenario:

• • (Opie and other town boys have been doing mischief, including braking a street lamp)
    Barney: I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. I tell you this is just the beginnin': goin' around breakin' street lamps - city property, mind you. Next thing you know they'll be on motorcycles and wearin' them leather jackets and zoomin' around. They'll take over the whole town... a reign of terror!
    Andy: Barney, these are just boys you're talkin' about. They're only about 8 years old.
    Barney: yeah, well today's 8-year olds are tomorrow's teenagers. I say this calls for action and now. Nip it in the bud. First sign of youngsters goin' wrong you got to nip it in the bud!
    Andy: I'm gonna have a talk with 'em. Now what more do you want me to do?
    Barney: Well, just don't mollycoddle 'em.
    Andy: I won't.
    Barney: Nip it! You go read any book you want on the subject of child discipline and you'll find that every one of them is in favor of bud-nippin'.
    Andy: I'll take care of it.
    Barney: Only one way to take care of it.
    Andy: Nip it.
    Barney: In the bud.

Sherrie, bless her heart, thought it was "nip it in the butt" though so this rewritten quote has been used often in my household whenever appropriate.   The other night, it once again took on a new meaning, one that will be laughed at and pondered for many moons.

Steve and I were holding the hands of our youngest grandson between us.  Every few steps--on the count of three--we'd swing him up and enjoy his gleeful sounds of delight as he rose into the air, skipping over the ground below, and enjoying soaring to a new level.  After a few swings and to make it more interesting, we had our oldest gson stand in front of us and--on the count of three-we swung G into W's backside.  They both loved it and cackled out with loud laughter.  But we still had one more child to deal with who didn't want to miss out on any of the fun.  So, we had C assume the position and then--again, at the count of three--swung Tubs into C's rear end.  However, our aim was a little off (or perhaps his tush wasn't as big) and instead of making contact on the cushy part of his tiny little body, G's feet went into his back.

"Hey!  That hurt!"  C's little eyes were filled with pain--and indignation.

"Oh come on, Little Buddy.  You knew it was coming."  Steve and I both tried to cajole him into staying light-hearted about the event.

His response?  "Yeah, but I didn't know there'd be an ouch with it."

Ahh, the poor child.  He knew something was about to get him but he thought he could handle it.  He'd been set up--willingly, of course--but didn't realize that what often is seen as just fun and games can often have a consequence that might have painful results at the end (or in the end, I guess I could say).

Fast forward now with me, for just a moment, to Wednesday's Bible Study.  The girls and I were discussing sin and its consequences.  Oftentimes, folks mess up and though they know there will be repercussions they still feel that the little discomfort will be okay, won't be so bad, or won't have long-lasting effects.  Ahem.  

Are you tracking with me, sisters and brothers?  Oh yes, some parts of sin look alluring, seem basically harmless, and/or worth the risk.  But then comes the "Ouch" that was not expected.  The outcome did not turn out as anticipated.  The momentary high was quickly brought low as the pain settled in, taking us aback in its fierceness.

May I encourage you today to be thoughtful, to be wise, and to consider the long-term results of what looks like something pleasurable but might, just might, not be so groovy after all?  Don't get nipped in the butt, friends.  Stop poor choices before they become bruises that take a while to heal.

Let's pray!

Dear Father, thank You for experiences that allow me to see hidden truths.  Like my grandsons, I too just want to have fun.  I too want to laugh, to play, to enjoy the fellowship of my brethren.  Help me, I ask, to be on alert though for the things that are there to trip me up or cause me to stumble.  Too often the ones we trust the most are the ones who wind up hurting us.  Help me to be wary, I pray, so that I may not cause pain or suffer pain due to wily tricks the devil uses to steal my joy.  In the name of Jesus I pray.  Amen.