Might as well jump!

This may be one of the shortest blogs I will ever write. Got a minute? Great!

Today I saw a post from an old friend of mine that supports the rights of those who are against this LGBT fluff that is going on here in North Carolina. Proudly, I shared it but now, as I sit here and ponder the implications of that, I wonder: will this woman stay on the verge of expressing her beliefs, will she jump forth with all she has, or will she cower and back down? No offense towards her, because I wonder the same things about myself.

When on the verge, friends, of taking a stand, will we be bold and stand or will we cower and/or crawl backwards, letting our fears (of society, of the wrath of others, or of being labeled as fanatics) override our senses? It's easy to do things when only a few are looking but when we are in the spotlight, put to the test, and asked to prove our beliefs, will we? Will we do the right thing in the eyes of Jesus or will we continue on blindly in the world's views?

Let's pray!

Dear Lord, thank You for those who are unafraid and unashamed to walk with You. Not behind You, nor from afar as the disciples did when You were arrested and sent to trial but with You, Jesus. Help us all to be bold, to be fearless but with sense, and mostly, Lord Jesus, to reflect You in all that we do. In Your holy name I ask this. Amen.

The Bridge That Still Burns

I don't want to write this blog today. It's kind of like taking a bandage off of a wound and wondering how much it will bleed. Better to leave it covered, right? For even just taking a little peek will open my mind up to the covered injury there whereas if I leave the band-aid in place, yes, the sore is still there but...but I don't have to deal with it.

But it's too late. It's been itching lately and if I don't scratch it, I'm liable to go mad. Too many reminders are out there that it exists and each day--as if I could ever forget--the hits just keep on coming.

Today I got the news that a friend of mine's mother passed last night. Finally, for she has been suffering for a while and we all knew her days were numbered. Lois knew her end was near and my friend was able to spend a lot of quality time with her mom before this was to take place. Though I barely knew her mom, Lois' reputation was solid. She sounded like one of those characters you might see on a sitcom, full of wit and wisdom, sarcasm, and didn't take life so seriously. I know Brenda will miss her greatly.

And then there's another friend of mine, Gloria. She lost her mom two weeks ago, after an extended illness. Like Brenda, she knew the end was near and was able to spend countless hours with her mom, as well as her dad, and create memories that will bring her some comfort through the rest of her life.

I envy these women. While the situations mirror those of my own mother, I didn't have the relationship with mine that they did with theirs. The last time I saw Momma alive was two months before the cancer finally consumed her. The gulf was so vast between us then and there was this one final opportunity for her to cross the bridge and come back to my side but...She chose not to. She left me behind, again, setting the bridge on fire, and now as I ache with these friends of mine, my hurts are just as real and just as painful as that day. You'd think after three and a half years, they would have subsided but no. That burn is still there, covered for the most part, until something bumps it and makes it throb all over again.

Sigh.

I'm not sure how to conclude this blog today or what I am really even saying other than love hurts. Love scars. It stings; it mars. But it also loves beyond conflicts, over family squabbles, and will never fail. I have this promise from Jesus and I am clinging to it now with tear-filled eyes. The loss of a parent is devastating. One never really gets over it. The loss of any loved one is tremendous and the effects forever lasting. But there's hope. For some. For those who love Jesus more than self, there is a promised reunion rather than an eternal separation. Reconciliations and forgiveness still go on so for those of you who are facing the death of someone you love--or maybe even your own--so I encourage you... No, I beg of you: make it right. Make sure of your own salvation first and foremost. That is crucial and the better part. Swallow your pride and forget the past and its miseries. The present is what matters and it's all we've got. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us so again, make things right today with those whom you've wronged and/or been wronged by. The cost is too extreme when you don't.

Let's pray.

Dear Lord, as my heart aches for my lady friends whose moms are gone, I'm not sure how to reach out to comfort them. For if I go and commiserate with them and offer the platitude of "knowing how you feel" it's a lie, because my relationship with my mother was less than desired. If I go to them and just hold their hands or them, my grief over my own loss might consume me and I don't want this to be about me when they are the ones whose pain is so fresh. That's why I have avoided Gloria, as You know, because my sore spot with my mom is so raw. I don't want to weep with those who mourn because I want this part of my life that is in my past to stay there.

Oh God! Help me to be a good friend and when the time is right and I can handle my own emotions and focus on them and their heartbreaks, then let me reach out to these ladies.

Lastly, I ask that You make Yourself real to people today in a bigger way that they cannot avoid, cannot put off. Send something to remind them that eternity may be just a breath away and theirs needs to be secure. May their--and my own--eyes focus on You and see this life is not about us and what we get from it but rather that it's all about You, Lord God, and what we do to reflect You.

In the name of Jesus, I cry out to You. Heal our hurts, Lord, so that we may better serve You is my prayer. Amen.

Can Good People Go To Heaven?

Can good people go to heaven?  I'm serious!  Can those who have been good for as long as they can remember actually make it to heaven?

No.

What?!  What in the world are you writing to us today, Stef?  What kind of blasphemy is this?

It's not a lie, friends.  But I'm afraid too many people I know have become a victim of it.  For you see, you have to be a sinner to be saved.  And from what I am witnessing lately, too many of those close to me are just too good.  They haven't horrible pasts nor skeletons lurking in their closets.  They have lived a good and upright life:  going to church weekly, staying faithful to one person, raising the required 2.5 kids.  They go to work without fail.  They pay all of their bills and are model citizens, voting in each election, attending all of the right meetings and conferences that are community related.  They keep their yards meticulously, their cars without dirt, and their smiles are always in place as they call out to me when I see them on the streets, in the stores, next door.  What's best yet is often they also come from perfect parents who never drank, swore, nor cheated and...you guessed it:  they have themselves reproduced perfect children who are the bedrock of the schools, the star athletes, the A students, the chorus and band standouts.  None of these would know sin if it came up, introduced itself, and declared it had been hiding behind their facades so that they would be fooled into thinking they ever had need of a Saviour.

Oh come on Stef!  If these folks were bad, don't you think they'd repent?  That they'd confess?  I mean, after all--as you stated above--they are in church every time the doors are opened.  Don't you think if they were lost, they'd know it by now?  Do you not believe the Word of God has been preached to them and at some point It convicted them and they made a profession of faith?

No.  Sigh.  I don't.

I do think that yes, the Word has been preached to them.  Yes, they made a profession of faith, got baptized, joined their family's church (ahem), and live their lives without blemish and their reputations are soild.  Wait: my fingers typed the wrong word.  That should be "solid" but... Freudian slip, perhaps?  "Soild" looks a lot like "soiled" doesn't it?  Hmn.  Makes me wonder if these wonderful saints have ever been tainted, have ever been sullied by the world, and if--yes, I'm going to say it again--if they have ever sinned.

Just as a doctor cannot heal you until you admit you are sick, a Saviour cannot redeem you until you acknowledge you are lost.  When I feel good, you will not find me at the Urgent Care center seeking treatment.  I don't go there to have my blood pressure monitored because I don't have issues with it.  I don't routinely visit the Cancer Centers because I am not suffering from this debilitating disease (thank God!).  You won't find me at the hospital either, undergoing scans and tests because, you see, I am healthy.  However, when you do examine me, you will see me often at the House of God.  You will find me actively participating in the sermons and lessons as I write down notes and thoughts that I later follow up on.  You will often hear me (sorry, but it's true) lifting my voice in songs of praise and petitions.  You can visit me in my Pretty Purple Room and see my Bible opened to a new page almost every day (and no, it's not because it's in front of a window and the breeze changes the pages).  Lastly, you will hear me at night with my husband, praying, pondering, and pleading for more knowledge, more wisdom, temperance, and help.  So much help.  Why?  Because I am a sinner.  Not "was" a sinner but "am" a sinner.  In my own self, I am beyond wretched and my condition can only be treated by the Great Physician Who long ago called me to Himself.  

I had to admit I needed Him.  I couldn't help but share with Jesus how awful I had been and how I was afraid would continue to be bad without some help.  I had to tell Him that in my own self I was helpless, lost, and without hope.  And then?  Then it was easy!  I just had to accept His pardon.  I just had to realize Christ Jesus was in control and that my life was not about what He could do to clean me up:  it was instead what He could do to mold me into His image so that others to could come to a saving knowledge that they too were--are!!--in need of Him as well.

Let me back up a moment and reiterate that it wasn't "easy" to let go of me.  In parts.  I had a lot of baggage that I kept trying to carry into this new relationship but you know what?  I didn't need those clothes of despair!  I didn't need the trunks of broken dreams and unrealized hopes.  I didn't need the letters of reminders of who I used to be for I was now a new creation.  Lastly, I didn't need those chips on my shoulder that I was carrying around and being weighed down by.  They kept me stooped over when my eyes only needed to be on Jesus.  So... eventually, I let them go.  It would have been easier had I (like Brother Matthew aka Levi, The Tax Collector) just left it all behind without a second glance and joyfully accepted the new life, the forgiveness of my sins, and not rehashed them all with Christ through the next several years.  I tend to be a little slow sometimes and refuse to take help when I am too stubborn to think that I need any.  Or too prideful.  Or don't want to put someone out with my problems.  

Do you see where I am going, friends?  If not, let my try to sum it up here.  

1. I am not a saint.
2. I am a sinner.
3. I can not save myself.
4. I need salvation, forgiveness, and sanctification.
5. Jesus offered it to me.
6. I accepted!
7. I have been redeemed!

Let's pray!

Lord, please make a message out of this jumbled mess of thoughts of mine and use these words to let others know--to know, Lord!--that none of us are good.  Yes, in our own selves, we try to live lives that are blameless and we do our best to not cause waves and to be humble and quiet and mind our own business.  But Lord?  Lord, even if we do all of this, there is still need for You.  There, sadly, is still sin in our lives.  We can't escape it and we lie and fool ourselves if we think we are above it.

Help us to constantly be aware, Father God, that were we so good then You wouldn't have had to watch Your Son die such a violent and obscene death.  Easter was celebrated yesterday.  Don't let us wait another year to think of this tremendous sacrifice and contemplate the sinners around us but rather, Lord, help us to acknowledge the sin that so easily besets us on a daily basis.  Help us to see it's me, it's me, it's ME oh Lord.  I am the one who cost You Your Son.  It was my wickedness and pride and sin that made His crucifixion necessary.  

Thank You for this unspeakable gift of redemption, Father.  Thank You for saving me at Christ's expense.  Amazing love, how can it be, that You my King would die for me?  

Sigh.

 In the name of Jesus Christ, I again claim this gift and thank You so much for it.  Amen.

Deflection

Deflection.  That word has been bandied about much lately and so I thought I'd add my two cents (and you thought I had no sense!) to the conversation.  As always, feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section below.

Two things happened last night that I want to share with you on this topic.  The first was on the way home from suppers with Steve.  I had mentioned to him something he's been doing lately that I want him to stop participating in.  Always wanting and willing to please me, he immediately agreed and we left the restaurant.  However, on the way home, he said something to me, trying to be "funny" that really got my goat.  Not because of the sentiment, mind you, but because that's how tricky the devil is:  he wants to cause and wreak havoc where peace abides.  

I told my love that at this stage in our lives, our marriage is too great to have these quiet darts be shot at us and I was not going to stand for them.  Even though the comment was made in jest, it was a way of deflecting back to me that I had told him something to do and you know us humans:  we can't stand to be accused of a fault without some sort of witty comeback or seek some form of retribution.  He agreed, apologized, and mostly commented he wasn't even aware of trying to hurt me; just--again--trying to be funny.

The second thing happened on a television show we watch, "House of Cards."  Spoiler alert for those of you still catching up:  stop reading if you don't want to know how this season ends.  The Underwoods have been caught; their misdeeds are about to be broadcast to the whole world as the presidential election is just ahead.  As they sit and ponder what they did wrong, how they had not covered their tracks, and just what--if anything--could be done, an idea came to them.  No way, mister, were they going to ride off quietly into that wide blue yonder, nor was there anyway in Hades they were going to give an account for their wrongs.  Unh unh:  not these two egotistical politicians.  So, they took advantage of a current hostage situation and used it to their benefit, meanwhile casting all attention off of selves and onto a world event that would keep the country's mind elsewhere.  

Do you remember in the Bible when--after He had been resurrected when Jesus met with the disciples on the shore of the Sea of Galilee--the words our Saviour spoke to Peter in John 21:15-17?  He asked him, 

"Simon son of John, do you love Me more than these?" "Yes, Lord," he said, "You know that I love You." Jesus said, "Feed My lambs." Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you love Me?" He answered, "Yes, Lord, You know that I love You." Jesus said, "Take care of My sheep." The third time He said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love Me?" Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love Me?" He said, "Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You." Jesus said, "Feed My sheep."

No more deflecting from Peter.  No more passing the buck or denying the issue at hand.  Jesus Christ instead deflected (which, by the way means "the act of changing or causing something to change direction; a turning aside" per Merriam-Webster.com) Peter's perspective to line up to His.  Funny how He does that, huh?  How Christ Jesus fights on our behalf for us--not against us?  

Read my pictured scripture again:  

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.  (Ephesians 6:12)

Do you see it friends?  All those times when we have quarrels and misunderstandings, those many hurtful words we say to one another in attempts to be "helpful," and the innuendos that take place to make us question what was said versus what we implied?  Those battles aren't ours!  Sure, our own immaturity can cause us to strike back when our feelings are provoked but what we need to do instead is go to Jesus.  We need to remember His commands to us--the second greatest which is to love one another.  I know you know the first one, right?  If we will do these two great biddings from our Lord then maybe we won't have to spend so much time wrestling and instead can rest at His feet, as Mary did, which is the better part.  Sounds good to me!

Let's pray!

Dear Lord, how wonderful are Your Words to me.  Sing them over and over again to me, these wonderful words of life!  Words of life and beauty, teach me faith and duty.  Beautiful words, wonderful words:  wonderful words of life.

Father, please help me to not strike back when my dander gets raised.  Help me to turn the other cheek when I am reviled and to not strike back, to not plot evil nor think of ways to pay back the one who offended me. May my heart be like Yours, ready to see the good, willing to feed the sheep and to not let them stray with the winds of the world.  Mostly, Lord, help me to love You with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength for You are worthy.  Deflect my poor attitude towards Your kind Spirit is my prayer today, asked in the name of Jesus my Lord.  Amen.

A Lighter Shade of Pale

When do you see Jesus?  How far do you have to look to see Him at work?  What is His job anyways and how can you even be sure He exists?  If you cannot answer these questions, read on, and perhaps what I share next with you will help.

As usual, my husband called to check on me at lunch.  He's done this for years, as well as when he's made it to work to let me know he's there safely.  He's even been known to send me Hangouts messages throughout the day when he has one of those rare moments of peace and lets me know he is using it to think about me.  When he comes home to me at the end of the day--regardless of who else may be there, pressing for his attention--he makes his way over to greet me with a sweet kiss, a murmured "Hey Granny," and a hug.

So, what was different about today's call?  Not much.  He's always nice, wondering how my day's been, what I've been up to, and (because he knows I need it so much) asks about my writing for the day.  Lately, I've not been feeling so great.  It's not that I've been feeling bad, it's just...I've been so tired.  For years, I've not slept well and often take advantage of a morning and sometimes an afternoon nap but for the past month or so, it's been more.  I've been going back to bed for hours (up to three!) before being functional and quasi-ready to tackle the day.  But enough about me--well, sort of.  It is my blog and my story, after all.  Instead of fussing at me, wondering if I am ever going to turn back into a normal housewife (as if!), and harping on me about all I am not, instead my wonderful husband says to me (when I have apologized for not being as hip and with it as I used to be) that...that it's okay.  He understands.  I don't have to make excuses for myself because he is making them for me.  He knows I've not slept well for years.  He knows about my aches and pains that disrupt a good night's sleep.  He knows all too well about the rabid thoughts that have my mind wandering all night, and how I am chasing them around, and fighting the demons that threaten to jump out at me.  He consoles me about my health, my lack of luster, and my overall sense of blah that has permeated my soul since the death of my mother.  He keeps on loving me, encouraging me, building me up, and being my rock.

Hmn.  Kind of reminds me of Someone...oh, what's His name?  Ahh yes.  Jesus.  Jesus Christ, the Lover of my soul.  Jesus Christ, the One Who was preached about last night as being the One Who knows me.  Me.  My thoughts.  My heart.  My intentions.  My fears.  My hopes.  My failures and my wants to do better.  The One Who was mentioned mightily in the story of Martha and Mary in yesterday's morning sermon, Who gently reminded Martha to not miss out on the better part in her busyness of doing all of the right things.  Jesus.  The One Who invites us to sit at His feet and let the cares of the world go by.

So, in conclusion, I again ask you:  when was the last time you saw Jesus?  Hopefully you have some Steves in your lives to get a glimpse of Him.  How far did you have to look to see Him at work?  Not too far, I imagine, as you catch His glory all around creation.  What's His job anyways and how can you even be sure He exists?  Oh, beloved, He does more than exist!  Can't you see it, feel it, taste it?  All of that love and goodness He supplies you with--that's His job.  To make you more like Him and since He is love, you are becoming more loving in response.

I know we can't all have our very own Steves, our personal cheerleaders, and best friend by our side to give us what we need, when we need it, and when we don't.  But, my friends, we have something better:  we have Jesus Himself.  Let Him abide in you.  Let Him bear your burdens and not criticize you when you feel poorly and less than.  Sit at His feet today.  Hear His praises as you bask in His light.  Read His Words and let them wash over you as you realize and contemplate that in a world where so many are only out to tear down, He is only out to build you up, to welcome you to His kingdom, and to love you--even when you don't have much to offer in return.  I should know!

Let's pray!

Ahh Lord, where to begin to thank You?  Yes, surely, for my husband whom You have shared with me and use to prove that in spite of how lowly I am, Your love doesn't kick one when she's down but instead offers an encouraging word and a hand to uplift her from the pit.  

Lord, You are so good to me.  I glance out my window and see the tree gently swaying, the dogs frolicking around, and the tremendous blue sky, reminding me that Your creation was meant to delight me--and it does!

I also hear the clock ticking, quietly but firmly, reminding me that one day, one day You are coming back.  I can't wait to see You!  To look upon Your face is where I will see that the beauty I've been privy to compares to what I will see when I behold You, Lord God Almighty!  These old knees that can barely get down on the floor will be perfected as they bow before You in worship.  This voice that screeches will sound more like those You are accustomed to that sing Your praises and Your worth in that angelic choir.  And this mind that is so befuddled will be cleared as I see and realize beyond any earthly comprehension that I think I have now just how magnificent You truly are.

Come soon, Lord?  I'm waiting!  

Love,

Your Wandering Child

Oh Me Of Little Faith!

Psalm 43:5 asks this question--and answers it in the same verse: "Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope in God: for I shall yet praise Him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God."  So, in response, I direct it back to you, to me.  Why are we afraid, dismayed, doubting, and depressed today?  No need to be!

I've been pondering things lately.  Big surprise, huh?  I know but...that's why I make the big bucks!  Seriously though, a part of my wonderful church is that we have a continuous prayer chain via Facebook that I am a part of.  And, before this came along, we had that old-fashioned kind.  You know:  the kind where people actually called one another on telephones and checked up on their friends, family, and loved ones.  And go back even further, and guess what?  Yep!  We had that real old-timey kind:  the one where we'd hit our knees at the first signs of calamity, distress, or any other type of need.

Regardless of the way our requests are made known to God and to each other, one thing has not changed:  He's still on the throne.  Jesus is by His side, along with the Holy Spirit.  It's been this way since the dawn of time, which, ironically, is what I entitled my picture for today.  Gaze over it and see what those three have been up to, will you?  I tried not to leave you out but forgive me, please, if I did.  

Did you make the list?  See any of your needs that have not already been predetermined and allowed for?  Obviously I do not have the mind of God but...but I do have His heart, placed there when Jesus Christ saved my soul many moons ago.  And because of that, because of His great love, I can rest today.  I don't have to wring my hands when the bad news comes--and it will.  I don't have to fret over who will win the primaries today:  that's already been predetermined.  I don't have to wonder if Brenda's surgery will be okay because I know my Great Physician already has her in His sweet hands.  Those world disasters and senseless acts of violence and/or carelessness have all got His angels ready to take charge and assist where needed.  

So, why am I disquieted?  I'm not!  And you shouldn't be either.  Here's what Jesus did to prove this in Matthew 8:25-27:

And they came to Him and woke Him, saying, "Save us, Lord; we are perishing!" He said to them, "Why are you afraid, you men of little faith?" Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the sea, and it became perfectly calm. The men were amazed, and said, "What kind of a man is this, that even the winds and the sea obey Him?"

I'll tell you what:  that's the kind of Man I am following today.  I hope you are too!

Let's pray!

Rarely do I think of the three of You acting on my behalf, taking for granted You have got me.  Thank You, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit for this unasked for but greatly appreciated act of mercy, love, and observation of what I need before I even ask for it.  May the hearts and souls of Your children be touched today by the tender mercies You provide is my hope.  Amen!

Do you dare to disturb the universe?

What went wrong?  Who messed up?  Where and when did the message get lost?  Is it too late?

These are some of my convoluted thoughts this morning as I ponder a recent conversation with some elderly folks.  And the reason I specify that they are elderly (which to me, by the way, means those who are over the age of seventy) is because surely...surely after all of these years, surely after all that they have witnessed in these decades and changes of the century, surely somewhere along the line they have heard that Jesus Christ came to save sinners, to promise salvation, and to prepare a place with Himself for them to reside.

These people by most's accounts would have the record of having lived a "good life."  They aren't murderers, raised good families, lived peaceable lives, and mostly have stellar reputations in their communities.  Brought up by a God-fearing woman, the gospel was taught to them at a young age.  So now, now that they are in their golden years and have had time and ample opportunity to reflect, how can they speak so frivolously about what comes next?

"I don't believe in God," said one.

"I believe in some sort of higher power," said another.

"Oh yes, I believe in Jesus Christ but I don't believe in heaven," stated one more.

Intrigued and shocked and dismayed and bewildered and confounded and just overall flabbergasted, I pursued my line of questioning with quiet questions and earnest interjections to try to gain a semblance of understanding, and instead I was left with...hmn.  How to say?  I was left with sadness.  Worldly sadness.  My earlier readings in Galatians where Paul asked who had so easily bewitched them as those peoples had strayed from the lessons they had been taught flooded my mind as I too realized this type of thinking can only come from one place.  These older souls have been bamboozled by the master of deception, the king of lies, and the stealer of joy.  Their (perhaps) once acceptance that there was no other way to life and peace and salvation had been trampled out by men and women who perverted the gospel, who made a mockery of it, and by those who convinced through their conniving ways that God wasn't even necessary, that He doesn't exist, and they were given just enough doubt to hope and believe that there is "something out there" that will fix them--should they admit, that is, that they are broken, unwhole, and unwell.  Unfortunately, that "something" has been twisted into a false representation of a savior that many flock to as they believe there is no need of God but rather that that higher power is within themselves.  Their worship is inward to self rather than upwards to my Christ Jesus.  They have been deceived and now give acclaim to those who promise their needs will be fulfilled should they just believe that power can be obtained through worldly measures.

Sigh.

So, what now?  What is the next step?  Is there a next step?  Remember, I mentioned these are old people.  Old!  Oh no, not out of the picture yet but their lives are more likely to end sooner than later.  Throughout those lives, I feel sure that Jesus has been presented to them.  Not always in a positive way, however, which is why I wonder:  is there time to change their minds?  Is there time to convince, to show, to assure them that He most definitely exists, that He most definitely loves them, and that He most assuredly doesn't want their lives to end this way?

"Hey, I guess they're right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose."

This is a quote by Lloyd from the movie "Dumb and Dumber." While funny, in part, it is also quite true.  There's a reason why we still have these seniors with us.  There's a purpose for their continued lives.  Maybe it's so you and I can tell them once more about Jesus, the real Jesus.  Maybe it's so they can hear and see Him alive in us.  Maybe it's so they won't die and when we all stand around their gravesides, we won't be wondering if they "made it" but instead will have that quiet faith and assurance that indeed we will see them again, but better still?  That they have come to know Christ Jesus as their personal Saviour and Lord.  I've been there, friend, wondering if my dad got saved before he died, wondering if my mother's faith was in Christ or in her own works, hoping that my aunt's professed salvation was real, seeing my mother-in-law lowered into the ground and wondering if her hardened heart had been softened by my Lord's sweet love.  

Yeah, I'm being blunt and some may say judgmental but my word:  we've got to stop wondering and start finding out, start witnessing not with pious words and religious threats but by God, by God, through our lives that are supposed to evidence Christ's salvation!  I'm pretty sure they've heard of Him by now.  It's time to show them through our lives, through our fervent living, and mostly by our loving actions that Jesus is real, that God's not dead, and that through His marvelous gift of His Son, that we can all live too.  We don't have to wonder if we'll make it, hope we get there, or spend countless moments struggling to understand this alleged higher power that is playing with our destinies and wondering if we just do that one special thing that our lives will be made well after all.

Acts 4:12 tells us: "Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.” Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Check up on the senior citizens in your orbit, friends, and make sure they have one last opportunity to know the truth, will you? You might not get the answer you hope for and you might be as confused as I am after talking to them but at least you will have done your part of asking, of perhaps planting a seed--or better still of watering one that is trying to break through that tough soil that has been buried and is now ready to rise, to break through, and to see the Son. Now that would be spectacular!

Let's pray!

Father God, as I penned these words this morning, I did so with a heavy, hopeful, hurting, and hesitant heart. How these folks could be so bewitched is beyond me when Your Word has been evidenced for so much of their lives. And I know it has, Lord, for we are in America. Your Word has not been banned nor hidden from those who seek it. Your people are all around but also Lord, those who mislead and pervert Your Word are all around as well, and sadly, often moreso evident than those who truly know You.

Lord, I pray this morning for boldness for me, for my fellow saints, and for those preachers who have the calling to preach Jesus. May He be lifted up, His offer presented, and His sacrifice appreciated and accepted as we all check up and make sure of our salvation. May Your children not shy away from the hard stuff, Father, but instead, with loving hearts, risk the wrath in hopes of showing them the light, Your light. I ask these things in the name of Jesus, who saved my rotten soul, and offers me hope and assurance. Amen.

Oh yes: I've heard of you.

Ooh, don't you just love it when the Scriptures come alive and you find something you have probably read many times but for some reason today you see it in a different light?! I must share this with you--yes you!! Read on: I think you will be pleased.

Galatians 1:22-24 states: And I was unknown by face to the churches of Judea which were in Christ. But they were hearing only, “He who formerly persecuted us now preaches the faith which he once tried to destroy.” And they glorified God in me.

Does your reputation often proceed you, friends? If so, is it a good report, a partial truth, or is your past laid out for all to see and judge? "Oh yeah: I know HER. Why she's the world's biggest..." Mmn hmn. You know what I mean. Read the verses again and see what Paul faced.

1.  "I was unknown by face to the churches of Judea"
2.  "they were hearing only, “He who formerly persecuted us now preaches the faith which he once tried to destroy.”"

Did you get it that time? They were only hearing who Paul formerly was but that now he preaches the faith he once tried to destroy. Woo hoo! Paul got his slate wiped clean! His record was sealed. Because he repented of his evil works, God was now being glorified in him. The Judeans had not seen Paul but oh yes, they most certainly had heard of him. But guess who they listened to? Not his accusers. Oh no. Someone gave Paul a second chance and was spreading his newfound fame as a believer in Christ Jesus who preached the faith. Oh to have friends and witnesses like these folks! Better still, to be the friend who builds up new Christians rather than kicking them while they are down and/or learning from their mistakes.

Will our pasts often leave a bitter taste is some's mouths? Most definitely. Thus, I suggest to you who are in the process of putting your pasts behind you, perhaps maybe you need to leave some folks there too. Find those who are in the business of restoration and fresh starts. I think you will be happier in the present anyway, don't you?

Let's pray!

Dear Lord, thank You for showing me new things in Your Word when I take the time to study. And, thank You for letting all things work together for good, for it was just yesterday a situation similar to Paul's was discussed as some of us reflected on the positive changes seen in a woman's life that many of us had been praying for. Your Word is indeed alive!

Help me to not be a grudge holder, Lord, nor one who looks for opportunities to accuse but rather teach me to be an encourager and one who uplifts. I ask this in the precious name of Jesus my Saviour. Amen!

...the thoughts and intents of the heart

Sigh.  What went wrong?  I did everything exactly the way the recipe called for.  I softened my butter; let my eggs adjust to room temperature.  One couldn't ask for a more beautiful day with no humidity to stir things up.  How could my recipe fail and turn out to look like this?

I was so full of good intentions for my chocolate pound cake.  I was going to make each of the gals in Card Ministry one and they were just going to ooh and ahh over my skills.  Later, when my daughter and grandsons come for suppers, they were going to be dazzled by its lusciousness and beg that we have "dessert before supper Tuesday" instead of the usual Thursday.  Yes, these pound cakes were going to be the highlight of each soul's who got a piece day.

But...look:  just look at this crumbled mess.  If you were in my house, you would smell the burnt junk that overflowed in the oven and smoked up my house so that I had to open windows and hope the fire alarm wouldn't go off.  Even the dogs didn't come running for this tasteless meal from Granny's house.

Sigh.

But, as I ran the knife over the stuck-on gooiness and (of course) tasted a few of the crumbs, guess what?  It was still good!  Not a total disaster and there's no way on earth I would take my lady friends their very own individual one but...My grandsons aren't as particular.  If it's chocolate, they'll eat it!  {Aside:  my gals at Card Ministry aren't judgmental about stuff.  I just love them so much I only want them to have my best.}

As I reviewed what went wrong, I realized that I had used the wrong type of flour.  Self-rising.  Mmn hmn:  no wonder it was all over the place. My stove will need a good cleaning; my baking dishes an extra-good scrubbing.  Dad burn it!  My best laid plans waylayed by self-rising flour!  Ugh!

Isn't it great though that like this dessert, God can make beauty from our ashes?  Like I said, the cake wasn't a total loss and the flavor is a good one.  To a hungry kid, it may be the prettiest thing he sees all day!  While I made the mistake of using the wrong flour, the rest of the ingredients somehow pulled together to make some semblance of an edible treat.  The mistakes I make in my life, not coincidentally, can also be made aright with the touch of the Master's Hand.  When my best efforts fall short, He can still blend my heart's intentions to align with His purpose and create something good.  Now that's something to chew on!

Let's pray!

Dear Lord, thank You for another life lesson via my baking time a little while ago.  As I was mixing all of the staples together and marveling at how nicely they smoothed together, I considered the things in my life that go into a big mixing pot and come together for good.  Some things--like the cocoa--are bitter and some are just necessary--like the flour.  But when the sugar is added?  And the flavorings?  Oh, how wonderful the mixture tastes!  

May I sop up Your Words, Your Truths, and Your lessons as eagerly as I did the big blue bowl's leftovers, Father.  And when You put me through the fire?  I hope I will have some goodness that doesn't burn in the heat.  Through Jesus' righteousness, I will at least have one part right!  Amen.

The Chosen One

Spoiled. Brat. Rotten. The favorite.

Rotten to the core? Spoiled brat!

Hey now: let's not call names! The first three were okay but to be rotten to my core, to where Jesus is--and make no mistake, He's there. You just have to get around a lot of flesh to find Him.

In all seriousness, I have never felt highly favored by a parent in my life. Or by a teacher. Or as a leader or contributor to a class, project, or the like. But lately, lately I have begun to see myself through a different set of eyes and you know what? I like them! I like those eyes that see my best, my true intentions, and my desire to please. I like those eyes that look ahead of me and keep me from danger. Those eyes that scope out my pathway before I even trod on it. The eyes that behold the beauty, checking it over for one last look, before presenting itself to me. Ahh yes, those are the eyes I like to be seen through.

Case in point. Last night was date night for Steve and me. We had it all planned. Supper at The Pie Hole and then we were going to the Mimosa 7 to see the new Risen Movie. As we pulled up to the restaurant, I remarked how I hoped those sprinkles would hold off until we finished eating and got to the movie without getting drenched. "It's one thing to go home bedraggled but quite another to sit through the movie all soaking wet," I told my hubby. After explaining what bedraggled meant, we then enjoyed our pizza and made our way back to town as the raindrops once again began in earnest.

"Oh, wouldn't it be so nice if the Lord gave us an upfront parking spot" I asked Steve. "We are His favorites, you know."

I'm such a princess, huh? Well, as we made our way down the street, it didn't appear that that was going to be the case so I pulled into the left lane and put Celine in park when, lo and behold, to our right, there it was: an upfront parking spot! As traffic cleared, I made my way over, hoping to dodge those raindrops that were still thinking about giving me a shower (and it not even Saturday night! ). Ta da! Mission accomplished. We made it inside with little fanfare, little wetness, and happy hearts.

"Wow, Stef, I'll bet once you got inside, you gave God your highest praises for treating you so royally, didn't you."

I'm embarrassed to admit it but, no I did not. I murmured a hasty "Thanks, God" and went on my merry way to the popcorn counter.

But it bothered me. Through the movie and through the night and on the drive to Morganton again today, I was reminded of how my Lord treats me like such a princess and I? I am rotten. A brat. Spoiled by His goodness. For you see, had He not made the way clear last night, don't you think I would have spent a lot more time, chewing His ear off as to why He hadn't let us get into the movie dryly so we could enjoy it better? Don't you think on the drive home with the heat blasting as I tried to dry off that I would be uttering some not so nice things as to why I was so persecuted and couldn't even enjoy my date night without something trying to ruin it?

Oh my.

Zephaniah 3:17 states that "...He will take great delight in you..."

What a kind Father we have! What a wonderful Dad to take care of His ungrateful kids. What love He has bestowed upon us to call us His own. Funny thing I noticed the other day. You know in the Bible where it talks about...well, never mind: read it for yourselves ;) from Mark 10: 

“Truly I tell you,” Jesus replied, “no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—along with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life."

For much of my life I thought I'd get a new family but...do you see it? I didn't until the other day, though I've read this passage numerous times. I will get brothers, sisters, and mothers but...Do you see it now? No mention of a new father. Hmn hmn hmn. Why? Pretty obvious if you ask me (although yes, it has taken me 52 years to see it). We don't get a new dad 'cause we already have the best Father ever. Period.

So, the next time you see me and I'm acting a bit puffed up and full of myself, remember this: while God loves you, I am His favorite! Kidding! Sort of. He loves me as if I was His only one. He does you this way too. Makes us pretty special, huh, if even we do smell a little rotten once in a while. ;)

Let's pray!

Dear Fa--, no Dear Dad. Daddy. Ooh, that's a tough word for me to write, Lord God. To think of You as my Daddy, my Protector, the One Who will indeed grant me the desires of my heart is a tough concession for me to make. Not because You have failed, oh no. But, You and I both know the faults and failures of my earthly father and Lord? You are so much different, so much better than He ever was or dreamt of being!

How I love You! Not just because You kept me dry last night and gave me the prime parking spot. Not just because You take such good care of me and grant me so many wishes and not because You have given me the three best grandsons, husband, daughter, and SIL. I love You because...because I didn't know how to love before You came along, Daddy. I didn't know how to express my feelings without thinking they had to be bartered for and begged upon to be validated.

I love You, God, for this and for so much more. Thank You for allowing me to see me as You do: not perfect, not a brat. But definitely as Your favored child. I cannot wait to see You and better express my delight in having You as my Father! The taste You have given to me now is sweet and oh Lord: I crave more of it. When my soul is resting in Your presence, I'll be satisfied. Until then, though, please keep looking out for me, looking ahead for me, and seeing within me the righteousness of Your Son Jesus. May I be ever more like Him is my prayer. Amen.

PS: in case you, like my sweet hubby, don't know the definition for bedraggled, Webster defines it as this: wet or dirty from being in rain or mud. Now you know!

Are you a shameful sinner or a sorry saint?

Huh?  What kind of question is that?  A "shameful sinner"--what does that even mean?  And "sorry saint"?  Please explain!

Okay, since you asked, I will.  First though, let's simplify things a little.  In the course of this blog, I will refer to shameful sinners as "ss" and sorry saints as "SS" so that I won't have to repeat those phrases so much.

There's a difference between being ashamed about something and having sorrow over it.  Steve and I have been pondering this for a couple of days now and so apparently, has our good friend James MacDonald.  Throw in incidences from our grandsons, our selves, and worldly issues and it's been quite the wandering event going on here, as you can see in this picture.

Why do we teach our children to say "I'm sorry" when an infraction has occurred?  Sure, we want them to be polite.  We want them to acknowledge another's pain.  We think they need to learn how to behave better.  But what about when they have to apologize but...but they aren't really sorry?  Gulp.  I mean, sure, maybe it could have been handled differently but to be sorry when deep inside we are glad we did what we did?  After all, didn't that one have it coming to him/her?  I have found in trying to teach this lesson that it can go into a barrage of guilt and shame in trying to make one child apologize to the other when I could see his heart was not in it.

Ahh, the heart.  The heart that controls our emotions, our feelings, and our deepest desires.  Heads?  Heads teach us reason, to rationalize, and to mandate to society.  Hearts though are special, tender, and stubborn.  To admit we were the one who was wrong, that it was our poor choices that led to this climax, and that we are then the ones who have to humble ourselves?  Hmn hmn hmn.  That's when things can get tricky.

Let's switch gears a moment and talk about shame.  Shame too involves our feelings but the key here is that that is what it's about:  our feelings.  Me.  Mine.  Shame is often internalized and while we may battle its effects, it's a private battle that we let few (if any) in on.  We can have disgust at ourselves, at our tendencies to do wrong things--and make no mistake:  we know they are wrong.  Shame hides in the dark (hmn hmn hmn) and hopes no one finds out its ugliness.  Shame doesn't want others to know of our embarrassments over our fetishes and foolishnesses but when the truth comes out?  Oh my.  Shame has two choices then.  It can either say "The world accepts this behavior.  Who are you to judge?"  Or, it can lead to to sorrow, godly sorrow, that leads to repentance.

Can you be sorry without shame?  I don't think so.  Can you have shame without being sorry?  Definitely.  While ss like to keep things hidden, SS have to outwardly express their wrongs.  They are brought into the light and dealt with there.  Shame has turned into "not judging" and "accepting the sin" rather than the sinner, as many of us were taught.  Thanks to society, many sins that are daily committed are not even classified as being wrong anymore.  Instead, they are embraced, welcomed, and glorified even.  My friends, this ought not to be so!

We all have tendencies within us to do evil.  The difference is when we act upon them.  When we justify them and make them right in our own eyes, we are headed for trouble.  Things like homosexuality, murder, vindication, adultery, stealing, cheating, lying.  Oh be careful Stef:  you are about to step on some toes!  Yeah, mine are pretty sore themselves because I am certainly not sinless.  Jesus taught us that if we look upon another with lust that we have already committed adultery in our hearts.    He taught us to love our neighbors as ourselves and I'll tell you what:  there are some of my neighbors that I would bend over backwards to help out at any given moment.  But then there are some that...well, it'd be tough for me to love them without a lot of assistance from the Good Lord.  So, you see, I am far from perfect myself, friends.  Have you ever heard the expression "some folks just need killin'"?  Yeah, it's hard for ol' Stef to wait on the promised vengeance that is God's.  Let's not even talk about the things my mind conjures up to help Him out in that department.

To conclude and hopefully bring this blog into some semblance of sense, we are all sinners.  We all fall short of the glory of God.  We all need a Saviour.  Christ Jesus is the Final Authority:  not the government, not society, and not the Constitution which has been rewritten.  The Holy Bible is full of men with faults who had a choice to make--just like you and I do.  Will we be shameful sinners and hope our sins don't get found out or will we repent, will we return to God, and will we humble ourselves and admit our failures?  Sorry Saints are in the light and their difference from shameful sinners is that they went the next step.  For you see, ss know that what they are doing is wrong.  They aren't kidding themselves.  They cry out to God for Him to take away this burden but they don't go the next step, the step that SS do:  they don't turn from their sin.  They keep on practicing it.  They don't intend to stop.  SS, on the other hand (and please pardon the pun), will cut off their arms, pluck out their eyes, and flee from evil in their repentance.  Whatever it takes, they will do to be right with God.  Relationship with Christ is their hearts' desire above all, above the selfish desires of self.  What God says versus what they want is their intention.  

So, what are you sorry for today?  Did you commit that act on purpose?  What do you feel deep shame over--or maybe just minor shame since we really aren't that bad?  (Ahem)  Will pride, guilt, and selfishness keep you from Christ or cause you to run to Him?  He's standing there, with arms wide open, to welcome you back.  He loves you in your sin, oh yes but...but He cannot allow you to continue in it and expect that He accepts it because you and Him have an "understanding" that the Bible was written for everyone else except you.  Repentance was defined as being "a recognition of sin followed by heartfelt sorrow culminating in a change of behavior" in James MacDonald's messages recently.  Do you need to change your behavior today, loved ones?  

Sigh.

Let's pray.

Well, Lord, here I go again, preaching to the choir.  Sigh.  You know the depths of my sins, Father, and the things I fight against giving into.  You know my pride, my sense of feeling I am the right one while it's mostly everyone else who is wrong.  You know my shame, oh my shame, Father, over things I have done and truthfully, often still think about doing.  

I need a cleansing, Lord.  A detoxification.  It's me, again, oh Lord, who stands in the need of prayer.  As my heart continues to war with my head, with my flesh, with my society, please stay in the forefront of my mind.  It's surely a battlefield up there, God, and I keep forgetting to put on my whole armor.  I keep forgetting that like the impotent man, I have no man to do this for me.  It's me.  My choices and my decisions.  My want to get up and walk or my desire to stay in the pigsty like the prodigal son.  

Thank You for giving me the option to rise, Lord.  With my hand in Yours, I will not stumble.  Hold me tight, I pray!  In the name of Jesus, amen.