Give yourself a break!

So, how's your day going so far?  Yeah, that can be a loaded question.  Some of us are back to the daily grinds at work, where it seems, perhaps, as though the end is never in sight.  Others see all of that laundry piled up, waiting to be washed--along with the load still in the dryer and, come to think of it, the dishes are still in the dishwasher waiting to be properly placed as well.

Can I ask you to stop for just a moment, 60 seconds, and just pause.  Be still.  Take a deep breath.  If a window is nearby, gaze out towards it and remember this:  This is the day that the Lord has made.  This one!  Right at this very moment our heavenly and oh-so-sweet Lord is resting on His throne, and guess what friends?  He's got it all under control!  Yeah, life has a way of weighing down on us but only if we let it.  Relax!    

Okay.  You've looked outside and been still for 20 seconds or so and are itching to get back to it but wait!  There's still another part to do--the better part.  For you see, there's a second portion to this verse that goes like this:  let us rejoice and be glad in it.  Mmn hmn.  Shout glory or hallelujah!  Someone may look at you funnily but what else is new?  Whisper a quiet thanks.  Murmur a silent prayer but not of "Help me, God" but instead "Thank You, Lord."  After all, you have clothes to wear, right?  Some don't.  Dishes to put up means you probably have been eating.  There are many out there begging for what you scraped off of those plates.  You have a job to go to so you can help to provide for your family.  Some can't even get off of the couch.  Mostly though?  You've got a God that loves you beyond measure.  He's numbered your very hairs and notices each tear, each sigh, each unutterable prayer.

Okay, 10 seconds left.  Take another deep breath.  Exhale slowly.  Smile at someone randomly and see the unexpected joy you just put in his/her life by this teeny little act of kindness.  By now, my prayer is that you are smiling too!

Not bad for a minute of your time, huh?  Let's do it again soon!

Get your own Steve!

I can be a hard woman to love.  I am moody, temperamental, often emotional, and when I don't get my own way, I can often be bitter, spiteful, and just be a downright hate goat.  Fortunately for me, though, God knew all of this when He created me and knew that I would often need to be treated with kid gloves (ha ha!  I crack myself up when I unintentionally make a pun!).  Therefore, He sent to me a most excellent shepherd to help soothe the savage beast in me.

Case in point:  the other night when we were saying our bedtime prayers, it was my turn.  If you read my blog from yesterday, this will make more sense to you but if you didn't, just refer to the above paragraph.  We've been learning more about the election of God's saints and such, so as I was talking to God, I was thanking Him for loving us and choosing us.  I told God how I could understand Him picking Steve--but I couldn't understand why He would want a wretch like me.  Steve, who was holding my hand, squeezed it fiercely, and admonished me with a firm whisper, saying "God is not happy when you talk like that!"

Wow!  My heart was instantly pricked with amazement.  Sometimes I still get in that age-old mode of thinking that God is up there on His throne, fist clenched, and ready to come down on me for every awful thing I do.  Since there are many wicked thoughts and feelings in this ol' girl, that can cause quite a bit of trepidation in my soul.  However, with one sentence--albeit firmly spoken--I was reminded that God is not this way, that He is not up there recording my every lapse of judgment, keeping a tally of my deeds done in the flesh, nor getting His mighty book of Stef's Wrong Doings ready to add more pages to because of my wayward behavior.  Nope.   Instead, He is looking on me with love, with smiles, and with approval.  For a gal like me who is in constant need of affirmation, this is overwhelming!

In Ephesians 5:25, men are told to do something:  

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it

How blessed I am that God has given me a real-life example of Christ to be by my side, to show me unconditional love, to not let me talk badly about myself, and to be my help meet in every way!  When I forget that God considers me as He does His only Begotten, Steve is there to encourage me and point me back to the Father of Love.  Friends, this is priceless!  I highly suggest you all get your own Steve (as a friend was once told when he was taking up a little too much time with this fine man of mine and this soul was honing in on the other fella's time with him) so that you too may experience God in the flesh and not in the old fable of the mean ol' miser who is waiting to write you off.  There's also a few others that do this in my life.  They are called Gloria, Betty, Virginia, Beth, Lisa, Pam, Audrey, Tammy, and other beautiful names.  But the one that matters most?  His name is Jesus and in Him I find redemption, acceptance, and adoration.  Me!  All I can say to that is "Oh what a Saviour!  Oh hallelujah!  Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch--I mean, a woman--like me!  I once was blind but now I see."

Thank You, Lord God, for opening my eyes to Your real personality.  I apologize for all of the times I didn't see Your softer side, the persona of the One Who runs to His children when they hurt:  the One Whose arms are always open, Whose ears are always listening, and Who never grows weary when His kids continue coming to Him with their demands.  How wonderful and magnificent You are!  May I find my security and my solace in You and when I falter, thank You for the others You send me way to show me You when I need that extra boost.

I love You, Lord.  Thanks for loving me too!  Amen.

Saying Goodbye Is Never An Easy Thing

I'm going to die.  Oh no:  not today and probably not tomorrow but then again, who knows?  Not me.  

I thought I was ready for this day and was even looking forward to it.  Then, I got this report that made me wonder if my time to leave here could potentially be sooner than I expected.  So I began to wonder, to ponder, and to reconcile within myself all the things I've done, want to do, and hope to do before the moment of death takes me from this life onto the next.

I used to think I didn't want a funeral because I honestly didn't think anyone would show up.  But now, as I think about my final… performance?  No, that's not the right word.  Hmn.  My last words?  No, that doesn't work either since I will already be gone.  Although others may have a few words (hopefully nice ones) to say on my behalf to tell of all of my wonders and what a great person I was (cough!), that's still not quite the right thing I want to express.  I've got it!  My final farewell.  All the things others want to remember about me and all the things I hope that they will reminisce over when my days on this earth come to their end are what have been running through my mind.

You know that Tim McGraw song "Live Like You Were Dying" and the things his dad wanted to do before death knocked on his door?  Well, I have always wanted to fly so I guess skydiving would be on my bucket list too.  Rocky Mountain climbing?  No, but I wouldn't mind seeing the coast of Maine in the fall.  I most certainly have no desire to ride ol' Foo Man Choo!  Yeah, I'd love to love deeper, speak sweeter, but forgiveness I've been denying?  I honestly think I am good with that.  Oh sure, there are some wrongs done to me that I'd love to talk over with the ones who hurt me but I don't hold that against them anymore.  It was another power at work, seeking to steal, kill, and destroy and it was successful on too many occasions but I see it now for what it really was.

I started this blog off with the words "I'm going to die" and that may cause some of you to wonder what's wrong with me.  Well, I'll tell you.  It's that dreaded "c" word:  cancer.  Basal and Squamous Cell cancers have once again penetrated my skin and in less than two weeks, I get to have Mohs Surgery on three places on my face.  Again.  For you see, I've already had one of these types of surgery before on my left side of my face.  I joke with people about my scar, telling them I was in a knife fight but that I won.  But now I'm not laughing.  I'm scared.  I fear that the two places on my forehead are really just a part of a series of cancers that are connected and will need radical treatment.  I fear that because they are closer to my tiny little brain that they may have already started their descent into it and prepared to take over. The one on my nose?  Well, it's been treated many times before as well.  For about as long as I can remember, I was dubbed "Rudolph" because I too had a very shiny, red nose that was constantly sunburnt and blistered.

Many will tell me that this surgery is no big deal and that it is quite successful in removing these hateful beasts--and they would be right.  I've done my homework and researched the facts.  But that doesn't still the fatalist spirit in my heart that this time it's gonna be worse than the first Mohs done, that these scars will run deeper than the superficial.  I know that most of this attitude comes from the whispers of the devil and how he's just trying to get me to focus on the lies rather than the knowledge of how far medical science has come.  For when he does that, my eyes aren't on Christ, the Great Physician.  My heart isn't comforted by His Words and Promises when I let the fears take over.  My peace is shattered when I allow the thoughts of my dear sister dying from melanoma seven years ago to permeate into my mind and though I know this cancer isn't as severe, it all starts somewhere, right?  

Sigh.  There's a song I love called "In The Light" by dc Talk.  My favorite lines in it go like this:

The disease of self runs through my blood

It's a cancer fatal to my soul

Every attempt on my behalf has failed

To bring this sickness under control

I wanna be in the Light

As You are in the Light

I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens

Oh, Lord be my Light and be my salvation

'Cause all I want is to be in the Light

All I want is to be in the Light

Friends, I don't know the future and what will be the deciding factor that takes my life from me.  I know that I am saved, that I have a better home awaiting, and that without Jesus Christ I have no hope.  With Him, though, I have so many wondrous hopes, so much love, and a confidence that I am a winner either way and when He calls me home, it will be for good.  So, when you pray for me--and I am expecting that you will!!--don't pray for healing or for divine intervention.  The path has already been planned out for me so what I ask is this:  when you do pray for me--and again, I expect you to!!--pray that whatever time I have on this earth is spent bring glory and honor to God.  My life is to be about Him, not about Stef.  Whether that's a couple of months or years on down the road (personally, my preference is to go in the Rapture with the rest of you and be done with this hurtful world), my sincere desire is that through my life you will see Jesus shining.

So, in conclusion, what do I want on my tombstone?  Loosed.  Freed. Redeemed. Completed.

Let's pray!

Dear God, I feel better already!  When I take the time to work through my fears, I see that You have me.  You have already loosened me from the grip of sin.  You have freed my soul from the condemnation of the wicked one.  You have through Your precious Son Jesus redeemed me and claimed me as Your child.  And when my last breath is breathed, I will be completed, my race over, the victory mine.  Through Jesus You have made this all possible and Lord God?  I thank You with all of my heart.

Now, Father, we both know I am going to relapse and the darkness of the night will try to let the demons of the fear of the unknown attack me.  When I am afraid, Lord, may I trust in You?  When I am scared, will You hold my hand?  And when the emotions tumble out as I fret over what all I have left to do and is there time, remind me that regardless of cancers or any other life-stealing device, I am Yours and my life here is only over when You say so.   And while I have breath, I am going to praise You, Lord!  Hallelujah!