The Heat of the Night

July 7, 2014 Do you remember that tv show from the late 80s-early 90s "In the Heat of the Night" that starred Carroll O'Connor and Howard E. Rollins? Steve and I used to watch it way back then and--since we made the move back to antenna and got rid of cable--rediscovered it this weekend. Often tense, always dealing with some sort of explosive emotion, this show never ceased to make one...feel. The episode we watched last night was no exception. Titled "The Family Secret," IMDB provided the following synopsis: A magnificent statue of a Confederate officer is unveiled in the Sparta town square, the gift of the well respected Merrill family, Stuart and Bernice, who are in attendance with their granddaughter Mary Lynn. Bill Gillespie and his inamorata, Joanne St. John, are there along with Bubba Skinner. Embarrassingly, Claudia Merrill, Stuart and Bernice's daughter and Mary Lynn's mother, is not at the ceremony because she is "indisposed" (drunk) at home. That evening Stuart is murdered in his art glass studio, which is a shambles of broken art objects. Gillespie and Virgil Tibbs question Bernice, who blames Claudia. At the police station, Claudia confesses to the murder, but refuses to reveal her motive. Against Gillespie's advice, Virgil probes the case, which proves more sordid than anyone imagines." Sordid indeed. Thinking I might should stop watching because I was afraid I knew where this was headed, I found myself mesmerized. Seeing the pain in my eyes as he too recalled how closely--too closely--I was acquainted with this storyline, Steve even offered to turn it off during a particularly relatable portion dealing with "mommy knows but pretends that she doesn't" followed by an "it's your fault for being attractive and enticing him" scene. Sad sigh. Once the memories start they are so hard to shut off. At the end of the show when the murderer turned out to be another one of this "great man's" victims, my heart was in shreds. As the two so-very-sad women clung together in mirrored grief and heartbreak, I internally processed the building rage inside of me as I recollected my own history of abuse. Sadly though, I didn't have a comforter to help me through it (at that time, anyways). The young girl said something and I have for the past hour or so tried to find the script but cannot. It went something along the lines of--as she and her mother were discussing what innocence and happiness were--that "he took that from us, didn't he?" Isn't it great, just absolutely wonderful (and yes, that is sarcasm you are reading here), how a tv show that took place decades ago can still have such a powerful effect today? As I listened to such lines as "He just loved you so much he had to show you," or "He said he'd never do it again" flooding my living room, I nearly became sick. It's bad enough to be abused; it's so much worse when there are other family members who know of the abuse but would rather turn a blind eye as to admit the truth of it. My mother's favorite line was "If he ever tries something like that on Billy {my brother} then we will leave." Nah, I don't have any self-esteem issues from that statement. Okay, enough dwelling on the past. My point for this blog is that sexual abuse is much more in the social eye today than it was back in the day of this tv show--although shows like this impacted it in ways for others to finally be free to share their stories, share their shames, and share their victories as they went from guilt-ridden souls to ones that were now victorious. I am saddened each day to hear of sex-trafficking, child abuse, and the effects that pornography have on a daily basis. I am disgusted by tv shows that promote teen-aged sex as the norm rather than as the exception. I despise shopping for clothes when most stores seem to only offer shirts and bottoms that reveal more than is necessary. And dance studios!! They make our sweet little girls dress in provocative clothing, wear make-up that ages these little darlings into young sex kittens, and dance in ways that are enticing. Many folks remark on how "cute" this is but I...My heart just cries and bemoans the fact that parents have gotten caught up in the societal ritual that this is acceptable and on the other hand they fuss about how warped this world is. The world isn't making our kids vulnerable: we are. And it needs to stop. Sigh. If only people could see the long-term effects of this type of behavior. If only they would pay more attention to what goes on in their own homes before letting their kids into the homes of others. Yes, I know I can be prudish but it just isn't cute to me to see photographs of little girls dressed as...as provocative young women. It just isn't nice to see sweet, innocent children gyrating their hips in dances that are the latest craze. Don't even get me started on the things that I see from videos posted about Zumba classes! Please: ladies, if you think you need this type of exercise to stay fit, please don't post it for all of your friends and their significant others to see. Once an image is in the mind, it's awfully hard to discard. Do you really want your friends' mates looking at you and remembering the way you were shaking it on the dance floor and now are in front of them at church or other social functions, acting all dignified? No, I didn't think you did. Okay. I'll get off of my self-made pedestal for now. To wrap it all up, I guess my point today is that we are responsible. We have to be responsible! Now, don't twist my words and say that if you dress in a way that is enticing that "you are asking for it" because that is not at all what I am saying. While we cannot be held accountable for what others are thinking, we must be aware of things that we do that encourage lewd thoughts. Was I dressing too femininely when my dad tried stuff on me? Not at all. On the contrary, I made myself as unattractive as possible, trying not to do anything that would make him notice me. What I am saying is that if you have daughters, nieces, granddaughters, or other young women in your care then don't teach them to dance provocatively, to put on make up too soon, to wear clothes that are not appropriate. Keep them innocent for as long as you can. Yes, teach them about the evils that are out there but don't teach them how to provoke those evils. Keep a watchful eye on them--and on those men you let into your world. It's not a safe place. The family secrets are out now. Don't you wish you didn't know?