Satisfaction

Satisfaction.  Contentment.  Happiness?  Entitlement.  Instant gratification.  Do any of these words describe your current sense of self?  Wander with me for a few minutes as I explore this thought.

Yesterday I started reading the book The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins.  It’s been made into a movie and it looked intriguing so I thought I’d read the book first because, well, it also seemed a bit... odd.  Right up my alley!  I was only able to read the first few chapters but one of the quotes in it really got me to thinking.  It goes like this:

“I have never understood how people can blithely disregard the damage they do by following their hearts.  Who said that following your heart is a good thing?  It is pure egotism, a selfishness to conquer all.”

This is in reference to how the main character’s husband had left her for another woman.  I think most of us have at one point or another been the victim of unrequited love, whether it was as a kid in the throes of puppy love or perhaps of the more serious version that involves disillusionment and left us with a broken heart that maybe still has a crack or two in it later on in life.  But that’s not what I want to write about this morning.  No, I want to discuss the issue of self.  

Nearly two months ago, my pastor was laid low due to a sickness that literally had him pondering if his end was near.  He’s just a wee bit older than me and obviously in the world’s eyes, this means one still has a little bit of life left to live.  While in the hospital, he spoke of contemplating his end and wondered if his affairs were in order, if there was any unconfessed sin in his life that he needed to deal with before standing before God.  This in turn got me to thinking about my own accountability and um, did I too need to do a spiritual check-up?  Couldn’t hurt, right?  I mean, after all, none of us are promised our next breath and considering he spoke these words while preaching a funeral of one of our beloved church members, it seemed only appropriate that I too consider this issue.  

So I did.

Obviously, we all know that God knows our thoughts before we think them.  We know He is aware of every hair of our head, each ache in our bones, and all those “things” we do when we think that no one is looking.  Sometimes it seems unnecessary to talk to God about things of which He is already well aware of but to maintain a good relationship with Him, this is something we should do in order to stay on good speaking terms with Him.  As I pondered my life and what stage I am in it, I thought about a couple of things that I might not have been conversing with my Dad about.  Why?  Hmn.  I mean, as long as I just am considering something that doesn’t mean action has to be taken, right?  It’s not like I would really do them.  Probably.  Maybe. And honestly:  does thinking about something equal actual sin?

Uh, yeah, Stef.  Do you remember what Jesus taught long years ago on this topic?  Here’s a quick reminder from Mark 7:18-23:

“And He saith unto them, Are ye so without understanding also? Do ye not perceive, that whatsoever thing from without entereth into the man, it cannot defile him; Because it entereth not into his heart, but into the belly, and goeth out into the draught, purging all meats?
And He said, That which cometh out of the man, that defileth the man.
For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness: All these evil things come from within, and defile the man.”

Uh oh.  This indeed proves those thoughts can bring destruction.  Thankfully though, there are other verses to help us out in times like these, verses such as these from Ephesians 4:22-32 which tell us:

“That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness. Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another.  Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:  Neither give place to the devil.  Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth.Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.  And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.  Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:  And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.”

So now that we are aware of this, what are we to do?   A lot!  Let’s begin with taking our thoughts captive, as is strongly advised in 2 Corinthians 10:5-6.  I was just going to say verse 5 but as I re-read it, verse 6 really seemed to stand out to me:

“Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.”

When “my obedience is fulfilled”?  What’s that supposed to mean?!

I think it’s pretty clear.  “Having a readiness to revenge all disobedience” is a flesh issue.  Oh sure:  I could go on about my way, seeking comfort, satisfaction, pleasure, and doing whatever I deemed necessary to ensure my life is that of being all about Stef.  But...you know what?  It’s not.  It’s not about me.  It’s not about me being spoiled here on earth, being catered to, and having every wish come true.  

Gulp.

That’s a jagged little pill to swallow but swallow it I must if my true desire is to be more like Christ.  And I assure you that it is--that this is my heart’s intention.  But if I am going to profess that, then I must confess it as well.  Confess that I am impure, vile at times, selfish, stingy, rude, hateful, and so many other unChristlike things that I think I must stop writing now and go to my secret place and have a little talk with Jesus.  I heard a song once that told me that doing this “would make it right.”  Another instance in The Girl on the Train was when Rachel mused about wishing she was Catholic so she could go tell a priest all of her thoughts and get that absolution she desired for her ruminations.  While not a Catholic myself, I can relate to my own High Priest that can be talked to at any time, not just in a confession booth.  So, if you need to chat with me, that’s where I’ll be for a little bit!  The Lord and I have quite a few things to discuss.

Let’s pray!

Dear Lord, once again You have used secular things to point me back to You.  From Pastor Dale’s illness to this novel I am reading and to, well, life itself with its day in and day out occurrences.  Father?  I must confess to You that--yes, again--it’s me, it’s me, Oh Lord, who stands in the need of prayer.  

God, my thoughts can be so wicked!  I flush now as I remember some of the things that I have allowed myself to think about.  Lord, I have allowed too much time to be wasted thinking on these things.  Remind me, Dad, that You have a better way.  May I reflect on the “whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”  This is my heart’s desire, Lord, and with Your guidance and my obedience this can be achieved.  I’m ready to start now!

Thank You for this lesson, Lord God.  May my life honor You is my earnest prayer in the name of Jesus Christ, the only One Who got it right the first time.  Though it’s taking me a bit longer, may I too excel at this soon. Amen.