For Shirley

My friend lost her grandson.  He was still young, early 30s, and her heart is broken.  When he was a baby, she cared for him, took him to church, and poured so much love into him.  His name was Kelly and as I agonized last night over this situation, wondering what words I could use to comfort her when his final breath was taken, I realized I had none.  

Sigh.

I tried to think up ways to say "I know how you feel" but I don't.  I haven't lost one of my grandchildren.  I thought maybe I could say something to the effect of "The lessons you taught him as a child will not return void."  But, I didn't know him so how can I vouch for this Biblical truth when I wasn't a part of the village that raised him?  

I thought I could just go to her and hold her and let her lead into the next part.  Maybe she'd cry.  Maybe she'd share some more stories with me.  Just the other day she showed me his high school picture and I must say, he sure was a looker!  Maybe she'd have more photos and tales to go with them that would help to heal her heart as it aches for the little boy that she used to hold in her arms.

Lastly, I thought to myself what would I want at a time like this?  What could my new friends offer who really don't know my past, my family, and what made us function and dysfunction?  What would I want from folks who are trying to help when I could barely stand, much less carry on a conversation, trying to introduce them to my beloved when my soul felt like it was being ripped apart?  Certainly not platitudes and Bible verses taken out of context.  I would not want my grief to be contained because of fear that they would think I really have lost it.  I would not want sympathetic smiles when they could not possibly know the extent of the anguish I was feeling.

So, for now, I will do nothing.  For this day, I will pray for my friend's heartache and I will plan something for another day when she has had time to process this loss.  And then, one day soon, I'll give her that hug.  Hopefully I will get to listen to those stories of Kelly and see more images of this young man who is no longer with us.  I will learn from this experienced woman more about grief than I have been exposed to and how she loved through it all.  For you see, love is the greatest and Shirley has that so deeply engrained in her that I just know that she will stand tall along this pathway that she never wanted to walk down.  Though I cannot go the whole way with her, I will meet her on down the road to let her know she's not on this journey alone.  And until then I shall leave her in our Father's care and comfort.  After all, He does know what it's like to lose a child.  Who better to commiserate with and to cry with than God Himself?  May He bring peace through the turmoil is my earnest prayer, asked in the name of Jesus Christ.  Amen.