Wrestlemania

Did you ever have one of those moments--or days, or weeks, perhaps even months--when it seemed all the cosmic forces were fighting against you to keep you from accomplishing either the most simplest of tasks or maybe to keep you from doing something monumental, earth-shattering, and possibly life-changing--or just what is expected of you on any given day?  If so, you may relate to what I am writing today.

On Monday, I started reading the book of Jeremiah and oh my, the notes I wrote to myself, the sticky tabs I put in the Bible itself, and the discussion I later had with Steve set me on so much fire that I could hardly keep from scorching the chair I was sitting in.  Well, maybe it wasn’t that drastic but it certainly got my wandering mind going off on a myriad of directions and I could just see the future blogs, the memes I would make, and the encouragement that these words  had given me could be shared with you who read this page.

Tuesday came and I was ready to write to you all about it.  Or, at least about some of the things I discovered and that were revealed to me.  However, some certain something kept me from coming in here to my Pretty Purple Room and before I knew it, six hours had passed and it was time for my weekly appointment with the gals at Card Ministry.  Boy, was I mad!  I knew I should have put first things first and I was ill and sick at myself for once again putting my studying and devotions on the back burner.

Wednesday?  Well, Wednesday is Bible Study morning and although I could have hurriedly come in here for a few minutes and written something, my heart just wasn’t in it.  My thoughts were being filled with a new space consumer as I was overcome with helplessness and dismay and anger at finding out about one of my oldest friend’s plight with cancer and the effects it was having on her husband.  Although I was able to quasi-comfort her with some words, a prayer, and a link to possible avenues that might assist her, I still felt incomplete.

So, here we are now.  Today.  Thursday.  Oh, I was wise to these distractions and was not going to keep them from coming in here to my PPR and blogging.  Until…

Until I got that email.  You know the type.  They come dressed up as something you just must address and then as you ponder the words in it, you find yourself--once again--off task.  Angry even.  Perturbed.  And questioning.

The words written in it--on the surface--were fine.  But it was as I got in the flesh and pondered them more thoroughly that the devil started whispering his lies, starting trying to make me angry at what was indirectly said, and getting all Stef-righteous about it.  I could feel myself starting to seethe and then I wondered:  how does one go from being angry to not sinning about it?  How do I keep myself vindicated (if only in my own mind) and not let evil result from it?  When does anger become sin and what was I going to do to not let that happen?

Sigh.

Can’t you just choke on my piousness?  Can’t you just feel yourself squirm in discomfort as you see that my heart’s intents so often don’t align with what is true, right, noble, lovely, and admirable?  Yeah, I too just threw up a little inside of my mouth.

In closing, I could have just continued to sit there, continued ignoring the problem while it was privately, subconsciously, kindling in the back of my mind.  Or...or I could just stop.  Stop!  Stop the negative thoughts.  Stop the listening to the wicked one’s whispers.  Stop trying to think of ways to correct the individual who ticked me off.  I could be better today and practice what has been preached and teached to me (sorry former English teacher friends and/or Grammar Nazis but I needed this to rhyme).  I could keep the anger from turning into sin all in one easy step.  I just had to stop.

So I did.  Woo hoo:  go Stef!  A problem is as hard as I allow it to be and while I can’t solve them all, this one was doable.  Or don’table (see note above about grammar).  My behaviour and my actions are in my control and I do have the right to choose if I am going to be mad or if I am going to choose the better part.  

Oh, in case you were wondering why I couldn’t write at other times during the day, I’ll tell you.  Most of my best work is done in the mornings when my mind is fresh and unconvoluted, before too many of the cares of this world sneak in.  So, if you are reading this today, thanks!  I hope it helps you to see that we aren’t in this alone and that even though we try to have the best of intentions, we don’t always succeed and while that’s not great, it is okay.  Don’t beat yourself up over what you didn’t do.  Instead, focus on the now and what you can do to be better.  Find your special time when you are at your peak and use it.  Don’t let it be stolen from you, or--even worse--don’t so blithely hand it over to ol’ Slew Foot.  He’ll take and take and take and steal and steal and steal.  Christ came that we might have the abundant life and that our joy might be full.  Don’t walk around half-empty.

Let’s pray!

Dear Lord, first off I want to apologize for not seeking You first.  I know that the mornings are when I should put You above all else and when I don’t, I am lesser for it.

Thank You for mercies that are new each day.  Thank You for forbearance and for not trying to guilt me into doing things but instead allowing me to do them when I can joyfully do so.  Free will is Your gift to me, to Your children.  

As I strive to use the gifts I have to serve You, I ask that You bless those efforts and keep my Stefishness out of the way.  I ask You to take away my Stef-righteousness, and I ask You to continue working in me and prompting me to believe truth over lies.  I need You and Your direction, Father God.  May I shine today and get out from behind the clouds is my prayer, asked in the name of Jesus Christ.  Amen!