The 3 Ms

Lately I have had three prayer requests for those who ask how they can pray for me.  Each begins with the letter m to help make it easier for them.  Mouth, mind, and motivation.  These are the key areas of my life in which I strongly and urgently need divine assistance from.

My mouth often gets me into trouble.  It speaks without hesitation at times.  It spouts off bitter words rather than the sweet ones for which it was designed.  It responds in anger when something has been said to me that my flesh did not like.  Because I am a writer, my mouth is connected too closely to my fingers and like my lips, they don't always know when to stop.

My mind thinks about all of this as it happens.  It wonders and wanders about the best response.  In the space of a millisecond, it can rationalize, argue, and draw on past memories to send it into one orbit or another universe, all while battling against itself for the rightful response.

And there's where motivation comes in.  I can please the flesh or I can please the Father.  I don't always choose correctly.

This morning while reading Proverbs 15, verse 28 stood out to me.  It reads likes this:  The heart of the righteous studies how to answer, But the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil.

A righteous heart is what I yearn for but too often have to contend with a self-righteous one instead.  Thus, my prayer request for the 3 Ms.  If my mouth will fall in line with my mind's thoughts--when they are seeking the good things, that is--my motivation for pleasing the Lord and reflecting a Christ-like attitude will all work together.  

Something happened yesterday and it really set me off.  I was in danger of losing control of my actions and fumed for quite a while.  The things I wrote and then deleted.  The thoughts I had that were filled with such meanness!  And let's not even talk about the self-recriminations for being so vile.

When my husband came home and we discussed our days, I of course had to share all of this with him.  Then, as he so often does, my hubby balmed my disquieted soul with this reminder from James:  Be angry and sin not.  

"Get mad," he said.  "Be furious!  God never said you couldn't be upset.  But tell Him.  Rant and rave to Him.  He can take it.  He can deal with your mean thoughts.  He can handle your unkind words.  They don't surprise Him and they don't lessen you in His eyes."  

Something like that.  Steve wasn't giving me a license to be Hate Goat Queen of the Year but he was validating my emotions and my right to them.  At the same time, he was reminding me that if I look for fault over one incident then I am probably going to have a wealth of material to draw from as I ruminate over the past mistakes of the one who infuriated me and before long an avalanche of bitterness may well up in me, taking me down a path that is not meant to be trod.  As I dwell on past infractions, my mind is filled with things that are not lovely, not good, and not Christlike.  

It's so easy for the devil to sidetrack me.  An innocent conversation can quickly turn into a place for him to stick his nasty foot and interrupt something good with insinuations, falsehoods, and damage my calm that was too easily blown away.  See why I need the 3 Ms prayed consistently and fervently for me?  Let's do that now, shall we, lest I ramble on and on?

Dear Lord, 

To begin with, I need to apologize to You for being such a late bloomer.  Things that have resonated with others for years I seem to have a harder time grasping and applying.  Controlling the tongue has been taught to me for years but somehow I keep failing the test.  You know how I strive to achieve success in this area but Father?  I keep faltering.

As I come to You now and ask for help with my mouth, my mind, and my motivation, I ask for You to implement Your Word more thoroughly into my life.  My aim is to be more like Jesus and when I miss the mark, Lord, it saddens me.  

Thank You for Your Word, Your mercy, and Your longsuffering as I continue this journey.  Thank You for the opportunities You place before me to do better.  May I do better today is my prayer.  Amen.

Smart Phones Don't Make You A Smart Person

File this one under the “Who’s The Dummy Now?” folder.  Seriously.

This morning as I was quasi-awake but not quite wanting to face reality, a nagging thought, a tiny whisper really, kept echoing in my mind:  go check your bank balance.  Unable to shake it, I gave up those last hopes of much-needed beauty sleep and got up.  I (of course) went to the bathroom, did my business, washed my hands, and sat down to my computer.  Can you imagine my dismay and shock as I saw where nearly $400.00 in bank fees had been charged to my credit card?  Oh my cow!!  That earlier whisper had been right!!

I closely examined my charges, realized what mistake had been done, and sure enough:  it was my fault.  While fighting down the instinct to panic and tempering it with what a valued customer I was, I rationalized to myself and then later to Steve that I thought the bank would surely waive the fees since it was an honest mistake and no harm had been done.  And if they didn’t?  Well, we’d just transfer our funds (what was left of them, anyways)  to another one!

Long story short, my bank did indeed waive my fees.  They admonished me gently that the next time I tried to do something on my own, that perhaps they could better assist me and no penalties would be added to my account.  I humbly took the sweet representative’s advice and assured her that I would do just that.  No more relying on my smart phone with its tiny little words that my feeble eyes can’t always discern.  Oh sure:  I rely on this modern technology to keep me updated on all the latest things and people and news and so on but you know what?  There’s nothing like real, good, true, one-on-one conversation with someone who is on the other end of the line, waiting to assist me, wanting to hear my story, and offering to help get me out of whatever bind I have most recently gotten myself into--or preventing me from blundering in the first place!

Sounds kind of like Jesus, doesn’t it?  How many times do I start my day off reading a devotion by some writer, and then later reading a couple more of them in my email, “liking” the memes posted by my friends that show a verse of the day or some other uplifting quote and/or picture to encourage me that I should be at peace and happy and blissful as I bask in the knowledge that God loves me?  And while there is nothing wrong with these venues, there is no replacement for the Word of God, The Holy Bible.  When I go to It, there I get the personal touch and words of my God, straight from the top, if you will.  I read His commands, His directions, and read of His infinite love and patience through the stories He allowed to be written for my edification.  I can speak to Him directly through prayer and know that my “call” goes through every time, that I don’t have to worry if wi-fi is available, and mostly?  There are no overage charges with God!  My minutes don’t expire.  My data is not capped.  Why, my every thought has already been sifted through His capable hands so I don’t even have to worry about my SD card not having enough space on it nor my phone’s memory running out.  Ha!  I don’t even have to worry about recharging my battery because my Power Source is unlimited in the things He can take care of.

Lesson learned, Stef.  Just as my smart phone can’t make me smarter, neither can half-hearted attempts on my part make me more like Christ.  I have to apply myself to Him, not just to the icing (as my pastor likes to call it).  Although I do love the icing, it’s the cake, the Christ, that makes me full.  

Rejoice with me as I thank God for this blessing and lesson?  Thanks!

Oh dear Lord, how You must shake Your head at these kids of Yours, kids like me who often have to keep repeating the same lessons over and over, while You sit back, not saying “I told you so” but instead giving us the opportunity to finally get it right.

Thank You for the return of the money I nearly lost in my haste to do things on the road with my phone instead of slowing down and making sure all was the way it should have been.  Thank You for the love of my husband who did not rant and rail at me for my carelessness and who--even though I said “There goes my Christmas presents for this year”--continuously shows me patience and forbearance.  He’s so much like You, Lord!  Thank You for his example to me.

Mostly though, God, I want to thank You for mercy.  It’s there when I mess up financially, physically, personally, and spiritually.  Your grace amazes me daily, Father, and I thank You for pouring it out on me.  May I do the same is my prayer today, in the precious name of Jesus, amen.

PS

Thank You for not charging me fees when I mess up, Lord! Thanks to You, my account has been settled and secured. Though it's a debt I could not afford, because of Your sacrifice, it's one that I don't have to repay. As if!

Wrestlemania

Did you ever have one of those moments--or days, or weeks, perhaps even months--when it seemed all the cosmic forces were fighting against you to keep you from accomplishing either the most simplest of tasks or maybe to keep you from doing something monumental, earth-shattering, and possibly life-changing--or just what is expected of you on any given day?  If so, you may relate to what I am writing today.

On Monday, I started reading the book of Jeremiah and oh my, the notes I wrote to myself, the sticky tabs I put in the Bible itself, and the discussion I later had with Steve set me on so much fire that I could hardly keep from scorching the chair I was sitting in.  Well, maybe it wasn’t that drastic but it certainly got my wandering mind going off on a myriad of directions and I could just see the future blogs, the memes I would make, and the encouragement that these words  had given me could be shared with you who read this page.

Tuesday came and I was ready to write to you all about it.  Or, at least about some of the things I discovered and that were revealed to me.  However, some certain something kept me from coming in here to my Pretty Purple Room and before I knew it, six hours had passed and it was time for my weekly appointment with the gals at Card Ministry.  Boy, was I mad!  I knew I should have put first things first and I was ill and sick at myself for once again putting my studying and devotions on the back burner.

Wednesday?  Well, Wednesday is Bible Study morning and although I could have hurriedly come in here for a few minutes and written something, my heart just wasn’t in it.  My thoughts were being filled with a new space consumer as I was overcome with helplessness and dismay and anger at finding out about one of my oldest friend’s plight with cancer and the effects it was having on her husband.  Although I was able to quasi-comfort her with some words, a prayer, and a link to possible avenues that might assist her, I still felt incomplete.

So, here we are now.  Today.  Thursday.  Oh, I was wise to these distractions and was not going to keep them from coming in here to my PPR and blogging.  Until…

Until I got that email.  You know the type.  They come dressed up as something you just must address and then as you ponder the words in it, you find yourself--once again--off task.  Angry even.  Perturbed.  And questioning.

The words written in it--on the surface--were fine.  But it was as I got in the flesh and pondered them more thoroughly that the devil started whispering his lies, starting trying to make me angry at what was indirectly said, and getting all Stef-righteous about it.  I could feel myself starting to seethe and then I wondered:  how does one go from being angry to not sinning about it?  How do I keep myself vindicated (if only in my own mind) and not let evil result from it?  When does anger become sin and what was I going to do to not let that happen?

Sigh.

Can’t you just choke on my piousness?  Can’t you just feel yourself squirm in discomfort as you see that my heart’s intents so often don’t align with what is true, right, noble, lovely, and admirable?  Yeah, I too just threw up a little inside of my mouth.

In closing, I could have just continued to sit there, continued ignoring the problem while it was privately, subconsciously, kindling in the back of my mind.  Or...or I could just stop.  Stop!  Stop the negative thoughts.  Stop the listening to the wicked one’s whispers.  Stop trying to think of ways to correct the individual who ticked me off.  I could be better today and practice what has been preached and teached to me (sorry former English teacher friends and/or Grammar Nazis but I needed this to rhyme).  I could keep the anger from turning into sin all in one easy step.  I just had to stop.

So I did.  Woo hoo:  go Stef!  A problem is as hard as I allow it to be and while I can’t solve them all, this one was doable.  Or don’table (see note above about grammar).  My behaviour and my actions are in my control and I do have the right to choose if I am going to be mad or if I am going to choose the better part.  

Oh, in case you were wondering why I couldn’t write at other times during the day, I’ll tell you.  Most of my best work is done in the mornings when my mind is fresh and unconvoluted, before too many of the cares of this world sneak in.  So, if you are reading this today, thanks!  I hope it helps you to see that we aren’t in this alone and that even though we try to have the best of intentions, we don’t always succeed and while that’s not great, it is okay.  Don’t beat yourself up over what you didn’t do.  Instead, focus on the now and what you can do to be better.  Find your special time when you are at your peak and use it.  Don’t let it be stolen from you, or--even worse--don’t so blithely hand it over to ol’ Slew Foot.  He’ll take and take and take and steal and steal and steal.  Christ came that we might have the abundant life and that our joy might be full.  Don’t walk around half-empty.

Let’s pray!

Dear Lord, first off I want to apologize for not seeking You first.  I know that the mornings are when I should put You above all else and when I don’t, I am lesser for it.

Thank You for mercies that are new each day.  Thank You for forbearance and for not trying to guilt me into doing things but instead allowing me to do them when I can joyfully do so.  Free will is Your gift to me, to Your children.  

As I strive to use the gifts I have to serve You, I ask that You bless those efforts and keep my Stefishness out of the way.  I ask You to take away my Stef-righteousness, and I ask You to continue working in me and prompting me to believe truth over lies.  I need You and Your direction, Father God.  May I shine today and get out from behind the clouds is my prayer, asked in the name of Jesus Christ.  Amen!

Whole Lot of Shaking Goin' On? I wish!

According to my Google feed and Facebook reminders, today is International Day of Peace.  According to ibtimes.com:  “The UN inducted the peaceful holiday back in 1981, devoting the day to 'commemorating and strengthening the ideals of peace both within and among all nations and peoples.'”  

As I ponder the events of the last few days, peace would not be a word used to describe the atmosphere around them.  No, don’t stop reading because you think I am going to get all political and discuss racism and the Black Lives Matter Movement or defend the police departments or any other such arena.  Bear with me for just a couple of minutes, will you, please? I’ll try to not keep you too long.

What strikes me the most here lately--if I was using a word to define it--is that there is an air of non-concern, of aloofness.  Not that folks aren’t participating in debates, riots, and so on.  But rather, that there just does not seem to be any accountability for actions that we all choose to partake of.  We profess to being a Christian nation and yet our actions are showing that this quality just isn’t measuring up.  Our peoples, our friends, our families, neighbors, churches, and places of employment are divided.  Few agree on who is right, who’s wrong, and who needs to change.  Finger-pointing has reached an all-time high as--again--we profess to being Christians but...our fruit baskets are empty.

We can’t just say the words that are politically correct, friends.  We can’t in public declare one thing while behind closed doors we’re plotting on one another.  Instead, we should be praying for one another, for healing, for peace, and for unity.  We can’t just say we are “Christians” and then perform acts that must make our Lord bow His precious head in shame.

Are you familiar with this verse, the one pictured?  I’ve heard it for most of my life and must admit to feeling fearful each time.  It’s from James 2:19 and reads as follows:

Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble.

Why aren’t we trembling, brothers and sisters?  Why aren’t we shaking in our boots at what is going on in our nation, in our schools, communities, and yes, in our homes?  Why aren’t we at the bare minimum giving God due diligence and standing with Him as we strive to figure this vapor of life out and how to live peaceably with one another?  For when all is said and done, that’s all that will be left:  a faint disturbance of air where we once were.  Dissolving into the wind, and leaving behind a trace of...of what?  A sweet-smelling savor?  Oh, God!  How I hope to!  Rather than the stench of an unpleasant odor, may my life be one where someone remarks to another, “Did you smell that?  Its fragrance reminds me of...of...of flowers.  Sunshine.  Love.  Happiness.”

And may the one spoken to reply “Oh yes!  I know what you mean!  It’s been too long since that scent has been around.  Reminds me of better times when all was right with the world--or at least my world--because Stefanie was in it.”

Okay, okay.  Stop queuing up “You’re So Vain.”  I’m really not.  I’m just on a mission to matter, to make a difference, to motivate others to good works, as I’ve been instructed to do.  Lesson’s over for today, class.  For your homework, I want you to consider the heart of the matter, today on International Day of Peace.  Love one another.  Love your neighbor as yourself.  Do unto others as you’d have done unto you.  Yep:  you have to make the first move.  If peace is to have a chance, it’s got to begin with you.  Stop following the crowd and lead by example.  Who knows?  You might just one day have a movement named after you!

Let’s pray!

Oh Father, what a jumbled mess this blog is today.  Too many thoughts are running through my mind, jockeying for position as I endeavor to share the key point of why we Americans aren’t trembling, why we aren’t afraid of the consequences of our actions, of knowing You are watching our every move, reading our every thought, and waiting to see if our salvation is true or if self-reliance is going to rule our lives.  We say we’re Yours, Father, but we act like...dare I say it? Bastards.  We act like we’ve never heard the truth taught to us for so long.  We damage and destroy lives and property, fighting for “our rights” as humans--regardless of our skin color, social status, or citizenship.  

Have we forgotten this world is not our home, that we are all pilgrims, aliens?  Have we learned so little, Lord, that we think we are entitled to what belongs to another?  

Oh Lord!  

I cry out to You for mercy on my nation, on my neighbours, but mostly on me.  May I tremble with reverent fear as I await Your deliverance, Lord.  May I love better than ever before.  You are God.  Alone.  You are in control even when the world’s events seem to be so off-kilter.  You’ve got us, Lord, the ones Who you called.  How I hope our election may somehow find favor in Your eyes as we all purpose to do better, to love You above all others, and then?  And then to love our neighbor as ourselves.

In the name of Jesus Christ I pray these things, Lord God.  Amen.

Dad, I Need Your Help

There are three commands in this verse:  come, obtain, and find.  As you read, these are verbs that are going to take a little action, so let's get off of our duffs this morning and get to them, shall we?

Long years ago, I was a child growing up in a home that had a domineering father.  Maybe it was his military background or perhaps he just liked to be in control, but whatever the case, he was a hard man.  I lived in perpetual fear of doing something to upset the apple cart because his wrath was one I did not like to have fall upon me.  But because I too was a girl with determination, there were times when I would risk the fist of iron and go to him in search of what I needed:  my allowance, permission to go to the skating rink, and a ride from him to get there.  Same three things as the verse tells?  Almost.  

My dad had a sense of humor that most didn't think was funny.  Often, he liked to see my siblings and I beg for those things we wanted.  He'd agree we deserved our allowance after laboring so hard in the tobacco field.  He'd concur that it was Friday night and we should get to have some fun.  But the last part, how we'd get to said event?  Oh, that was the one he liked to see us squirm about.  Maybe it was to see how badly we truly wanted to go?  Maybe it was so we'd all agree to go to the same place (my sisters often tended to want to go to the ball games instead of the skating rink--and the school was a mile further up the road).  Who knows?  But by the time he finished toying with us and decided he'd take us, it was nearly the time for the place to open.  I don't know about you but there were three of us girls and one shower (kind of like the Brady Bunch).  Because of the grime of the field, obviously we all needed to clean up and since I was the youngest, there were times when I literally held my head out of the window of that old green station wagon in an effort to get my hair to dry on the way to our adventure because my time had been so limited in the bathroom and I didn't want to be the one to hold us up.

Sigh.  That tone, that attitude of having to plead for a simple favor shadowed my dealings with my Lord for much of my life.  If I wanted Him to do something on my behalf, I could almost feel His glare, His anger, as He considered whether or not I was even worthy to ask such a thing of Him.  Yet, as mentioned above, I was stubborn too so I would barter with God.  "Lord, if You will do this, I will do (or not do) such and such."  I'd beg of Him to grant me this request and wait like a cowering cat to see if He'd oblige me.  I'd try to reason with Him that I had earned or deserved to have this one thing.  And I'd curl up in a ball waiting to see if He'd answer me.

What a sad child I was!  The fear of God came from my own fear of my dad and it has taken many years to change this negative way of thinking into one where I may now come boldly to Him when I need--and I need often!  How did it happen?  Thanks for asking!  When I became a parent, I often found myself unconsciously modeling the behavior patterns of my parents.  But the more I watched my husband, the more I saw how his parents and aunt and uncle responded to my daughter's needs, the more I became aware that I had had it wrong about God.  When my child needed help--whether it was with homework, learning a new skill, or just some advice--she had no trouble going to her daddy to get these things.  She wasn't afraid of him; she adored him!  He rarely told her "no" to those things she desired--unless it was for her own good.  She didn't have to barter with him, nor did she have to shy away from asking for the hard stuff in fear of being mocked or scorned.  Nope.  She just went to him.  She presented her requests in a normal, conversational tone.  And she didn't wait expectantly:  she expected an immediate response.  This was her dad and she was his child.  Why would he not give her what she wanted, needed, or maybe just "had to have" for whatever reason?

Do you see it friends?  God is not our enemy.  He is not our fearsome leader Who has to have had an appointment set before He can find time in His busy world for us to commune with Him.  He isn't up on His throne waiting to mock us or ridicule us when we ask some wild things of Him.  Instead, He is our Daddy, our  Abba.  He delights in us, and wants to give us the desires of our hearts--especially when they line up with His will for our lives.

Go to Him.  Don't be afraid.  Ask Him for what you need--no matter if it is spiritual, financial, or on the behalf of another.  Don't mince your words and don't hem and haw.  Be bold.  Be forthright.  Be confident that what you ask of Him He has the power to fulfill.  Will He always say "yes" to what you want?  Of course not!  He knows better than we do what the result would be if He gave us everything we think we want!  But I tell you what:  He will listen.  He will consider you.  He will give you what you need even though it might be different than what you asked for.  He's merciful that way.  His grace is all sufficient.  And I have it on good authority that you have not because you ask not.  Go tell God what you need today.  I'll bet He'd love to hear from you!

Let's pray!

Dear Sweet Father, thank You for loving Your children and teaching us that perfect love casts out fear.  Thank You for showing us that Your ways are higher than ours.  Thank You for always being available when we need, when we want, and when we take the time to pencil You into our busy schedules.  

As Your kids come to You today--some on behalf of me!!--bless them.  Show them more powerfully than before that You hear them, that You love them, and that You want to be their "Go To Guy."  Thank You so much for loving us!!  We love You too!!!  In the name of Jesus, amen.

Sins of the Past

"Y'all aren't going to start randomly shooting people, are you" asks the man, who with his elderly father-in-law, began to sit down a few chairs away from us last night at the movie theater.  Mostly kidding, but deathly serious underneath the camaraderie that soon followed, he assured us he was packing and wasn't afraid to defend himself.

What a sad world to live in, where just going to what was once a carefree experience now has to be so closely and carefully monitored.  But, that's what is known as a consequence and even though the sin was not ours, we have to be prepared to deal with it.

This leads me nicely into today's blog.  Last night, we saw a movie entitled "The Gift."  IMDB provides us with this summary:  

A young married couple's lives are thrown into a harrowing tailspin when an acquaintance from the husband's past brings mysterious gifts and a horrifying secret to light after more than 20 years.

"Horrifying secrets brought to light."  Do you have one?  Two?  Maybe more?  Did you think that because they were in the past that they were no longer a part of your present?  Did you think that the crazy things you did in your youth would just be laughed at and brushed away without any consequences for those poor choices?  The Book of Numbers tells us that:  you may be sure that your sin will find you out (32:23).  Now, I won't spoil this movie for you but it is a great representation of how true this verse is.

A couple of times during the movie, there were parts that literally made me jump.  The first time, we all laughed, a little self-consciously because the couple on our other side also were startled.  The second time, the fella I previously referenced outright laughed and his wife and mother-in-law (who had joined him and his f-i-l) solicitously leaned over to ask if I was okay.  No, it wasn't a horror movie--I don't do those!  It just had some great suspense moments in it that truly added to the seriousness of the theme of the movie.

{Sidebar:  isn't it great that even though we have to approach strangers with trepidation at first, that usually it only takes a few moments to form a rapport and casual friendship/acceptance of them?  I think so too!}

My past is riddled with poor choices and I often face consequences from them daily.  No, they haven't made a movie about any of them yet--thank God!--but in all seriousness, some of the things I did in my youth and even in my "wiser" years still have lingering effects.  That's why it is so vital for me to capture my thoughts before they turn into actions.  That's why I must keep a guard over my tongue so that my words don't offend.  That's why I must keep my hands from shedding innocent blood.  My feet need to be on the path God has laid out for me rather than traveling down back roads that may lead me into temptation and trouble.  Will you pray for me:  that I will make good choices and that I will seek God--not man--with my whole heart?  I'd appreciate it!  

Let's pray now!

Dear Lord, once again You have shown Yourself mighty in my life.  This movie helped me to remember that my sins--though I have been redeemed from them--still have the power to issue consequences that may be devastating to me, my family, and to my witness.  Thank You for forgiveness, Father, and while I cannot change what has already happened, I beg You for mercy and grace to let these things pass under Your love.  And if they don't?  Then I ask for more mercy, more grace, and if needed--where needed--the contriteness of spirit to apologize to those I've offended, hurt, and/or left scarred.  Be with me, Lord, as the days go on and grow me in You is my prayer.  Amen.