I’ve been quietly learning a lot these last few...days? Weeks? Months? My whole life? Yeah, that would probably be most accurate. But here lately, it seems that I have not only learned to be content, but I have made peace with the things I am being taught. I’m not fighting against the things I cannot change like I used to. I’m not wrestling with the “what ifs” because-- as we all know by now--I’m a lover, not a fighter. I’m not a good spitter either, so I am learning to chew on things more slowly so that I don’t choke and have to cough up the bitter truths that I used to find so hard to swallow.
Earlier this year--in addition to choosing a life verse--I chose some words that I would ponder on. Words like “consider” and “perspective” along with “discipline” and “self-control.” “Being content” wasn’t on the list because I didn’t really think I had an issue with it. Steve and I are finally at a place in our lives that we have most everything we need and our physical wants are pretty well taken care of as well. Yet...yet, something was missing. Some satisfaction had not been obtained although I am not sure which area in my life it was missing from.
Until…
Until one day, some things just quietly dawned on me. “My life is so good,” I thought to myself. Oh sure, I don’t get to see my grandchildren as much as I used to. No, I don’t have a successful career. My family that I was born into often clouds my thoughts but...but when I found myself focusing on the whatsoevers of the Bible instead, when I found myself looking up rather than around, and when I finally accepted the things that I cannot change...well, it was then that it all began to unfold before me and I realized how indeed all things were working together for good. For good. Those bad times and hard falls bruised me but they did not break me. Yeah, a few left some scars but even in the scars there is hope. For when I look at them, I see healing. I see cancers of the soul that have been removed. I see traces of what once was but I see those things more clearly as well. Often we humans tend to put on rose-colored glasses when looking backwards but if we use our real bifocals, we tend to have a different and more accurate perspective.
So, what are some of the lessons I have learned, you might wonder? I can tell you one or two. The biggest, I guess, is the acceptance of the here and now. Have you ever heard that Yiddish proverb that “man plans and God laughs”? I have made many plans for so many things and if you ever visit me, you would see lists and notations of things I want to do, need to do, and maybe even some of things that I need to undo. They’re tucked in notebooks, stuck in my purse, jotted down on whatever piece of paper is handy at the time, and even on my computer as certain thoughts lead me to others so I quickly put them in a file for “one day.” As I considered them, though, I wondered to whom it would even matter if they were fulfilled. As much as I love my family, they have their own lives and I am now in the background, not front and center. I have accepted that my writings aren’t going to set the world on fire and the best I can hope for is that what I share via this blog will encourage some sometime and somewhere. Yes, I’d still like a career but then again, I see so many women my age who are just so tired. They are tired at the end of their days. Tired when they come to church. Tired when the weekend comes and...well, do I really want to go back to living in a fog when the air is so much clearer when I accept my position, my lot, in life?
Which leads to another thing I have become content with: possessions. Last October, I thought it was time for me to have a new car. Did I need one? Nope. Celine was just fine and I adored my Scion. However, the hopes of a larger vehicle led me to dream of...well, things that just didn’t happen. So, partly because Steve had just gotten a new work truck and it was the nicest vehicle we’d ever had, I somehow talked myself into thinking I deserved one too. I got a cute little Ford Escape (her name was Autumn) and she had lots of bells and whistles and for a short while, I was happy with her. Or so I thought. Until I couldn’t see to merge into traffic too well. Until I bought groceries and had to wrangle them out of the trunk (which by the way, the lift gate was so heavy that I considered opening it worthy of being labeled exercise). Until I realized that while driving around and talking on the phone via the bluetooth was pretty groovy--except for the fact that I was rarely using it.
I could go on and on but basically I began to not like Autumn. I wasn’t comfortable nor did I feel safe in her. She stayed in the garage more and more and I questioned the folly of purchasing her to begin with. After all, if I only needed a vehicle to go back and forth to church (which is less than a mile away) and to weekly grocery and/or trips to Walmart, why would Steve’s old 4-Runner not suffice? Besides, since I have lost over 35 pounds, she was much easier to get in and out of. Why not just keep Lily (the 4-Runner) and let Autumn find a new home?
Oh sure, at first I thought of trading her in and car shopped for a couple of days--days that showed me clearly how much I really did NOT need a new vehicle. The Lord used this experience to temper me, to teach me forbearance, and to show me that my pride had once again been an issue in my life. So, long story short, we sold Autumn. I claim Lily now as “mine” and I am content.
Content. What a nice word! What a nice place to be in. As I continue learning and growing in my walk with Christ, my prayer is that whatever state I am in, whatever circumstances arise, and whatever my needs are, my prayer is that I will be content in Christ. Not in possessions, nor in dreams, nor in labels. In Christ. In Christ alone. I’m not there yet but watch for me, friends. My arrival is at hand, I can just feel it! “A tranquil heart is life to the body” states Proverbs 14:30. May I rest in this promise is my hope!
Let’s pray!
Dear Lord, thank You! My heart is content with my place in this world right now. No, I am not completely satisfied and there is still so much I want to accomplish. However, Lord, with Your help and Your guidance, my wants are now starting to line up more with the plans You have for me. I am not striving against the pricks like I once did. Because of You and Your gentle lessons, I am learning to be content. Thank You! May the continued lessons show me to be a willing and approved student is my prayer, asked in the name of Jesus Christ my Lord and my Saviour. Amen!
