James 1:19

Okay, fellas, this one is for you!

Let every MAN be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath.

Now, some translations will change the word "man" into everyone but for today, let's keep it in its original text, shall we?

Men, by nature, are fixers. They want to solve the problem in as little time as possible so that they can go on to the important stuff (eating, grunting, scratching, holding that remote). I can start to talk about personal stuff and I see that glazed over look come into my husband's eyes. After nearly 30 years of marriage, I know the signs well. When I want to pour out my heart, I barely get a few words out when Mr. Fix-It starts in with his theories of how to change things. My heart just sighs.

I want him to listen to me. Listen. Not hear my words and impart his wisdom. Not butt in with the great advice on what he would do and how he would do it. Honey, I just want you to be quiet and hear me. Me. My thoughts. My worries. My speculations. My hopes and my fears. Just listen to me, man!

Slow to speak. Very slow so speak, sweetie. Again, this is my turn. It's me, talking to you, trusting you enough with my soul. Won't you please just take a few moments to really hear me?

And lastly, "slow to wrath." My husband is nearly perfect. I don't say this lightly. Ask anyone who knows him and they will tell you what a stand-up guy Steve is. With everyone else--and sometimes with me, though not as often as he used to--he has the patience of Job. He has the tenderness and compassion to make you believe he feels your pain. But, and again I attribute this to our nearly 30 years together, with me he sometimes forgets that he is not perfect and gets a little preachy. "Oh Stef! I would have never done ...blah blah blah." Or, "You did what?!" Maybe even the occasional "Well, if had been me, I would have..." Sigh.

Do you have a man that is this way too? Maybe we should write this verse out and put in his lunch box or affix to his mirror, toolbox, or remote control. Oh, I can see that last one now. Husband finds note pinned to remote and thinks to himself, "Great! I will be off the hook tonight! I'll just turn this volume up a smidge, nod every couple of moments, and maybe pat her on the head as I head to the 'fridge for another refreshment." Or, maybe we could do like I do: get him alone in the car, in the passenger seat, and take him for a little drive (or a long one if there is much on my heart). No escape for him there! Tell him, "Honey, I need you to just listen to me for a little while. Don't try to fix me. Don't tell me what to do or how to do it. Just hear me."

I've done this before and my success rate is quite good. Plus, it's hard for him to escape from a moving vehicle! It's also much easier than trying to have a conversation while I am in one room and he is in the other.

In conclusion, we all should be better listeners. We all should make the effort to hear our brothers and sisters (and wives!) and to be honored that they trust us enough to share their deepest thoughts with us. Lastly, let's keep our condemnations to ourselves. Yes, we would have done things differently but what good is that to brag on? Obviously the one sharing knows his/her mistake and doesn't need kicked while down. Let's just be still and listen and offer a hand up--and maybe a drive to the country. My car is gassed up. Who needs a ride?

Dear God,
Thank You for Your Words that offer so much wisdom. Please let Your men hear them today--and us gals too. Help us to love and be tenderhearted towards one another. Help us to be encouragers and to weep with those who weep, rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn, and to live with those we love in ways that reflect the love You show to us. This is my humble prayer. Amen.

 

 

I Corinthians 10:12

Wandering Through the Bible

August 12

Who was it that just recently wrote about not putting on the whole armor of God so that she would be better prepared for life's little darts? Oh yeah: it was me!!

Yesterday, it happened again. Sigh. Where oh where are my spiritual vitamins, my energy shots that so fill me with the Spirit that I am able to instantaneously ward off these unexpected little nothings that when, thrown together, create such a chaos in my heart?

I guess you could attribute it to a number of items. I am still recovering from my horrid summer cold that has left my defenses--both physical and mental--in a lessened state. Combine that with not taking a nap and deciding it would be a great idea to go out to eat at a nice restaurant with the family. Add one waiter who was a bit too friendly, a bit too touchy (I just cannot stand for another man other than my husband to touch me!!). Lastly, throw in a woman who made my third year of teaching absolute hell at times and voila! There you have it. A recipe for disaster.

Well, maybe that's a bit extreme. Maybe.

Seeing this woman--again--really set me off. Funny though: for some reason, God keeps putting her in my path. Oh no, not on a regular basis. But frequently. I doubt sincerely she has any clue as to the effect seeing her smarky face does to me. Occasionally on these "meetings" our eyes would meet and I'd see a faint glimmer of "Don't I know you from...?" See, that's how it is in Satan's wars: usually the ones who harm us the most have no clue, no indication of the turmoil they have thrown us into.

Recognizing this and dealing with it are two of my peeves at this time. I have forgiven this woman for the pain she caused me. Right? Didn't I? I mean, seriously, it was ten years ago and surely during that time of angst that I went through as I mourned the loss of teaching, surely somewhere in that time I forgave her. Right?

Sigh. Guess not, Stef. Otherwise the Good Lord wouldn't keep putting her in your sights every so often. For if you had dealt with it, why the tribulation upon seeing her? Why the need to get out of the same air that she breathes? She can't hurt you anymore. Unless you let her. Unless you allow those memories of her power trip with you as her kicking stone to permeate your mind and soul. How much longer are you going to do that, Stef? The only power she has over you is the power you give to her. And, didn't we already agree that she most likely doesn't have an inkling of an idea of what she did to you?

Okay, God: let's do it again. With purpose. I'm so tired of falling lately, especially when I am just minding my own business and trying to stay out of conflict's way. My defenses were down and I again need to remind myself to put on my proper attire each day, each time I step out of my little world, each time I am faced with life. Here goes.

Dear God,
I am sorry for the poor witness I was to my family yesterday when I saw this woman and made haste to leave the restaurant before she could see me. I must remember that she professes to be Your child and regardless of the demons she created in my soul, she has her own to deal with. I don't need to be one of them. I don't need to confront her with the fact that she made my life miserable all those years ago. What good would come from that? What good would come from me finally facing her instead of running each time I see her? You and I both know how my mouth gets me into so much trouble!
Help me, God, to forgive her. You put her in my path once again last night and I do not understand why but maybe it's to remind me that I get too haughty in my belief that I am able to stand without You. I didn't realize I was in my own strength rather than relying on Yours to get me through each step of my journey.
I release my hurts she caused me into Your hands, Father. I examine myself as well to see, to think of those harms I caused to Your children unknowingly. Help me to be a peacemaker, a peace sower. Help me to rely solely on You, minute by minute, as I meander my way through each day. Thank You for Your forgiveness, Your tolerance, and Your patience with me. Remind me as often as needed, Lord, that I can't even walk without You holding my hand--and tongue!
In Jesus' Name I pray. Amen.

 

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The Lion's Tamer

Around our house, The Lion’s Tamer has become a favorite activity for PawPaw and the grandsons. Basically it consists of PawPaw grabbing a kid up while he tries to run away, then PawPaw’s arms wrap around the child’s neck. This is followed by wrestling/tickling/and making crazy noises while the grandkid laughs and squeals mercilessly until one or the other is worn out. Yeah, usually it is ol’ Steve who needs to catch his breath.

We use this form of “discipline” to keep these boys straight. You know how little toddlers can get out of line! They need some roughhousing often to keep their energy spent and also to let go of some aggressions they might be harboring.

The Lion’s Tamer is most effective on Walker, since he can actually participate the most being that he is three-years-old. Connor is almost eighteen-months-old and mostly just loves being nestled in PawPaw’s arms and being tickled. Besides, how much pent-up aggression can a little kid that small have, right? I am so glad you asked!

The other night, Connor was tired. And cranky. Missing his afternoon nap didn’t help his temperament at all. After supper, he was one perturbed young fella. After a few little tantrums because he didn’t get his way, Daddy had had enough. It was clear that something drastic would have to be done so my son-in-love did what had been tried and proven before: he used his own version of The Lion’s Tamer on Connor. Off they went to the back bedroom, with Connor fully ensconced in Casey’s arms. Oh, the pitiful cries that came from that room! They were soon followed by angry cries as I am sure Connor tried unsuccessfully to get out of his daddy’s grip.

Louder and louder, and I felt my head pounding and wondered if they would ever stop. Wait! A brief moment of silence. Had little stubborn Connor finally realized he wasn’t going to win this battle? Yay! Maybe some of his determination to always have his way was losing to the authority of his daddy who really is supposed to be the one in charge. Speaking of Daddy, let me interject here to state that Casey is one patient man. He is not an arguer nor a man who rants and raves back. While holding his son(s) for this type of discipline, that's what he does: he holds them. He doesn't try to rationalize, nor does he preach to the kids. He holds them until the fight is gone, knowing that sometimes they just need to rage and get it all out before they can move forward. And in Daddy's strength, they realize they are safe. In Daddy's arms, they are secure.

So back to the Connor drama. Alas! The peace was not to be. Round two—or was it three, four, or five by now?-- continued. It was not a pretty time. Wanting to go in there but not daring to disrupt this time of discipline, I asked my daughter to at least go close the door so we all wouldn’t have to suffer the wrath of Connor’s anger. Several minutes later, it quieted down again. Dare we hope? Could the storm really be over? Sigh. A few more minutes and then, yes, the gentle squeak of the door opening and the soft footsteps as Daddy brought a smiling Connor back to us. Lovingly he placed him in PawPaw’s arms and the kid just sat there, looking at us all with the most peaceful, serene expression on his face! He smiled and we all told him we were glad to see him again. Well, Walker only briefly looked up from the book he was reading, but I could tell he was glad to have his sweet brother back with us versus the angry little monster who had disappeared only a half-hour ago.

I pondered on this a while, partly because it fascinated me and partly in a little fear that it wouldn’t last. But it did. I went over to Casey and Ashley and I told them, “You don’t know this yet or may not realize it but this little incident is a good reminder of how we act towards God. We pitch our fits, stomp our feet, cry and scream when we don’t get our ways. Finally, He has enough and just like Casey did, He puts The Lion’s Tamer on us and eventually we stop struggling.” I went on to say, “Look how peaceful Connor is. Daddy indeed knew best and now his little fit is over.” How much easier it is to give in to him rather than to fight.

The Lion’s Tamer. The Lion of Judah calms us when we are uncontrollable. He holds us until the fight leaves us. He soothes us and whispers in our ears that He will win. He tames us. He loves us. And when we stop fighting Him, we too can have peace.