James 1:19

Okay, fellas, this one is for you!

Let every MAN be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath.

Now, some translations will change the word "man" into everyone but for today, let's keep it in its original text, shall we?

Men, by nature, are fixers. They want to solve the problem in as little time as possible so that they can go on to the important stuff (eating, grunting, scratching, holding that remote). I can start to talk about personal stuff and I see that glazed over look come into my husband's eyes. After nearly 30 years of marriage, I know the signs well. When I want to pour out my heart, I barely get a few words out when Mr. Fix-It starts in with his theories of how to change things. My heart just sighs.

I want him to listen to me. Listen. Not hear my words and impart his wisdom. Not butt in with the great advice on what he would do and how he would do it. Honey, I just want you to be quiet and hear me. Me. My thoughts. My worries. My speculations. My hopes and my fears. Just listen to me, man!

Slow to speak. Very slow so speak, sweetie. Again, this is my turn. It's me, talking to you, trusting you enough with my soul. Won't you please just take a few moments to really hear me?

And lastly, "slow to wrath." My husband is nearly perfect. I don't say this lightly. Ask anyone who knows him and they will tell you what a stand-up guy Steve is. With everyone else--and sometimes with me, though not as often as he used to--he has the patience of Job. He has the tenderness and compassion to make you believe he feels your pain. But, and again I attribute this to our nearly 30 years together, with me he sometimes forgets that he is not perfect and gets a little preachy. "Oh Stef! I would have never done ...blah blah blah." Or, "You did what?!" Maybe even the occasional "Well, if had been me, I would have..." Sigh.

Do you have a man that is this way too? Maybe we should write this verse out and put in his lunch box or affix to his mirror, toolbox, or remote control. Oh, I can see that last one now. Husband finds note pinned to remote and thinks to himself, "Great! I will be off the hook tonight! I'll just turn this volume up a smidge, nod every couple of moments, and maybe pat her on the head as I head to the 'fridge for another refreshment." Or, maybe we could do like I do: get him alone in the car, in the passenger seat, and take him for a little drive (or a long one if there is much on my heart). No escape for him there! Tell him, "Honey, I need you to just listen to me for a little while. Don't try to fix me. Don't tell me what to do or how to do it. Just hear me."

I've done this before and my success rate is quite good. Plus, it's hard for him to escape from a moving vehicle! It's also much easier than trying to have a conversation while I am in one room and he is in the other.

In conclusion, we all should be better listeners. We all should make the effort to hear our brothers and sisters (and wives!) and to be honored that they trust us enough to share their deepest thoughts with us. Lastly, let's keep our condemnations to ourselves. Yes, we would have done things differently but what good is that to brag on? Obviously the one sharing knows his/her mistake and doesn't need kicked while down. Let's just be still and listen and offer a hand up--and maybe a drive to the country. My car is gassed up. Who needs a ride?

Dear God,
Thank You for Your Words that offer so much wisdom. Please let Your men hear them today--and us gals too. Help us to love and be tenderhearted towards one another. Help us to be encouragers and to weep with those who weep, rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn, and to live with those we love in ways that reflect the love You show to us. This is my humble prayer. Amen.