What makes us love someone? What is it about one that we would give up our selves for? What characteristics are we seeing that few others do? Though they betray us, use and abuse us, take advantage of us, and hurt us to no end, when they throw a crumb our way, we devour it as though our very lives depend upon that morsel. And then, we get introduced to Jesus, the very One Who really showed us what love is and what love can be. For many, this revelation is too much to bear and yet something won't be denied about it and they are drawn to Him, basing their lives around Him, and doing all they can to please this One Who is so worthy. But for others, for those who don't know or understand compassion, who don't know that love doesn't have to hurt, or that love heals the wounds left by the ones we foolishly gave ourselves to, such love is hard to understand and even if we did, we feel we aren't worthy. No one has ever put us first nor given so freely on our behalves.
I've been cheated
Been mistreated
When will I be loved?
I've been put down
I've been pushed 'round
When will I be loved?
Ever felt this way, friends? Ever felt no one gave a rip about you and that all you do is give give give and all others do is take take take? Not a great feeling, is it? But what about that other feeling you get sometimes? Some would call it jealousy and while it definitely involves envy I think there is much more to it, more of a longing to be so cared for that someone would do anything--and I do mean anything--to have you in his life?
In Sunday School, we have been going through the book of Genesis and are up to the part of Abraham and Lot. Remember him--Lot, I mean? He was the guy who was Abraham's nephew, the one who took advantage of his uncle's kindnesses and chose the best land for himself when their cattle needed to have more room. He was also the guy who began to pull away from his righteous uncle and set his sights on Sodom, and eventually moved there. He was held captive and his uncle risked many men to save him and what did Lot do to show his gratitude? Kept living in this wicked city that he'd been saved from and wound up nearly throwing his pure virginal daughters to its depraved men in order to keep his home safe.
Through it all, Abraham had his eye on Lot and his heart was spent in much prayer for this wayward nephew. At this time, Abraham didn't have any children so maybe that's why he devoted himself so his brother's son. I remember doing that--focusing my heart and all the love in it for my sister's first born. Oh, how I loved that child and would do anything for her! I stayed up nights taking care of her when she'd cry. I spent my free time babysitting her when I could have been out in the world having my own fun. I hurt when she hurt and when she moved away for a time, I was devastated, feeling as though part of me was missing. Then, when my Steve and I married and waited for the arrival of our own bundle of joy, this niece of ours was...not a substitute by any means! But she was our fun. She completed our little circle and went everywhere with us her mom would allow. Through the years, we loved and lived much of our lives around her. I guess you'd say she was our first love and we cherished her like none other that we'd ever been exposed to before. We would have done anything for that child.
As I pondered yesterday why Lot would have so much love for this nephew, I couldn't help but think of another's love. For me. For you. For the lost sheep in His pasture. His first love. The one He'd do anything for--including becoming a human That would suffer the utmost shame and humiliation, Who would give up His home in glory so that we might one day live there with Him, Who would be mocked, scorned, beaten, and denied just so I could be His bride.
My sister (not the same one who provided me with my first niece) once loved this guy. He was her world. She gave up her family, her home, her pride, her body, her sanity for him. Time and time again he threw it in her face--or her sides where he'd kick her. Or in her belly when she was carrying his second child. He'd steal from her, wreck her cars that she worked so hard to obtain, leave her, come back to her, beat her again, and the vicious dysfunctional cycle just kept spinning round and around until one day she finally came to her senses. But her love for him was so deep, so embedded in her, that it took many days for the realization to hit home (pardon the pun) and she saw that this love was not healthy, was not right, nor was it what she and her daughters needed nor deserved.
Sigh.
Friends, sisters and brothers in Christ, we have got to show this world real love, love like the Father has for His children. Love that knows no bounds but in the right way, not in the way that causes shame, leaves scars, nor wounds us beyond repair. We cannot show favoritism and choose one over another. After all, consider yourselves. Somebody saw something pretty special about you, now didn't He? Jesus Christ chose you--you!! Wonder of wonders, He also chose me and as such, this generous, undeserved gift must be shared. I can't repay it but I can definitely tell others my story of His amazing grace and unending love.
Throughout my life the devil has stolen much from me and had me believing I'd never find love, never have someone choose me first or even want me on their team. Even when God sent me Steve all those years ago, I still had a nagging in my heart that one day he'd leave; that one day even his sweet supply of love, forgiveness, and acceptance would run dry. Those lies caused mistrust and kept us from a closerness (yeah, I made up another new word) to God and to one another because of the doubt that I allowed to fill my soul. While I did that, it was slowly and steadily being replaced by Christ's love for me and though my earthly eyes often fail me and my hearing doesn't always allow me to get it the first time, my spiritual eyes are being opened and my heavenly ears are tuned to another's voice, one that doesn't lie or whisper that I'm not good enough. Through the blood of Jesus, I am righteous and one day I shall see Him, be enveloped in His arms, and behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed upon me. Will I see you there too?
Let's pray!
Thank You, Father God, for such a love. I cannot fathom it, cannot explain it, and cannot have it taken from me. My election is sure and I am so thankful, Lord, that You saw something in me worth saving. May I honor You with the sacrifices made for me with my life is my prayer today. In the sweet name of Jesus I pray it, amen.
I close my journal and place it back in my beach bag. I stretch my hand over and feel it encompassed by Steve and am lastly reminded that God too holds me with His hand. I sigh, close my eyes, and rest.
