A Lighter Shade of Pale

When do you see Jesus?  How far do you have to look to see Him at work?  What is His job anyways and how can you even be sure He exists?  If you cannot answer these questions, read on, and perhaps what I share next with you will help.

As usual, my husband called to check on me at lunch.  He's done this for years, as well as when he's made it to work to let me know he's there safely.  He's even been known to send me Hangouts messages throughout the day when he has one of those rare moments of peace and lets me know he is using it to think about me.  When he comes home to me at the end of the day--regardless of who else may be there, pressing for his attention--he makes his way over to greet me with a sweet kiss, a murmured "Hey Granny," and a hug.

So, what was different about today's call?  Not much.  He's always nice, wondering how my day's been, what I've been up to, and (because he knows I need it so much) asks about my writing for the day.  Lately, I've not been feeling so great.  It's not that I've been feeling bad, it's just...I've been so tired.  For years, I've not slept well and often take advantage of a morning and sometimes an afternoon nap but for the past month or so, it's been more.  I've been going back to bed for hours (up to three!) before being functional and quasi-ready to tackle the day.  But enough about me--well, sort of.  It is my blog and my story, after all.  Instead of fussing at me, wondering if I am ever going to turn back into a normal housewife (as if!), and harping on me about all I am not, instead my wonderful husband says to me (when I have apologized for not being as hip and with it as I used to be) that...that it's okay.  He understands.  I don't have to make excuses for myself because he is making them for me.  He knows I've not slept well for years.  He knows about my aches and pains that disrupt a good night's sleep.  He knows all too well about the rabid thoughts that have my mind wandering all night, and how I am chasing them around, and fighting the demons that threaten to jump out at me.  He consoles me about my health, my lack of luster, and my overall sense of blah that has permeated my soul since the death of my mother.  He keeps on loving me, encouraging me, building me up, and being my rock.

Hmn.  Kind of reminds me of Someone...oh, what's His name?  Ahh yes.  Jesus.  Jesus Christ, the Lover of my soul.  Jesus Christ, the One Who was preached about last night as being the One Who knows me.  Me.  My thoughts.  My heart.  My intentions.  My fears.  My hopes.  My failures and my wants to do better.  The One Who was mentioned mightily in the story of Martha and Mary in yesterday's morning sermon, Who gently reminded Martha to not miss out on the better part in her busyness of doing all of the right things.  Jesus.  The One Who invites us to sit at His feet and let the cares of the world go by.

So, in conclusion, I again ask you:  when was the last time you saw Jesus?  Hopefully you have some Steves in your lives to get a glimpse of Him.  How far did you have to look to see Him at work?  Not too far, I imagine, as you catch His glory all around creation.  What's His job anyways and how can you even be sure He exists?  Oh, beloved, He does more than exist!  Can't you see it, feel it, taste it?  All of that love and goodness He supplies you with--that's His job.  To make you more like Him and since He is love, you are becoming more loving in response.

I know we can't all have our very own Steves, our personal cheerleaders, and best friend by our side to give us what we need, when we need it, and when we don't.  But, my friends, we have something better:  we have Jesus Himself.  Let Him abide in you.  Let Him bear your burdens and not criticize you when you feel poorly and less than.  Sit at His feet today.  Hear His praises as you bask in His light.  Read His Words and let them wash over you as you realize and contemplate that in a world where so many are only out to tear down, He is only out to build you up, to welcome you to His kingdom, and to love you--even when you don't have much to offer in return.  I should know!

Let's pray!

Ahh Lord, where to begin to thank You?  Yes, surely, for my husband whom You have shared with me and use to prove that in spite of how lowly I am, Your love doesn't kick one when she's down but instead offers an encouraging word and a hand to uplift her from the pit.  

Lord, You are so good to me.  I glance out my window and see the tree gently swaying, the dogs frolicking around, and the tremendous blue sky, reminding me that Your creation was meant to delight me--and it does!

I also hear the clock ticking, quietly but firmly, reminding me that one day, one day You are coming back.  I can't wait to see You!  To look upon Your face is where I will see that the beauty I've been privy to compares to what I will see when I behold You, Lord God Almighty!  These old knees that can barely get down on the floor will be perfected as they bow before You in worship.  This voice that screeches will sound more like those You are accustomed to that sing Your praises and Your worth in that angelic choir.  And this mind that is so befuddled will be cleared as I see and realize beyond any earthly comprehension that I think I have now just how magnificent You truly are.

Come soon, Lord?  I'm waiting!  

Love,

Your Wandering Child

Stefan

If you know me at all then you know that there is a song that runs through my mind for nearly every occasion.  This morning is no exception!  As we consider verses 4-7 of John 5, the song pictured is the one that popped into my head.  "Bridge Over Troubled Waters" also has been going through my head but for today, let's use Squire Parson's melody "He Came To Me" to plant the seed of our hopeless and helpless state without Christ coming to us. 

Speaking of our verses, let's review them now.

For an angel went down at a certain season into the pool, and troubled the water: whosoever then first after the troubling of the water stepped in was made whole of whatsoever disease he had.

And a certain man was there, which had an infirmity thirty and eight years.

When Jesus saw him lie, and knew that he had been now a long time in that case, he saith unto him, Wilt thou be made whole?

The impotent man answered him, Sir, I have no man, when the water is troubled, to put me into the pool: but while I am coming, another steppeth down before me.

This man--and since we are going to be speaking of him so often, don't you think we should give him a name?  No, I'm not trying to rewrite the Bible but it's just a bit easier to call him Fred or Larry instead of the Impotent Man.  Hmn.  I know!  We could refer to him as Stefan.  Stefan.  Sounds exotic, don't you think, and also keeps him on track with reminding me of how very much he and I are alike. 

So, Stefan is literally on the ground.  Has been there for 38 years.  His only hope (or so he thinks) of getting better is to have a man--someone...anyone--put him into the healing waters of the Bethesda Pool.  Unfortunately, like poor ol' Ricky Bobby believed from the tales he heard growing up, if you aren't first, you're last.  If you aren't first, then too bad, so sad.  If you aren't first, then...Well, you stay in this condition until the next season when the angel comes to stir the waters again.

I wonder how hard he tried?  I wonder how much effort Stefan put into getting himself ready for that season when the angel would come.  Season.  Hmn.  Makes me ponder:  was it a specific time each year, such as when winter, spring, summer, and fall occur?  Was there advance notice that the angel would arrive on such and such date or...Or did one just have to chance it, to be ready in and out of season?  Did Stefan just lie there and hope to get a jump on the competition, counting on some "miracle" to help him out, or did he prepare for the spontaneity  of the angel's arrival?

"I have no man."  

Sounds to me like Stefan counted on the kindness of strangers to get him out of his bind and into the bountiful.  Sounds like he had no friends, for his words of  having "no man" lead me to believe there wasn't anyone close to him to help him out.  After 38 years of being in the same condition, in the same area surrounded by other hapless folks, and after countless times of frustration did he not share his angst with anyone?!

Maybe he did at first.  Maybe he commiserated with the others who had their own infirmities.  Maybe when he tried to tell someone what had led to him being in this condition, maybe they listened the first few times but then wanted to be heard more than they wanted to hear of another's woes.  Perhaps they themselves had been there longer than Stefan and tended to feel that they had it worse than he did.  Maybe Stefan was a whiner who only wanted attention but didn't really want their advice on how to position himself closer to the pool.  I mean really, this spot over here was so much more comfortable and had a prettier view.  He could watch the newbies arrive and keep an eye out for the latest happenings.   Besides, why bother getting close to anyone?  They only expected things from you and wanted to change you, to better you to suit their needs.  Right?  No one really cares about me, Stefan must have thought, otherwise surely I would be healed by now.

Have other people let you down, friends?  Have you ever had a problem or condition that required extra attention that at first these "friends" were glad to provide but soon tired of the time and energy it took into taking care of your needs when their own were so much more personal?  You became bothersome, an annoyance, and soon, you became an afterthought.  An "Oh yeah, whatever happened to Stefan" sort of soul.  When it came out that you were still poor and needy, they quickly wrote you off.  Again.  Out of sight; out of mind.  For years.  Decades.  More than half of your life.

Sigh.

Oh my sweet ones, how I feel your ache and empathize with your plight!  That feeling that no one--NO ONE--cares.  That realization that you are once and for all totally helpless, friendless, and hopeless is one I have been in and if truth be told, often still feel like I am in.  When the chips are down and I am in the pit with them, where is my "man," my buddy, my life-long friend who said she'd always be there for me yet when I call out to her, I get voice mail or unanswered texts?  Where is my "man" who said "for better or for worse" and went and found  the better and left me behind?  Where is my "man" who brought me into this world and then discarded me to suit his own selfish desires?  And what about those church folks who claim to be so much like Jesus?  Where are they when I need a hand out--I mean a hand up?  

He came to me.  Jesus came to me.  Just as He came to Stefan, He came to me and brought me out and through the gulf that separated me from Him.  Did it take Him 38 years to do so?  Did He not notice how badly I needed some help?  Did He not see me lying in my state for all of these years?  I mean, the Israelites wandered for 40 years.  The woman with the issue of blood suffered for 12 years, and the woman with a disabled spirit was bent over for 18 years.  He finally healed them but...what took Him so long?  Why did Jesus not heal immediately?

I don't know.  I don't know why folks are born with diseases and disabilities or why some are afflicted later in life with handicaps.  I don't know why so many hurt and if the condition is a result of sin or if it was created so that Jesus might be glorified, as in the story of the blind man from birth who was granted his sight.  What I do know is that Jesus came to me.  More than once.  Sometimes He came but I didn't acknowledge His presence.  I was happier (or so I told myself) being miserable rather than trusting once again in someone who might let me down as so many before had.  

Okay, I know this has been a longer blog than you probably had hoped for.  So, I'll close for now.  There is still so much more to say though that I hope you will come back next time to see what incredibleness lies in our Saviour that He would take His time to come to us.  And if for some reason you don't know Jesus as Lord, I invite you to send me a note so I can tell you more about that and how to have Him lead your life.  

Let's pray!

Dear Lord, first off, thanks for coming to me.  I don't know if You didn't come sooner because I was still so Stef-involved and hard-headed and coldhearted that there wasn't room.  I don't know if perhaps You were there all along and I just refused to look up because the view from the bottom was so great (ahem).  I don't know when You came to me and I finally realized that without You there was just no chance at all for healing, for wholeness.  But You came.  You came to me.  Me!  

Thank You.  

You were there all along, weren't You, God?  Thank You for lifting my eyes, my soul, and my spirit.  Help us all today to remember that even when we don't feel You or see You, You are there.  You are here.  You came to us and You aren't going to leave us alone.  What wondrous love!  I accept You and love You in return, Father.  Amen.

Wilt thou be made whole?

I've chosen for my life verses for 2016 two parts of a passage from John 5.  They've been on my mind for a long time and if you know anything about me, being on my mind can be quite the adventure!  One thought leads to another that takes me down a different road where I wonder about this and then ponder about that.  As I told Steve yesterday when we wrapped up the morning's lesson on The Armor of God study we are doing and he had commented on how well he had enjoyed that lesson but wasn't sure that I had since I was so distracted by these life verses, I told him "I don't have a one-track mind.  I have a whole playlist going on in there!"  

Can you relate to me?  No matter how good your intentions, no matter how strong you purpose to do something, you find your mind on too many different tangents and you just wander about, hoping that eventually it will all come together and some sense can be made?  Yesterday, I woke up early, so excited to begin this journey but decided I'd do some pre-writing first.  After all, I used to tell my students to do this so that their essays would be more fluent.  Focus on three points, I'd tell them, and keep it to the point with just enough details to show a good understanding of what they were writing about.  If you are a faithful reader of mine, you know I can tend to ramble about on occasion so part of my plans for this year are to be more succinct.  We'll see how that turns out!  

John writes of a meeting of an impotent man and Jesus in chapter five of the Bible.  I will be referring to it for a while now so let's go ahead and read that passage now, shall we?

After this there was a feast of the Jews; and Jesus went up to Jerusalem.

2 Now there is at Jerusalem by the sheep market a pool, which is called in the Hebrew tongue Bethesda, having five porches.

3 In these lay a great multitude of impotent folk, of blind, halt, withered, waiting for the moving of the water.

4 For an angel went down at a certain season into the pool, and troubled the water: whosoever then first after the troubling of the water stepped in was made whole of whatsoever disease he had.

5 And a certain man was there, which had an infirmity thirty and eight years.

6 When Jesus saw him lie, and knew that he had been now a long time in that case, He saith unto him, Wilt thou be made whole?

7 The impotent man answered him, Sir, I have no man, when the water is troubled, to put me into the pool: but while I am coming, another steppeth down before me.

8 Jesus saith unto him, Rise, take up thy bed, and walk.

9 And immediately the man was made whole, and took up his bed, and walked: and on the same day was the sabbath.

10 The Jews therefore said unto him that was cured, It is the sabbath day: it is not lawful for thee to carry thy bed.

11 He answered them, He that made me whole, the same said unto me, Take up thy bed, and walk.

12 Then asked they him, What man is that which said unto thee, Take up thy bed, and walk?

13 And he that was healed wist not who it was: for Jesus had conveyed Himself away, a multitude being in that place.

14 Afterward Jesus findeth him in the temple, and said unto him, Behold, thou art made whole: sin no more, lest a worse thing come unto thee.

15 The man departed, and told the Jews that it was Jesus, which had made him whole.

16 And therefore did the Jews persecute Jesus, and sought to slay Him, because He had done these things on the sabbath day.

Quite a passage huh? There is so much to be gleaned from this and I hope I can do it justice!

As mentioned, I have two portions of this to claim as my life verses for this year. The first is the question itself: Wilt thou be made whole? The second is the response: Sir, I have no man...

Friends, are you like me and tired of not being all you were meant to be? Are you finally ready to stop making excuses and get on with the abundant life that Christ Jesus Himself has promised you? If so, I invite you again to wander with me on this journey of scripture and get real, get answers, and get better. Whole. Let's not be afraid to touch the hem of His garment and allow Jesus to press through our madness. Yeah, that is from another story but as mentioned, in my head there are so many thoughts going on in there and after all, doesn't all scripture work together for good?

Let's pray!

Dear God, I am so excited about this opportunity to delve into Your Word! I just know I am going to be the better for it.

Father, as others perhaps join me on this venture, I ask You to come to us just as You did to the impotent man. He lie in his condition for thirty-eight years. Thirty-eight years, Lord! Some of us have been in our messes for a long period of time as well and Lord? We too are tired of the excuses. Tired of being looked over and brushed aside as the world jumps ahead of us and tries to steal what is rightfully ours. Make us whole is my prayer, Lord God. Be our Man!

In the name of Jesus I pray this. Amen.