A Lighter Shade of Pale

When do you see Jesus?  How far do you have to look to see Him at work?  What is His job anyways and how can you even be sure He exists?  If you cannot answer these questions, read on, and perhaps what I share next with you will help.

As usual, my husband called to check on me at lunch.  He's done this for years, as well as when he's made it to work to let me know he's there safely.  He's even been known to send me Hangouts messages throughout the day when he has one of those rare moments of peace and lets me know he is using it to think about me.  When he comes home to me at the end of the day--regardless of who else may be there, pressing for his attention--he makes his way over to greet me with a sweet kiss, a murmured "Hey Granny," and a hug.

So, what was different about today's call?  Not much.  He's always nice, wondering how my day's been, what I've been up to, and (because he knows I need it so much) asks about my writing for the day.  Lately, I've not been feeling so great.  It's not that I've been feeling bad, it's just...I've been so tired.  For years, I've not slept well and often take advantage of a morning and sometimes an afternoon nap but for the past month or so, it's been more.  I've been going back to bed for hours (up to three!) before being functional and quasi-ready to tackle the day.  But enough about me--well, sort of.  It is my blog and my story, after all.  Instead of fussing at me, wondering if I am ever going to turn back into a normal housewife (as if!), and harping on me about all I am not, instead my wonderful husband says to me (when I have apologized for not being as hip and with it as I used to be) that...that it's okay.  He understands.  I don't have to make excuses for myself because he is making them for me.  He knows I've not slept well for years.  He knows about my aches and pains that disrupt a good night's sleep.  He knows all too well about the rabid thoughts that have my mind wandering all night, and how I am chasing them around, and fighting the demons that threaten to jump out at me.  He consoles me about my health, my lack of luster, and my overall sense of blah that has permeated my soul since the death of my mother.  He keeps on loving me, encouraging me, building me up, and being my rock.

Hmn.  Kind of reminds me of Someone...oh, what's His name?  Ahh yes.  Jesus.  Jesus Christ, the Lover of my soul.  Jesus Christ, the One Who was preached about last night as being the One Who knows me.  Me.  My thoughts.  My heart.  My intentions.  My fears.  My hopes.  My failures and my wants to do better.  The One Who was mentioned mightily in the story of Martha and Mary in yesterday's morning sermon, Who gently reminded Martha to not miss out on the better part in her busyness of doing all of the right things.  Jesus.  The One Who invites us to sit at His feet and let the cares of the world go by.

So, in conclusion, I again ask you:  when was the last time you saw Jesus?  Hopefully you have some Steves in your lives to get a glimpse of Him.  How far did you have to look to see Him at work?  Not too far, I imagine, as you catch His glory all around creation.  What's His job anyways and how can you even be sure He exists?  Oh, beloved, He does more than exist!  Can't you see it, feel it, taste it?  All of that love and goodness He supplies you with--that's His job.  To make you more like Him and since He is love, you are becoming more loving in response.

I know we can't all have our very own Steves, our personal cheerleaders, and best friend by our side to give us what we need, when we need it, and when we don't.  But, my friends, we have something better:  we have Jesus Himself.  Let Him abide in you.  Let Him bear your burdens and not criticize you when you feel poorly and less than.  Sit at His feet today.  Hear His praises as you bask in His light.  Read His Words and let them wash over you as you realize and contemplate that in a world where so many are only out to tear down, He is only out to build you up, to welcome you to His kingdom, and to love you--even when you don't have much to offer in return.  I should know!

Let's pray!

Ahh Lord, where to begin to thank You?  Yes, surely, for my husband whom You have shared with me and use to prove that in spite of how lowly I am, Your love doesn't kick one when she's down but instead offers an encouraging word and a hand to uplift her from the pit.  

Lord, You are so good to me.  I glance out my window and see the tree gently swaying, the dogs frolicking around, and the tremendous blue sky, reminding me that Your creation was meant to delight me--and it does!

I also hear the clock ticking, quietly but firmly, reminding me that one day, one day You are coming back.  I can't wait to see You!  To look upon Your face is where I will see that the beauty I've been privy to compares to what I will see when I behold You, Lord God Almighty!  These old knees that can barely get down on the floor will be perfected as they bow before You in worship.  This voice that screeches will sound more like those You are accustomed to that sing Your praises and Your worth in that angelic choir.  And this mind that is so befuddled will be cleared as I see and realize beyond any earthly comprehension that I think I have now just how magnificent You truly are.

Come soon, Lord?  I'm waiting!  

Love,

Your Wandering Child

Happy birthday to me!

June 18, 2015

Tomorrow is Wandering Through The Bible's second birthday.  Can you believe it?  For two whole years I have been sharing and baring my heart and soul with you as I have sought to have a closer relationship with my Father God and my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.  

Oh the words I have written--and deleted--as my thoughts have wandered to and fro!  Topics have included things such as mothers, daughters, husbands, friends, fellowship, failures, guarding the tongue and captivating the thoughts.  Inspiration has come from my hubby, my grandsons, Walmart, dogs, nature, the internet, and messages heard on the radio, in chat rooms, and in church. 

It's been quite a journey.  What started out as a way for a friend and I to continue our morning Bible Study evolved into lessons on how to study the Bible, how to learn that no matter how rotten one thinks she is, there is still One Who redeems and restores.  Sadly, there were times when I'd use this blog as a platform for whatever social incident offended me at the time but even in those incidences, God showed me His grace.  The blog has also been a great way to meet new people.  Prayers have been shared as mutual angst was empathized over.  Encouragement has been sent to those who just need a little pick-me-up.  Posts were frequently shared as a topic hit home to hurting hearts.

All in all, it's been quite the journey.  I am thankful for the opportunity to reach those via Facebook that I may never see this side of heaven.  I am grateful for the support of many of you who comment on my page and/or send me notes to encourage.  Mostly though, I am afraid.  I am afraid that this huge responsibility will be overshadowed by my opinions and thoughts rather than being led by those of our Lord.  Yes, some would argue, it's "my blog" and I should be able to write whatever I please.  But this is not so, friends.  

The power to use my talent of expressing what others are also thinking into sentences and paragraphs is one that I do not take lightly.  I used to but I have come quite a ways since June 19, 2013.  Losing my mother and the after-effects of the greatest betrayal I'd ever faced was...it was wrenching.  There was much anger, hurt, and so many mixed emotions going on, not to mention all of the lies and whispers of the devil.  For a while there, I was quite a mess but through this blog and the wondrous grace of God, I was able to work through my grief and loss and see the bigger picture.  God's good that way, isn't He? He allows His children time to mourn and to heal and then, finally, to grow.  To go on.  To see that what happens down here is temporary--even though at times it feels like the pain will never stop.

Writing has been therapeutic for me and I thank God that He has allowed me to share my hurts and achievements with you, dear readers.  As the next year of blogging begins tomorrow, my hope is that I will continue to inspire, motivate, and encourage you all through my struggles and lessons learned so that you too can heal.  You too can let it go (whatever your "it" may be).  My prayer is that you hold on tighter to Jesus than ever before and that you know--you know--He's got you and He's not letting go.  Let's pray together now, shall we?

Oh dear Father, what a joy it has been to write my heart for all the world to see.  Scary, yes.  The risk of ridicule, the fear of no one caring, the taunts of Satan that I was just making a fool out of myself?  All of those emotions ran the gamut of my thoughts, Lord, as I endeavoured to share my soul in hopes of helping someone else through her darknesses.

Lord, as the next year begins, my prayer is that others too will find release and relief in words.  Not just mine (although I hope my readers will multiply and my territory expand).  No, Lord, my real hope is that through Your Word, through Your teachers, through Your singers, and through Your people that more eyes turn to Christ than ever before.  How we need Him, Father!  This world is so crushing at times that it's all some of us can do to take the next breath, to put that one foot in front of the other and keep walking.  And for some, Lord, it's harder still to just stand up and...stand.

Help us, I pray, Lord God, to seek You first in our days.  Remind us with Your songs and with the quotes we see plastered all over Facebook that no matter how rocky the road, You are walking right there beside of us, already knowing what lies ahead.

Finally, Lord, thank You.  You have been so longsuffering with me as I have tried to make sense out of things that just didn't always add up.  You have been gentle with me when I have been petulant.   You have tenderly held me when it seemed no one else cared.  You have been, You are still, so good to me.  Thank You for loving me when others didn't.  Thank You for loving me in spite of myself.  Thank You for being You.  I love You, Lord.  In the name of Jesus I conclude.  Amen.