Day Twenty

Day Twenty

Good afternoon!  It's the first day of summer and already I feel like it's been a long one.  How about you?  Does it seem like it should be closer to 4:00 pm than 1:00 pm?  Yeah, I think so too.

Wonder what it is about time that makes it either go so slowly or too quickly?  I guess that depends upon our attitudes toward upcoming events.  For instance, when it's time to go home, to play, to be with our special ones, the time can't get here soon enough, right?  But when homework, housework, duties, drudgeries, and the like are to be done the time seems to inch by second by long second.

Today's verses are from Micah 7:18-19.  Read them with me?  Thanks!  

Who is a God like you, pardoning iniquity    and passing over transgression    for the remnant of His inheritance?He does not retain His anger forever,    because He delights in steadfast love.He will again have compassion on us;    He will tread our iniquities underfoot.You will cast all our sins    into the depths of the sea.

Did you notice how Micah begins talking about God to talking to Him?  Sometimes I'm like that; I'll use offhanded remarks when speaking of the Lord and then realize, hey:  He's actually here, beside of me, listening to what I say and what I wish I'd said.  I go from thinking about what He could do versus what He's really doing right now, this moment, as well as what He will do in the future--such as casting my sins in the depths of the sea.  Pretty groovy, huh?

Timing is everything.  From remembering the past glories of God to the future promises He made for us, His timing is always perfect.  He won't stay mad forever (and yes, friends, He does get angry).  He delights in love, compassion abounds in Him towards us, and those sins, trespasses, iniquities or whatever label we want to put on the things we do wrong?  Those too will be trampled under His feet!  They haven't been yet, for we keep on giving Him things to stomp out.  But one day, one time soon, He will come and get us, redeem us to perfection, and take us home.  I don't know when that time will be, but I'm impatient for it.  Hope you are too!

Let's pray!

Ahh, Lord, the singers of the group Chicago once asked "Does anybody really know what time it is?"  Styx sang of it being "The Best of Times" while Cyndi Lauper crooned about "Time After Time."  Green Day wished for us to have "The time of our lives"  while Michael Bolton crooned of "Time, Love, and Tenderness."  And of course, Lord, good ol' Bing Crosby sings of "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" as he leads us into the Christmas season.  And there's the The Alan Parsons Project that wistfully sing of time flowing like a river, to the sea.  

Father (why did my fingers want to type "Father Time" ??), none of us knows when that "Shouting Time" that The Hoppers sang of will arrive; none but You, that is.  So many of us are waiting, watching, and wondering Lord how much longer that will be.  Grant to us patience, I ask, and help us to make the most of each moment You give to us and then, in due season, come and get us.  We want to see You, Lord God.  We want to revel in Your love and promises as they come to fruition and we see what You have prepared for us, sure, but mostly Father, we want to see You. We want to know so many things that there just isn't time to glean down here on earth but that will be answered once we reach the other side of eternity.

Come quickly, Lord?  May it be so!

A Lighter Shade of Pale

When do you see Jesus?  How far do you have to look to see Him at work?  What is His job anyways and how can you even be sure He exists?  If you cannot answer these questions, read on, and perhaps what I share next with you will help.

As usual, my husband called to check on me at lunch.  He's done this for years, as well as when he's made it to work to let me know he's there safely.  He's even been known to send me Hangouts messages throughout the day when he has one of those rare moments of peace and lets me know he is using it to think about me.  When he comes home to me at the end of the day--regardless of who else may be there, pressing for his attention--he makes his way over to greet me with a sweet kiss, a murmured "Hey Granny," and a hug.

So, what was different about today's call?  Not much.  He's always nice, wondering how my day's been, what I've been up to, and (because he knows I need it so much) asks about my writing for the day.  Lately, I've not been feeling so great.  It's not that I've been feeling bad, it's just...I've been so tired.  For years, I've not slept well and often take advantage of a morning and sometimes an afternoon nap but for the past month or so, it's been more.  I've been going back to bed for hours (up to three!) before being functional and quasi-ready to tackle the day.  But enough about me--well, sort of.  It is my blog and my story, after all.  Instead of fussing at me, wondering if I am ever going to turn back into a normal housewife (as if!), and harping on me about all I am not, instead my wonderful husband says to me (when I have apologized for not being as hip and with it as I used to be) that...that it's okay.  He understands.  I don't have to make excuses for myself because he is making them for me.  He knows I've not slept well for years.  He knows about my aches and pains that disrupt a good night's sleep.  He knows all too well about the rabid thoughts that have my mind wandering all night, and how I am chasing them around, and fighting the demons that threaten to jump out at me.  He consoles me about my health, my lack of luster, and my overall sense of blah that has permeated my soul since the death of my mother.  He keeps on loving me, encouraging me, building me up, and being my rock.

Hmn.  Kind of reminds me of Someone...oh, what's His name?  Ahh yes.  Jesus.  Jesus Christ, the Lover of my soul.  Jesus Christ, the One Who was preached about last night as being the One Who knows me.  Me.  My thoughts.  My heart.  My intentions.  My fears.  My hopes.  My failures and my wants to do better.  The One Who was mentioned mightily in the story of Martha and Mary in yesterday's morning sermon, Who gently reminded Martha to not miss out on the better part in her busyness of doing all of the right things.  Jesus.  The One Who invites us to sit at His feet and let the cares of the world go by.

So, in conclusion, I again ask you:  when was the last time you saw Jesus?  Hopefully you have some Steves in your lives to get a glimpse of Him.  How far did you have to look to see Him at work?  Not too far, I imagine, as you catch His glory all around creation.  What's His job anyways and how can you even be sure He exists?  Oh, beloved, He does more than exist!  Can't you see it, feel it, taste it?  All of that love and goodness He supplies you with--that's His job.  To make you more like Him and since He is love, you are becoming more loving in response.

I know we can't all have our very own Steves, our personal cheerleaders, and best friend by our side to give us what we need, when we need it, and when we don't.  But, my friends, we have something better:  we have Jesus Himself.  Let Him abide in you.  Let Him bear your burdens and not criticize you when you feel poorly and less than.  Sit at His feet today.  Hear His praises as you bask in His light.  Read His Words and let them wash over you as you realize and contemplate that in a world where so many are only out to tear down, He is only out to build you up, to welcome you to His kingdom, and to love you--even when you don't have much to offer in return.  I should know!

Let's pray!

Ahh Lord, where to begin to thank You?  Yes, surely, for my husband whom You have shared with me and use to prove that in spite of how lowly I am, Your love doesn't kick one when she's down but instead offers an encouraging word and a hand to uplift her from the pit.  

Lord, You are so good to me.  I glance out my window and see the tree gently swaying, the dogs frolicking around, and the tremendous blue sky, reminding me that Your creation was meant to delight me--and it does!

I also hear the clock ticking, quietly but firmly, reminding me that one day, one day You are coming back.  I can't wait to see You!  To look upon Your face is where I will see that the beauty I've been privy to compares to what I will see when I behold You, Lord God Almighty!  These old knees that can barely get down on the floor will be perfected as they bow before You in worship.  This voice that screeches will sound more like those You are accustomed to that sing Your praises and Your worth in that angelic choir.  And this mind that is so befuddled will be cleared as I see and realize beyond any earthly comprehension that I think I have now just how magnificent You truly are.

Come soon, Lord?  I'm waiting!  

Love,

Your Wandering Child

Well, Since you volunteered...

Dear Friends and Neighbors:

I just wanted to take a moment to let you know what I need. Many of you have heard of my plight and written notes on Facebook or passed them on through the church or others and said to let you know if I need anything. Because of my situation and because time is such a precious commodity, it's hard for me to call you and tell you these things in my time of deep distress. Sometimes there's barely time for me to even take a bathroom break or go off for a few moments of alone time to cry, to process, to get myself together. Please don't take this the wrong way but...you offered so here is what I need.

I need help. I need someone to drop me off some food that can quickly be reheated for those times when I am unable to prepare a meal. Leave it on my front porch if I can't get to the door. It may look like I am home but my hands may honestly be doing things that don't allow for opening of the door in a timely manner.

I need a restaurant card or two for when I am running to and from doctor appointments and know there won't be time to eat once I get home so I have to stuff it down quickly as I am on my way to get meds refilled or supplies purchased. That unexpected treat furnished by you for that special moment when the strength is low can be just what the doctor ordered.

I need gas cards so that I can keep the tank filled. Again, with my hours being stretched so that there is little brain functionability, I often am so distracted that I forget this simple mundane task and honestly? Sometimes there are just so little dollars left that I am having to choose between eating and getting the scrips for my loved one (or myself).

I need you to take out my trash. I don't like to make a big deal out of it but it's not something I had to handle before. Others may have home pickup but I don't. It piles up and gets in the way. If you could please take a bag on your way out from your visit, that'd be great.

Oh, and that step you tripped over on your way up? That needs fixed too but I don't have time for it right now. I keep meaning to get to it but...

I need you to keep sending me cards to encourage me. Phone calls are tough because it's rare that it's convenient to chat, but try me. Leave me a voice message because sometimes your sweet words soothe my heart better than any ointment. Knowing you are praying for me, thinking of me, and loving me help to sustain my hurting soul. Those texts that you know I see? Don't be mad when I don't instantly respond. They give me motivation and remind me that you care. Keep sending them!

I need you to not be afraid to ask me how I am feeling. I don't though need to hear how you are or how your mom is going through this same situation because frankly, this is my situation and though there may be similarities, I need you to hear my story, my woes, and my cares. I'm afraid. I'm uncertain. Sometimes I am mad and need to vent. I need you to love me enough to let me rant if I need to, cry if I want to, or to be lifted up with some funny stories so that I don't take it all too seriously. I can't handle your sadness now because I am drowning in my own.

I need you to drop by without calling first once in a while because timing is everything and sometimes I may need you to do a certain task for me at just that moment. It may be to just let me go for a brief walk or go to the bathroom without fear of interruption for a quick shower or clean up of my own self. I might ask you to throw the clothes in the dryer or put a few dishes in the dishwasher. I probably won't but I need you to come into my house and look around, see what is being neglected, and just do it. I might even need you to sit with my loved one so that s/he knows there really is a body behind the words being said. Sing some songs. Pray with him or her. Don't stay all night but do come. It gets lonely with just us here. Remember: they were there for you.

If, however, I greet you at the door and say it isn't a good time, I need you to quickly and quietly go. I appreciate you but I just don't have the minute that turns into three that turns into ten while my attention is desperately needed elsewhere. I'm not trying to be rude or hurt your feelings. I just must be somewhere else in that moment.

I need you to send me flowers. Whether they are for me or the one I am caring for, they brighten up the place. Send me yellow ones and daisies and such that remind me life is out there because inside these four walls, death is often too near. I need some inner sunshine! Have your kids draw me pictures. Anything that adds light to my darkness will help.

I need you to understand that right now, sometimes it's all I can do to make myself get up in the mornings. I need you to hear what I don't say, to give what I don't ask for, and to know that I need you but am too full of pride to ask for your help. I am too ashamed of my dirty house to let you visit. I am afraid if I show you my emotion you will write me off as some lunatic when in actuality I am really quite sane but am having a moment of pure panic as I deal with the fact that my loved one is dying, that I am facing life alone, and that I am scared.

So, dear friends, I need you but I won't ask you these things. I want those casseroles. I want your visits so I know I am not alone and that you really do want to help but...I cannot ask you. I don't have time. Time is what I often need. You are busy too so if you don't mean it, please don't say it.

And, after my loved one has gone on, I need you. I may say I want to be alone but...keep trying. Keep showing up. Don't let me drift away too. I know I can appear fine but that doesn't mean I am. And lastly, remember, you asked if there was anything I needed, to let you know. I just did.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For anyone who may be reading this and thinking I need you right now because of some crisis I am having, let me assure you: I am fine. However, each morning when I get up and check Facebook, someone else isn't. Someone has just been diagnosed with cancer. Or their kid was in a wreck. Or their house burnt down, they lost their job, their husband left, they found out something that devastated them...

Friends, it's so easy to say "Call me if you need anything." But may I ask you: how do you think they are going to do that when they are barely treading water? Maybe they can't even afford to pay their phone bill itself so how can they cry out to you?

Let's make it a point to do, to act, to love without being asked. You know what is needed most of the time. It's you. They need you. Your ears. Your smiles. Your shoulders to hug on and cry on. Your time to help. They need to know they can text you in the middle of the day and get a quick word of encouragement. When they remember or get the chance to go to the mailbox, they need a card waiting there to show that though you aren't physically there, you are with them in spirit. They need you to show up unasked for because, after all, if you really love them, aren't you going to be in the vicinity anyways?

Next time you are at a fast food place, buy a gift card. Just in case. Grocery store? Pick up some extra frozen pizzas, casseroles, and maybe some sodas. Post office? Grab a few extra stamps 'cause even though you can't pay their bills, you can allow them to get sent out. Many times this is something overlooked but definitely needed. Leave them on their counter when you visit. Make the time to visit.

Depending on the season, have your kids mow their yard, wash their cars, take out the trash, walk their dogs, and so on. It's the little things that matter. Make a difference today, friends. That's what we need.

Soul Survivor

May 22, 2015

Misery. Troubles. Pain. Excruciating or acute distress. What words describe that darkness in your soul? And what is a soul really? Dictionary.com describes it this way: the spiritual part of humans regarded in its moral aspect, or as believed to survive death and be subject to happiness or misery in a life to come.

At some point in our lives, each of us has suffered heartache. Each of us has been tempted to throw in the towel, give up, scream, cry, beat our fists against the wall. Something--or someone--has so torn apart our worlds that had it not been for the mercy of God, we wouldn't be here today to see that we indeed were not alone in our roughest times, our darkest days. Joy did come in the morning--even though it may not have been the first morning after. Or the next. Or maybe even the next.

I've been reflecting on how much my life has changed over the past two plus years since my mother died. There was so much heartache, bitterness, hurt, red-hot anger, humility...I think I ran the whole gamut of adjectives that described my bruised and battered heart. Many of you started on that journey with me while others left me on the way because my pain was just too real and you had your own things to carry. And that's okay. Now. There is no limit on grief, no certain day when one suddenly wakes up and the loss is no longer felt. No, it takes time and our Lord often works so gradually that we aren't even aware that progress is being made but you know what? It is. We may not be able to measure it nor track it but one day...One day the hurt isn't as strong. The tears don't come as easily. That memory makes you smile instead of buckle. You find yourself calmer, your temper is settled.

How does this miracle take place? Through God's unfailing love. I'll say it again: through God's unfailing love. Unfailing: now there's a word for us! The definition goes like this: not giving way; not falling short of expectation; completely dependable; inexhaustible;  endless.

Yep, sure sounds like God to me! His supply of patience while we mourn, grieve, or just feel sad is inexhaustible. His love is endless and does not fall short. When others can no longer give, He is completely dependable and ready to comfort us, to listen to our woes, and to let us just relax in Him as He holds us while we cry. Too many times we think we are in the process alone when instead, we have the Great Comforter beside of us, stilling us, healing us. How great is our God?!

Let's pray!

Dear Lord in Heaven, how my heart thrills as I think on You. The way You love me and put up with me and continue to inspire me dazzles my tiny little brain! But even more so than that, God? It--You!!--amaze me. Always there. Always ready to help. Always putting me first. To say "thank You" seems too small but it's all I've got, God.

Thank You. I rejoice in You this moment and I am glad, so very glad, You are my Father, Friend, and Faithful Companion. Thank You for loving me when I have been most unlovable. Thank You for not running off when my emotions were too raw for others to handle. Thank You for teaching me all of the lessons I learned through this season of life. I am better because of it and though I probably wouldn't have done so at the first, I praise You now for allowing this trial in my life to become a testimony of Your love.

There are still some issues and many more lessons to grow from but with You by my side, I can do this. You can do this through me.

In the name of Jesus Christ I pray. Amen.