My Condition

As I sit here, waiting for my biopsy to come back, I wonder. I wonder at the marvels of medical technology. The doctor comes in, numbs me up, and takes out the obvious bad stuff. He's already explained the process and the follow up cosmetic surgery that he'll perform afterwards, depending of course on if he has to go in again.

I wonder. I wonder about that. How much more is in there that he wasn't able to get the first time. Will he open me up again-- and maybe even again? The surface stuff is easy to reach. But what about the deeper cancers, the ones that don't want to let go? The ones that the surgeon has to dig deeper for? The ones that keep hanging on?

Sounds like my sin condition. Some of the lesser ones are so easy to fix but others? Others I wonder if a cure is out there. Like the nurse who just came in and told me another layer was going to have to be taken, some of us need more extensive care. But guess what? The nurse had me confused with another patient. My fears swelled and doubt and despair arose and then fell in the blink of an eye. Oh how easy to think we get rid of it all at once and then how reality hits us hard when we see more work needs to be done.

Sigh. My sins aren't a secret to God. He knows my infirmity and my need to be cleansed and healed--often. One visit with Him won't do it. I need to be in constant communication with Him, need to practice and exercise the lessons taught, need to have regular check ups. "Search me, oh God," the psalmist pleads. "Cleanse me from every sin and set me free."

Me too, Lord. Me too.