White Lies

It happened last week during a celebratory supper.  The adults were talking about the highs and lows of the day and the kiddos were playing with their chips and salsa--and silverware, straws, and anything else they could get their sticky little fingers on.  I was going on about how this fella who hadn't done his job properly did do at least one thing right, but probably just so he could C Y A.

"What's C Y A mean," asked this screechy voice.

As my eyes met the other female's at the table in chagrin, without hardly missing a beat, I replied "Well, the 'C' is for 'see' and the 'YA' is for 'ya' as in see ya later."

The lie just rolled, ever so easily, off of my tongue and I kept on with the conversation while mentally I was berating myself for not only not being careful but for following up one misdeed with another.  I've been pondering the incident ever since.

Today, in order to avoid chatting too long on the phone, I purposely made my voice more scratchy than it is so that I could get back to resting.  Was that a lie?  Weeeellllll, it wasn't being honest, now was it, by me misleading the one on the other end of the phone that I wasn't well enough to discourse for but a minute?  Or, when instead of responding to a friend's cry for help on social media, instead I turned a deaf ear, convincing myself that I couldn't be much use to her in my fuzzy condition.  She probably just needed someone to listen anyways:  not someone to drone on with opinions and advice.  I could have at least offered.  But I didn't.

Sins of omission and sins that are deliberately committed.  I am guilty of doing both and what's worse is that I really don't feel too badly about them.  Not at first, anyways.  Obviously that can't still be true or I wouldn't be blogging about them now, would I?  Sigh.  Oh wretched woman that I am!  In my miserable condition, often I just want to burrow and keep the world at bay.  And the days when I am healthy and in my as-much-as-can-be right mind when I have better control and cannot blame my poor behavior on the medication?  What excuse can I offer then?

Romans 7:19
For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing.
Galatians 5:17
For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.

Isn't it great that Paul, this great man of faith, failed before me and penned these verses?   Isn't it comforting to know that no matter how rotten I am, there are those whose own stench made them humble themselves and seek pardon and gain restoration so that I would know how to do so too?  To realize that when I mess up, someone before me has also misspoken, given in to desires that should have been left alone, and/or has battled within himself to stop the madness?  

For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me.  What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 

 Ahh, the comfort of not being alone in our wickedness.  The joy of knowing that there is a Hope, that though the struggles continue on, day in and day out, the victory is ours to claim!

Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

Thanks indeed!  

Lord, for the many times I fail You either by doing or not doing what I should, I ask forgiveness.  Thank You for Your Word convicting me and being in my heart so that I can't just blithely pass off these little white lies and the choices I make to either participate or ignore my friends when they need a little help.  Thank You for deliverance, Father.  Tomorrow, help me to do better I pray, in the name of Jesus.  Amen.