In Another's Eyes

Isn’t it amazing to know what other people think about you, to see yourself through their eyes while they see someone totally different than the you you thought you were?

Case in point:  yesterday at the dermatologist’s office when getting my annual checkup, I was not happy.  Fearful.  My trepidation was at an all-time high because...well, just sometimes you know that there is going to be something found that you wished was not in existence.  I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve (no matter how many times I try to wear a garment that is sleeveless!) and as I was being examined, the nursing assistant glibly said, “See.  We’re 40% done and no problems yet!”  During the preliminary account of why I was there, I had explained to her that trouble loomed.  Though I said it jokingly, the underlying uneasiness was there, just under the surface, but we were strangers and she didn’t really pick up on it.

“Yeah,”   I said, “but now we’re getting to my face.  That’s where the problems start.”  I still had on my smile but my anxiety was pushing its way up.

Katie, my doctor who apparently had been given the preliminary account of why I was there for today’s visit, continued her exam, murmuring what she thought were encouraging words.  I tried to follow her lead as each troubled area I had notified the nurse of beforehand turned out to be fine.  “Great!  Maybe the rest won’t be bad either.  Oh, I hope that they won’t; that it’s just my imaginations.”  

The banter continued, even when she started getting closer and closer with that magnifying glass.  The two spots I thought were going to do me in?  Well, sure, that one could use a little freezing--just to be safe-- and the other one, the one she could barely see, it was fine too, Katie said, and I breathed a sigh of relief.  As I exhaled and explained how usually twice a week I had to flake off the what-I-hoped-were-just-dry-skin-particles of my flesh, Katie said “You are the most hopeful person I know!  Every time I see you, you are full of hope that these places aren’t going to be bad.”  Dumbfounded, my eyes found Steve’s as I looked at him with my “Does-this-woman-know-me-at-all” baby blues that reflected my perplexed thoughts.

Long story short, my fears were confirmed.  As Katie continued looking at that “nothing” spot and scraping it with her fingernail, she determined it indeed needed to be biopsied.  Great.  And then, as if that wasn’t enough, she found another place above my lip that greatly concerned her.  I hadn’t even noticed it and felt the dread rise again.  Basal cell.  99% sure it would need the Moh’s Surgery.  Katie fixed her eyes on Steve as my “hopeful” words that maybe it was just a fluke faded into my own private chamber of terror.

Sigh.

You know that verse from 2 Corinthians 13:5 about examining yourself?  It was running through my head as I questioned how I could have missed this spot, how it was so obvious to my doctor and yet Steve nor I had even given it a passing glance.  Seriously, I have had four Moh’s surgeries on my face, as well as the “blue light special” that was supposed to remove so many of these precancerous blights.  Not to even mention all of those places I had already had frozen off from my face.  So, how in the world could I have missed this one?!

{Sidebar:  this also makes the verse about seeing the mote in my brother's eye and missing the plank in my own (Matthew 7:5)}

Sigh.

“You are the most hopeful person I know.”  That was Katie’s take on me when she had begun my routine exam.   She saw something in me that I didn’t.  And I don’t just mean the basal cell.  Her appraisal of me--outwardly--revealed a hopeful soul that looked for the good, that hoped for better things to come, and one who was ready and willing to push aside the things that try to make one stumble.  We see each other roughly once a year (well, twice if you count when I go back for the follow-up surgeries that are performed by her colleague).  Somehow when I am with this kind lady I have projected an attitude that is pleasing.  She saw good in me.

As mentioned above, when I had inspected myself, I didn’t find this blight on my skin that is going to require further attention.  I saw other infractions that in Katie’s eyes weren’t there or were only superficial.  Things gals like me have to deal with as a part of life but that don’t take away from the quality of my life as a whole.

Is any of this making sense?  Katie--with her trained eyes and advanced understanding of the human body--saw things from my soul that I had failed to believe existed.  Katie--again, with her trained eyes--also saw things that needed fixed, that needed more help than she could give.  Her part was to evaluate.  It’s up to the surgeon to remove the cancer.  Kind of like what God does to us, right?  We see in part; He sees in whole.  We examine ourselves but He is Who fixes us.  Our wounded flesh and our deeply rooted sins can only be removed by God.  While we deal with the exterior, He takes care of the interior areas of our beings that need His expert touch.

In closing, I appreciate the words Katie spoke to me that made me reflect more on how I present myself to the world.  Yes indeed, man does look on the outward appearance.  However, every once in a while, man sees something more, something truer, and something that helps him to believe there is more than meets the eye.  Katie saw me as being not just hopeful, but “the most hopeful” person she has met.  Wow.  She sees me once a year and has made this assumption.  What about those who see me more often? What am I projecting to them?  Is it positive or negative? Do I let Jesus out or keep Him buried deep inside?  Hmn hmn hmn.

Let’s pray!

My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.  Lord, the words to this song are meaningful in that Christ Jesus is the only avenue of hope.  Man cannot save me or fix me or assure me.  Only You can.  

As I go through my days, remind me that others only get small pieces of me, outward showings that they judge me by.  Oh Lord:  help me to reflect You and not my own negativity, my own weaknesses, nor my own sinful self.  Shine through me, Lord, so that others see You when glancing my way.  Speak through me so that they hear Your voice of love, of strength, of compassion.  Seep through me, Father, that Your presence comes through every pore of my being and draws others to You is my plea.  I ask these things in the name of Christ Jesus:  amen!