Validation

A great friend of mine is going through… something.  It’s hard to exactly describe it, to pinpoint it to just one thing, to define what it is that’s troubling Stacey (for privacy reasons, we’ll just refer to said friend as Stacey).  She’s got some things nagging in her subconscious that have been trying to steal her joy--something you faithful readers of mine know is a huge No-No.

Being the ever-so-helpful-and-oh-so-wise-friend that I am, I offered Stacey some advice, based on years of wisdom and things I wish someone would have told me.  I advised my precious friend to write things down.  On a slip of paper, the back of a receipt, a notebook, a note card, a post-it note, a notepad, or nearly anything she could find to quickly write out the words she was feeling--even if they weren’t in a whole sentence.  Sometimes a couple of words would suffice and other times she might need to write a whole paragraph or essay.  “Just don’t do it on the back of your hand, Stacey, for that is just not a good place to keep these random thoughts.”

What will this benefit you in your state of need, you might wonder?  I am so glad you asked!  Here are five things that I jotted down this morning as I considered my friend and the advice I had given to her.  Ready?  Here they are, in no particular order:

1. Writing it down ACKNOWLEDGES:  the pain, the situation, the fear
2. Writing it down VALIDATES:  that you have the right to feel this way
3. Writing it down SEPARATES:  the truth from the lies
4. Writing it down ALLOWS:  the anger, the grief, the release
5. Writing it down ADMITS:  the helplessness, the helpfulness, and the hopefulness

Whether you follow up on these notes today, tomorrow, next week, year, or what have you, writing it down brings a bittersweet satisfaction to voicing this thought/feeling--even if there is no resolution.  There is still this concrete, tangible proof that you exist, that your situation is troubling you, and that you matter--even if to no one else.  You are allowed to feel, friend.  You don’t have to stuff it all inside and await the day it all spews out into a bigger fluff than it might have had you just taken the moment to deal with it on its surface.  Remember Neil Diamond’s classic song “I Am, I Said” where “no one heard at all, not even the chair”?  It still helped ol’ Neil (and ol’ Stef on more than one occasion) to belt it out in song or to write the beloved lyrics on the paper.  

Lastly, even if the situation only serves to remind you of the pain, again, it validates your...well, it validates you.  You are alive.  Your feelings do matter.  You have a right to feel this way in this moment at this time.  Now, you don’t necessarily have the right to act on these feelings, mind you.  “Be angry and sin not” as Ephesians 4:26 tells us.  But when you write these thoughts down, friends, at least they are not buried so deeply inside of you that once the flow starts, it cannot be quenched.  Does that make sense?  Sometimes a snowflake starts an avalanche (Max Lucado).  Don’t let one straw break the camel’s back.

Okay, enough of the analogies and quotes.  For Stacey, myself, and all of you out there in Wandering Land, I encourage you to keep a pencil and paper handy.  When something fascinates you, excites you, encourages you, incites you, and so on WRITE IT DOWN!  Let your fingers memorialize this instance and follow up on it when you can.  Better for it to come out of these members than the one that cannot be tamed.  Yes, I’m referring to the tongue.  We can’t always take back what we said but with a good eraser we can certainly blot out what shouldn’t have been.  Amen?

Let’s pray!

Dear Lord, I hope this message gets through to Stacey and to the ones out there like her.  It’s so hard, Father, to express ourselves when we aren’t even sure what it is we’re feeling.  Therefore, to write these momentary trials, temptations, and/or twinges on our hearts is the safer way to handle them until a more opportune time comes along.

Yes, I know, Lord, that often these evidences can serve to bring back pains and things probably best forgotten.  But they can also serve as warnings and reminders to not behave this way again or to not let that situation get the best of us.  We are to be constantly standing for You, God.  When our feelings control our actions, though, we tend to stumble and fall.  Help us, I pray in the sweet name of Jesus Christ, to temper our behaviours into ones that bring honor to Him, to You, and to not let them steal our joy.  Amen.

How you doin'?

Good morning!  Tell me something:  how are you really doing today?  I know:  that’s a loaded question.  Some of you would automatically reply “I’m fine.  How are you?”  while others would say “I’m okay” or “I’ve been better.”  A few might respond “You don’t really want to know!”  

And then there are those of you who would ponder momentarily how much I genuinely care to hear your answer and then you would tell me the truth.  You’re barely hanging on.  You have issues that no one else knows of.  Maybe it’s a medical situation that you think is too embarrassing to speak of.  Maybe your kid kept you up all night or your hubby didn’t come home.  Maybe your boss is on your case.  Perhaps you are struggling with spiritual issues and are too ashamed to tell anyone because if you did then your reputation as Sister Saint might be tarnished.  

As for me and how I am doing today, I’ll be honest.  I’m okay.  Not great; but not too poorly.  If I am not careful, my mind can stray into areas that are not good for it to be in because they can bring up past pains that I have dealt with but that still have the power to prick at me.  They come along innocently enough, as they did last night when Steve and I were talking about how rotten television is.  After the past few episodes of “Game of Thrones” I am thoroughly sickened of the gratuitous violence and sexual deviancy.  Top that off with binge-watching “Empire” and the horrid depictions of family and I am near ready to throw my Roku away and never turn on the tube again.

But that’s another topic.  What got my mind off-track last night--or threatened to--was when we were talking about the images in my mind that I don’t need to be there.  One of my private fears is that when I get just a smidge older that I might develop Alzheimer’s and/or dementia. How awful would it be for my sweet mouth to start spouting off bitter and harsh words, ugly words, shameful words that leave a lasting memory in my kids’ and grandkids’ minds?  Forget the straight-jacket.  Instead, have my mouth wired shut would be my number one pick on my living will agenda.

The other thing that tried to damage my calm was when Steve innocently asked something about the way the family was portrayed in “Empire.”  At church the other night, in his class they studied a passage from I Thessalonians 4.  Long story short, the word ‘concupiscence’ from verse 5 was discussed, as well as parts of the rest of the book and how we are not to covet what our brothers have.  Steve asked something to the effect of “is that what you think K and B did to you?”  Immediately--not like I would have been this time last year, thank You, Jesus!--I told him I did not even want to think about that because I was so tired of the devil trying to stir up strife in areas I have dealt with.  And that’s what the heart of my message is today, friends.

“How are you” I asked at the beginning of this blog.  Not “how were you” is my question.  If you cannot see any change in your walk, any discipline in what you are letting control your thoughts, or any positive signs that you are not your former self, then drop me a line.  Call your pastor’s wife.  Get in touch with a friend who can spiritually advise you. Something needs to change so that you can live the abundant life that has been promised to you.  It’s so much better than the one where your shoulders are sagging and you can’t lift your head because of all of the weights you are needlessly carrying around!  As a saved soul, the Bible tells us in II Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”  Let those old pains go.  Let those old habits die.  Let those old friends and/or loves that are hurting you go.  You don’t need them.  

I don’t write these things lightly, dear ones.  It has taken me a long time to get to the place I am today.  I still slip into old patterns when I lose my focus on Christ and keep it on me.  How I wish you didn’t have to learn the hard way!  Don’t be stubborn and full of pride.  You may think no one will care or like you if you act the “right way.”  And you might be correct.  Or maybe, just maybe, you will learn to like yourself enough again to realize that that is better company anyway.  When it’s just you and Jesus, it’s a much better relationship than those that are leaving you so bereft.

Let’s pray!

Oh Lord, as my words resound in my ears, I cannot help but reflect on how low I was for so long as I let my past control any future I hoped to have.  The hurts and the wrongs I clung to made me a bitter soul--and a lonely one.  No one wants to be around an old hag who just feels sorry for herself and wants to whine about how she was so wronged.  Sure, at first friends were kind but then they couldn’t help but wonder when I’d shake it off, when I’d let it all go, and when I’d let You work Your grace in me.

Sorry that it took so long, God, for You to penetrate my cold, stony heart.  My stubbornness and need to be vindicated came at a high price.  Please allow a portion of this life lesson to seep into another’s soul and let her think twice before letting the devil control her thoughts the way I allowed him to for too much of my life.

Lastly Lord?  Thank You ever so much for temperance.  You showed it to me.  You impressed it upon my husband to be patient with me.  You allowed me time to heal and though it took longer than it should have, my wounds aren’t open anymore.  They don’t bleed unless I pick at my scars and God?  I’m tired of that ugliness marring my body.  I’m tired of having to pretend to be something, someone, that I am not.  A new creation, better, stronger, and trusting in You.  No, I’m not the Bionic Woman but I’m someone better than I was.  Through You, Lord God, I have been made new.  May it be for so for those reading this today is my prayer.  Love them, Lord, as You loved me.  In the name of Jesus, amen.