Validation

A great friend of mine is going through… something.  It’s hard to exactly describe it, to pinpoint it to just one thing, to define what it is that’s troubling Stacey (for privacy reasons, we’ll just refer to said friend as Stacey).  She’s got some things nagging in her subconscious that have been trying to steal her joy--something you faithful readers of mine know is a huge No-No.

Being the ever-so-helpful-and-oh-so-wise-friend that I am, I offered Stacey some advice, based on years of wisdom and things I wish someone would have told me.  I advised my precious friend to write things down.  On a slip of paper, the back of a receipt, a notebook, a note card, a post-it note, a notepad, or nearly anything she could find to quickly write out the words she was feeling--even if they weren’t in a whole sentence.  Sometimes a couple of words would suffice and other times she might need to write a whole paragraph or essay.  “Just don’t do it on the back of your hand, Stacey, for that is just not a good place to keep these random thoughts.”

What will this benefit you in your state of need, you might wonder?  I am so glad you asked!  Here are five things that I jotted down this morning as I considered my friend and the advice I had given to her.  Ready?  Here they are, in no particular order:

1. Writing it down ACKNOWLEDGES:  the pain, the situation, the fear
2. Writing it down VALIDATES:  that you have the right to feel this way
3. Writing it down SEPARATES:  the truth from the lies
4. Writing it down ALLOWS:  the anger, the grief, the release
5. Writing it down ADMITS:  the helplessness, the helpfulness, and the hopefulness

Whether you follow up on these notes today, tomorrow, next week, year, or what have you, writing it down brings a bittersweet satisfaction to voicing this thought/feeling--even if there is no resolution.  There is still this concrete, tangible proof that you exist, that your situation is troubling you, and that you matter--even if to no one else.  You are allowed to feel, friend.  You don’t have to stuff it all inside and await the day it all spews out into a bigger fluff than it might have had you just taken the moment to deal with it on its surface.  Remember Neil Diamond’s classic song “I Am, I Said” where “no one heard at all, not even the chair”?  It still helped ol’ Neil (and ol’ Stef on more than one occasion) to belt it out in song or to write the beloved lyrics on the paper.  

Lastly, even if the situation only serves to remind you of the pain, again, it validates your...well, it validates you.  You are alive.  Your feelings do matter.  You have a right to feel this way in this moment at this time.  Now, you don’t necessarily have the right to act on these feelings, mind you.  “Be angry and sin not” as Ephesians 4:26 tells us.  But when you write these thoughts down, friends, at least they are not buried so deeply inside of you that once the flow starts, it cannot be quenched.  Does that make sense?  Sometimes a snowflake starts an avalanche (Max Lucado).  Don’t let one straw break the camel’s back.

Okay, enough of the analogies and quotes.  For Stacey, myself, and all of you out there in Wandering Land, I encourage you to keep a pencil and paper handy.  When something fascinates you, excites you, encourages you, incites you, and so on WRITE IT DOWN!  Let your fingers memorialize this instance and follow up on it when you can.  Better for it to come out of these members than the one that cannot be tamed.  Yes, I’m referring to the tongue.  We can’t always take back what we said but with a good eraser we can certainly blot out what shouldn’t have been.  Amen?

Let’s pray!

Dear Lord, I hope this message gets through to Stacey and to the ones out there like her.  It’s so hard, Father, to express ourselves when we aren’t even sure what it is we’re feeling.  Therefore, to write these momentary trials, temptations, and/or twinges on our hearts is the safer way to handle them until a more opportune time comes along.

Yes, I know, Lord, that often these evidences can serve to bring back pains and things probably best forgotten.  But they can also serve as warnings and reminders to not behave this way again or to not let that situation get the best of us.  We are to be constantly standing for You, God.  When our feelings control our actions, though, we tend to stumble and fall.  Help us, I pray in the sweet name of Jesus Christ, to temper our behaviours into ones that bring honor to Him, to You, and to not let them steal our joy.  Amen.

Take a good look at my face

August 27, 2015

It’s almost that time I again.  I can already feel the dread in the pit of my stomach as the day approaches.  Seven years.  Seven years?  Yeah, tomorrow marks the anniversary of the day my sister Mary left me, left her family, and left this world.

Sigh.  I miss her.  Not just on anniversary dates and not just on her birthday or on holidays. I miss her on a daily basis.  Time has eased much of this sense of loss but there will always be a portion of my heart that also died on that date, August 28, 2008.  While in our past, Mary left me with a visual scar or two (that’s how I got my middle toe on my left foot marred), the scar on my soul is not evident, and is not easily seen with the naked eye.

Scars are fascinating things when you think about them.  If your body was revealed with all of yours, what history lessons would we learn?  I told you about my toe.  The back and top of my head have a couple as well, from my brother Billy.  He thought hitting me with a See-And-Say toy was a good idea, as well as pushing me off of the bed and accidentally knocking me into a trunk.  Stitches were required, just as they were that time Mary swung her Brownie belt round and around and nipped me in the skull way back when.  And the time my dad hit a line-drive right into my eye.  Were you to see my belly, you would see where my darling daughter was removed from me over thirty-one years ago via a C-section.  On my left arm, if you look closely enough, you can see the fading line of where our first dog, Flossie, in her exuberance to “love” me, had her mouth open, slobber fully oozing down her chops, and teeth exposed as she tried to jump up on me and welcome me.  Other scars I have include one on my neck, from when I had surgery to repair some residual damage from a car wreck that could have been so much worse than it was back in 1985.  The surgery itself wasn’t until 1999, the year I finally graduated from college.  Still more proof that I have lived, that I have survived these injuries, are on my face, my arms, back, stomach, and legs where pre-skin cancers have been removed--some more than once.  There’s this one on my right shoulder that resembles a scorpion, my astrological sign (if I went for that kind of thing, that is).  I joke and tell folks it’s my tattoo.  If you studied my face, you could see the long line on my left cheek that goes from my eye to my ear.  When I first had it and it was still so vibrant, I’d joke that I was in a bar fight.  

Okay, Stef, what in the world is all this jabbering about?  Who really wants to know about your scars, your war injuries, and the pains of your childhood?  Or from adulthood, for that matter?

Honestly?  Not many.  Not many of us want to see and hear the others’ tales of woe and such.  But you know what?  You cannot go far without someone having one to show off, some new blight on their body that they must share with someone else.  Steve had this Uncle, Sherley, who was like this.  Oh my cow!  If he had a new scar, he wanted the whole world to see it but if you tried to share with him yours?  He’d cringe, physically walk away, and avoid it all costs.  When Mary, my beloved sister, used to be beaten by her then-husband, she’d show us all her wounds, her bruises, and her injuries--almost proudly--as we all just kind of stood there and shook our heads, wondering when enough would be enough.  I guess the keys dug into her scalp and the loss of a tooth or two finally were enough to convince her that Frank was not going to change.

Okay, Stef, you are rambling again.  Can we just get on with this?  Please!

Sure; here goes.  Remember our Lord Jesus Christ?  Remember how He was beaten for crimes He was accused of but didn’t commit?  Remember how He was whipped within inches of His life?  Lastly, do you remember how He was hung on a cross for my sins and when He finally gave up the ghost, just to be sure, a sword was thrust through His side to ensure that He was really dead?  I remember.  And I cringe at these scars that His precious body underwent for the likes of me.  I try to not conjure up those images in my mind.  Watching the movie “The Passion of the Christ” is not one of my favorite past times because it shows so vividly what Christ suffered in a way that leaves its own scar on my mind.

Thomas, the doubter, though, was one of those rare people who had to see something of this magnitude to believe it.  John 20:25 tells it like this:

The other disciples therefore said unto him, We have seen the Lord. But he

said unto them, Except I shall see in His hands the print of the nails, and put

my finger into the print of the nails, and thrust my hand into His side, I will not believe.

Jesus’ response when He and Thomas were again face-to-face was this:

Then saith he to Thomas, Reach hither thy finger, and behold My hands;

and reach hither thy hand, and thrust it into My side: and be not faithless,

but believing.  And Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen

Me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.Thomas answered and said unto him, My Lord and my God.

Friends, some of us are this way too.  We won’t believe something until we actually witness it with our own eyes, touch it with our own hands.  And some of us just have to--we cannot help ourselves--we just have to show and tell others what has damaged us.  Maybe it’s to use as a witness that we are survivors?  Maybe it’s to show that what didn’t kill us made us stronger?  Maybe it’s just as a testimony to the great grace God had in our lives that He saved us from these harms and let us live to give Him the glory?  I don’t know.  But, what I suggest, is the next time that someone wants to show you his/her blemishes, the next time someone has a story to tell that is just vital for them to share?  Listen.  Look, if you can.  For you see, you are acknowledging their pain, their purpose, and their presence.  God kept them here for a reason.  Maybe their story will have the effect on you of allowing you to see that your story might help others too.  There are lessons in those scars.  From my own, I learned many:

• Don’t mess with someone bigger than you
• Don’t go near dogs who are too excited
• Don’t play with those whose idea of fun involves weapons
• Stay out of the sun without protection
• Don’t let your husband or significant other hit you

Sigh.  It’s no use thinking we are going to escape life without a few bumps and bruises.  Studies have even proven we won’t get out alive--if you can believe that!  Seriously though, my friends, there are going to be times in life when it hurts.  And in those times, our pain can be so extreme that we must share our boo boos.  Our miracles are so miraculous that we must tell others how God brought us through.  And those scars that are bitter reminders?  Yes, they must be shared too to hopefully warn others that it doesn’t have to go that far.  

Will you pray now with me?  Thanks!  And thanks for reading this to the end.  My hope is that my blogs will be a blessing and an encouragement to you.  We aren’t in life alone, no matter what the devil whispers to us.  Remember that!

Dear Lord God, this was another of those hard to write blogs.  I pray that my words will have the desired effect of revealing to others that it’s not what happens to our bodies on the outside as much as what comes forth that is important.  From Jesus’ flowed life and water as He was pierced for us.  Healing came as the blood washed away our sins and the water provided cleansing from them.  May our wounds too ease and comfort others as we show them off--and as we listen to those whose hurts must be shared, may we let them know that we care, that we are sorry this happened and that they had to go through it, and mostly, that we acknowledge them.  Some wounds we will never see and I thank You for that.  If we truly saw each other and the things we have all survived, we might just give up.  But we aren’t quitters, Father!  No:  we are believers and fighters and with Your help, we will make it until You call us home, wounded and weary, and praising You all the way for what You have brought us through.  May it be so, Lord.  Amen.

Stop and Smell the Roses

In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.  Proverbs 3:6

Aren't the flowers in this picture so pretty?  I think so too!  The other day, Steve and I had some lunch at Sonic and there they were, sitting there in all of their glory, just being beautiful.  They didn't put up a sign to say "Notice us!"  They did have a radio broadcast crew out to tell of their fame.  Didn't have flyers printed to advertise that they are on display.  Nope.  They just sat there in the flower bed, basking in the sunlight, and providing me with inspiration.

The dictionary defines the word "acknowledge" as a verb which means:
 to admit to be real or true; recognize the existence, truth, or fact of:
 to show or express recognition or realization of:
 to show or express appreciation or gratitude for:
 to take notice of or reply to

I like these definitions.  I like how the words for one thing mean so much and how they point me to Jesus.  In Proverbs, we are given much direction and instruction about what it means to follow Christ.  In life, we are constantly made aware of just how easy it is to do these commands, to acquiesce to the calls of the Bible.  How can one not look around and see the mighty and magnificent wonders of our Lord?  From where I am sitting right now in my Pretty Purple Room, I am surrounded by images, sounds, and inanimate objects that all remind me of God.  For instance, if I look out my window, I see the branches of a tree, with a background of beautiful blue sky with just a faint tinge of white clouds in the distance.

The wind is softly blowing and occasionally a bird flits by.  How is all of this beauty available to me?  Easy!  I just have to open my eyes and observe it.   I only have to look up to see the wonders created for my enjoyment.  I only have to attune my ears to listen to the gentle sounds of nature--and tune out the ticking of the clock behind me that is trying to get me off focus.  After all, wouldn't that defeat the purpose of worshiping this morning?  If I concentrate on the minutes passing by that could be spent on other things--things that don't keep me watching for my Lord--then the devil wins.  

In all your ways, Stef, acknowledge the Lord.  All of them!  He gives me my next breath, my next vision, and my next thought.  Christ is all around me and I need to believe that He is guiding my steps, my fingers, my thoughts, and my purpose.  I must not be deterred by the squirrels of Satan as I spend these early moments communing with my God.  

Let's pray now.

Dearest Lord God, I cannot help but sit amazed at the wonders of You.  As I reflect on the pretty picture above and recall just how You don't have to use fanfare to get Your children's attention, I am humbled.  How much have I missed by being in such a hurry?  How many pretty flowers have I not enjoyed, how many little birds have sung their songs only to be ignored because I was listening to less-pleasing things?  How much time goes by without me acknowledging and thanking You for all of this?

Father, I do now thank You.  In my busyness and carelessness, You send gentle reminders of what is true, lovely, and of good report.  You direct my paths and lead me beside the still waters.  I notice this and take appreciation in the good things You send my way.  You are so special, Lord.  Thank You for creation.  Thank You for love.  Thank You for peace.  And thank You for You!  In the name of Jesus, amen.