Validation

A great friend of mine is going through… something.  It’s hard to exactly describe it, to pinpoint it to just one thing, to define what it is that’s troubling Stacey (for privacy reasons, we’ll just refer to said friend as Stacey).  She’s got some things nagging in her subconscious that have been trying to steal her joy--something you faithful readers of mine know is a huge No-No.

Being the ever-so-helpful-and-oh-so-wise-friend that I am, I offered Stacey some advice, based on years of wisdom and things I wish someone would have told me.  I advised my precious friend to write things down.  On a slip of paper, the back of a receipt, a notebook, a note card, a post-it note, a notepad, or nearly anything she could find to quickly write out the words she was feeling--even if they weren’t in a whole sentence.  Sometimes a couple of words would suffice and other times she might need to write a whole paragraph or essay.  “Just don’t do it on the back of your hand, Stacey, for that is just not a good place to keep these random thoughts.”

What will this benefit you in your state of need, you might wonder?  I am so glad you asked!  Here are five things that I jotted down this morning as I considered my friend and the advice I had given to her.  Ready?  Here they are, in no particular order:

1. Writing it down ACKNOWLEDGES:  the pain, the situation, the fear
2. Writing it down VALIDATES:  that you have the right to feel this way
3. Writing it down SEPARATES:  the truth from the lies
4. Writing it down ALLOWS:  the anger, the grief, the release
5. Writing it down ADMITS:  the helplessness, the helpfulness, and the hopefulness

Whether you follow up on these notes today, tomorrow, next week, year, or what have you, writing it down brings a bittersweet satisfaction to voicing this thought/feeling--even if there is no resolution.  There is still this concrete, tangible proof that you exist, that your situation is troubling you, and that you matter--even if to no one else.  You are allowed to feel, friend.  You don’t have to stuff it all inside and await the day it all spews out into a bigger fluff than it might have had you just taken the moment to deal with it on its surface.  Remember Neil Diamond’s classic song “I Am, I Said” where “no one heard at all, not even the chair”?  It still helped ol’ Neil (and ol’ Stef on more than one occasion) to belt it out in song or to write the beloved lyrics on the paper.  

Lastly, even if the situation only serves to remind you of the pain, again, it validates your...well, it validates you.  You are alive.  Your feelings do matter.  You have a right to feel this way in this moment at this time.  Now, you don’t necessarily have the right to act on these feelings, mind you.  “Be angry and sin not” as Ephesians 4:26 tells us.  But when you write these thoughts down, friends, at least they are not buried so deeply inside of you that once the flow starts, it cannot be quenched.  Does that make sense?  Sometimes a snowflake starts an avalanche (Max Lucado).  Don’t let one straw break the camel’s back.

Okay, enough of the analogies and quotes.  For Stacey, myself, and all of you out there in Wandering Land, I encourage you to keep a pencil and paper handy.  When something fascinates you, excites you, encourages you, incites you, and so on WRITE IT DOWN!  Let your fingers memorialize this instance and follow up on it when you can.  Better for it to come out of these members than the one that cannot be tamed.  Yes, I’m referring to the tongue.  We can’t always take back what we said but with a good eraser we can certainly blot out what shouldn’t have been.  Amen?

Let’s pray!

Dear Lord, I hope this message gets through to Stacey and to the ones out there like her.  It’s so hard, Father, to express ourselves when we aren’t even sure what it is we’re feeling.  Therefore, to write these momentary trials, temptations, and/or twinges on our hearts is the safer way to handle them until a more opportune time comes along.

Yes, I know, Lord, that often these evidences can serve to bring back pains and things probably best forgotten.  But they can also serve as warnings and reminders to not behave this way again or to not let that situation get the best of us.  We are to be constantly standing for You, God.  When our feelings control our actions, though, we tend to stumble and fall.  Help us, I pray in the sweet name of Jesus Christ, to temper our behaviours into ones that bring honor to Him, to You, and to not let them steal our joy.  Amen.