20/20

In hindsight, I could kick myself.  In fact, upon chatting with my old friend, I asked him to go ahead and kick me now.  Sigh.  Why is hindsight so vivid?  And why could I not have had it to begin with?

There’s a fine line between being a busybody and a concerned soul. The trick is knowing which side of that line to cross.

A discerning heart and spirit are required to be effective soldiers in the army of God.  And also, a willing attitude is crucial if one is to be successful in warring against the flesh.  

Here’s what went on in summation.  Many months ago I attended the visitation of a young man who died because of a drug overdose.  While waiting in the lobby to go into the receiving line--which I really dreaded because I did not personally know this fella and was only there to pay my respects to his grandmother--a former neighbor of mine came in.  After the initial greetings and small talk, we got a little more personal.  She told me of some of her regrets about not living in our ’hood anymore and there was...something. Something more than just the wistful reminisces about simpler times. Something more than the way her eyes clouded up as she began to explain how her life was before...before...before him.

Looking back, I wish I had asked.  Wish I had skipped the receiving line and asked her if she’d like to go sit and chat further.  Wish I had followed up with her because yes, I do have a discerning spirit often but...but this woman was not a friend of mine.  Former neighbor, sure, but our paths rarely crossed.  I knew her child to an extent but really:  I had no clues about this lady and who she was.  And sure, we had some mutual acquaintances that we conversed about.  But really, what business of mine was it to delve deeper and become potentially involved in something that didn’t concern me?  After all, I was already in an uncomfortable spot, trying to figure out what words of sympathy I could offer to my friend about the tragedy she was going through.  If I reached out to this woman with more than the casual hug we had exchanged, what might I be opening myself up to?  Maybe I was just being overdramatic.  Right? Maybe that look in her eye was just the sorrow for the young man lying inside. Besides, if she needed me, she knew where I lived.  I wasn't the one who moved. Right?

So, about that kick.  I’ll bet you’d like to give me one too about now, huh?

To wrap this story up, it turns out that that woman, that lady, that neighbor was indeed in a mess.  Her life was more troubled than the world knew because she had to keep up appearances.  Her soul was tortured on a daily basis and she literally had to flee for her life, for her sanity, for her self.  

What if I had taken just a little more time with her those months ago?  Could I have made a difference?  Would her circumstances have had a happier ending?  Or would I just have been labeled as a nosy bat, someone whose nose would be better placed anywhere other than in her business?  

I won’t know those answers.  My bifocals don’t allow me to go back in time and change those moments when something is off but I wasn’t in tune enough to hear the sad melody being played.  

Sigh.

Let’s pray.

Dear Lord, my soul is troubled.  My heart is aching in places that I didn’t even realize were active for this woman who has been and is still going through so much tragedy.  

Is it too late, Lord?  Is it too late to extend my offer of help?  To let my arms reach out, to lend her my ears, to cry with her through eyes that were blinded?  

Jesus, You went to Mary and Martha after the loss of their brother.  Not before but after.  The comfort You gave to them; the hearing of their words of reprimand and sorrow as they mourned the loss of Lazarus; and the recriminations of if had You been there things would have been different rang loudly.  The difference is Lord, they sent for You.  This woman has not asked for me but...but maybe she doesn’t know how.  Maybe she is too alone in her grief or perhaps she has others to assist her?  I don’t know and I won’t until I ask.  Will You help me to be You to her?  To offer comfort, to let her pain out, to be her friend?  

I don’t even know if I should try, Lord!  If the situations were reversed, how would I feel about someone like me intruding in my time of sorrow?  Would I welcome it or would I shun it?  Oh Father!  This is so hard!  Meddler or helper?  Busybody or somebody:  somebody who knows what it’s like to hurt, to be victimized, to be considered as the bad one?  Sigh.  

I lift my eyes to You, Lord.  Help me, please, in the name of Christ I pray.  Amen.

How You Doin'?

If you’re an avid television watcher, you probably have watched several episodes of “Friends.”  Between Ross, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and the oh-so-lovable Joey, many of us would spend our Thursday evenings with this group and imagine that we too had a special affinity with our own circle of peeps.

One of the most quoted lines from “Friends” would have to be Joey’s “How you doin’?”  These words would be uttered to women he found attractive and wanted to get to know better.  Usually they were combined with an interested smile and twinkle in Joey’s eyes.  The effect could be devastating or disastrous, depending on what the writers of the show were striving for in that episode.

Yesterday, I met my own Joey.  Sort of.  Okay, he really wasn’t anything like Joey except for his concern for his fellow man.  As our buggies met in the crafting aisle at Walmart, he immediately caught my attention.  Talk about a cutie!  Of course I had to initiate a conversation and I’ll summarize it here (otherwise this blog would get too wordy and we wouldn’t want that to happen, now would we?).

“Hello!  You sure are cute” I said.  “Are you getting that so you can paint some rocks?”  

He responded and then he asked me how I was.  I told him I was a little sleepy after having had lunch just a bit ago and wondered if he liked to take naps too.  Oh, now before your minds start going places they shouldn’t, let me clarify something:  this handsome fella was all of eighteen.  Months, that is.  Ha ha!  Got you!  Shame on you for thinking such illicit thoughts!

Anyway, as is customary for us Southerners, I returned his question to him and asked him how he was?  His response?  “I’m doin’.”

I’m doin’?!

What kind of response was that?  I wondered.  I pondered.  And then I appreciated.  After all, there was no pretense there.  No social niceties of saying that of course, I’m fine, while internally lying and hoping no one notices the falseness of the reply.  No whining, either, about how awful his life was, how his parents wouldn’t buy him this, nor that he felt like that.  Just two simple words:  I’m doin’.

He taught me a lesson.  Keep it simple.  Stick to the facts.  When someone asks about you and you don’t want to lie, don’t want attention, and don’t want pity, just use these words.  Because, quite frankly, sometimes that’s all that we are really capable of, isn’t it?  To just do.  To just be.  To just keep putting one foot in front of the other.  To stand when we are at our wits’ ends but still believing that somehow, somewhere, Someone is not going to let us fall.  

Thank You, Lord, for kids.  Thank You for simple truths that have such profound effects on my daily walk.  Thank You for keeping me upright and fixed when my eyes stay on You.  I’m doin’, Father.  I’m trying to do what You called me to do and yes, there are happy times when all seems well and sometimes there are sad times when I need all the help I can get but refuse to ask for.  

Thank You for providing others in my life for times when I need a little extra.  May I be a Joey, Lord, as I endeavor to befriend my fellow man and genuinely care about the responses to when I question about others’ well- being?  I want to be.  I want to be a doer, Father.  Will You help me?  I ask these things in the name of Christ Jesus, Who already did it all.  Amen.  

That's What Friends Are For!

Two are better than one, because...if either of them falls down, one can help the other up.

Last night was a time of affirmation.  Let me rephrase that:  last night was a time of much-needed affirmation!

I’ve been in a rut lately and my soul has been burdened.  While it’s nice to be able to share these things with the hubby, I was able yesterday to speak with two folks who really got me.  I mean, they didn’t just nod their heads in understanding while looking for the nearest exit.  They not only confirmed my feelings but had nearly equal ones in response!  Do you know how good that feels--to know you aren’t crazy, to know that while your spouse agrees with you because, after all, you’ve been married so long that your thoughts often mirror the others’, and to know that all things work together for good?  If you don’t, my hope is that you will be able to go out on that limb and risk it.  Either you’ll break the tree because your weight is too much for it or you’ll find that when Christ is the vine and we are the branches, love covers all.  Rooted and grounded in Him, we can remain steadfast.

Let’s pray!

Dear Lord, thank You for brothers and sisters in Christ who are there when needed.  Thank You for the fellowship, the compassion, and the love You placed in our hearts towards each other, in spite of the world trying to convince us that we are on our own.  We aren’t.

Father?  My heart is still heavy and while it was nice to share, the answers weren’t there.  These friends didn’t have them, as they too were searching for the best avenue to take.  Will You help us--both individually and corporately--to keep seeking Your Word to find what we need?  Thanks.

Lastly, Lord, I pray for those out there who feel alone, uncared for, unheard.  I ask that You send someone their way to see their souls, to hear what’s not being said, and to respond to the cries for help that don’t make it past the eyes.  I ask these things in the name of Christ Jesus, my Redeemer and my Advocate.  Amen.

What is it about her?

Today's picture has been provided by my new friend Anne Payne. For more inspiration from her and her photos, visit here:  http://annepayne.blogspot.com

Let me tell you a thing or two, by the way, about Anne. Let's start with how we met. Well, hmn, wait a minute, Stef. Our paths crossed via Facebook. I had heard of Anne via my friend Charmeyne. Lastly, I finally met Anne in church a couple of Sundays ago as she visited with us at Clarks Chapel. Our souls instantly connected and we hugged as if lifelong friends. But there's only so much you can do in a moment of fellowship so I did what any other normal (??!) red-blooded woman would do: I stalked her Facebook page when I got home!

If you think I am kidding, you would be wrong. Now, before you judge and write me off as bat-crazy, let's talk about this. Why do people have Facebook pages anyway? Mmn hmn: to let the world know about their lives. The pics they post, the notes they write, the comments that make all work together to give the outside world an inside view of what makes this person who s/he is.

So, the more I "peeked" the more my curiosity was piqued. Her photos caught my eye and as I viewed them, I noticed Anne had another site so, of course, I went there and got to know even more about this beautiful woman who was fast stealing a place into my heart. After reading a few of her posts and intruding into her life, I sent her a note, telling her I just had to know more! Thankfully, she didn't call 911 on me and instead, we met for lunch later that week. We spent nearly six hours together as we chatted, laughed, and shared things with one another that we both rarely have opened up to others about.

Yesterday and the day before, I blogged about sharing your talents so that others would be interested in you and why you create what you share. I want to encourage you again today, friends, to keep sharing. I want you to keep doodling in your Bible journals and letting us see little pieces of your hearts there. I want you to keep writing your thoughts down--chaotic as they may be--so that we get an insight into your soul. When something annoys you or makes you mad, I want you to express that so that we care enough to go deeper and figure out why that particular thing had such an impact on you.

I had this blog planned out last night and this is not exactly where I thought I'd go. I was going to point out to you various famous people who--through whatever skills and talents they had--caught our attention and made us want to know them more. Celebrity is intriguing and most of us have that certain someone that when we hear his/her name, drop everything to listen to the latest gossip about that one. I was going to use as my examples folks like Stephen Curry, Chris Pratt, Madison Bumgarner, Denzel Washington, and a few others. Most of us are familiar with these names yet when these guys are studied, we find that not only are they talented--okay, and they aren't hard on the eyes either ;)-- but that they attribute their success to our great God. Using the world as their platforms, they do what they are best at and when others notice them and begin getting to know their backgrounds, they then have the opportunity to share Christ with the world.

Okay, these men are not preachers and don't claim to be "Christians" as their job titles. Instead, they are regular Joes who go in and out each day, doing their jobs, and living lives that invite others to want to know them better. That special quality that they have, that certain je ne sais quoi factor? I think you know what it is. I think you know Who placed it there.

To sum it all up, here's my point. If you share your skills, talents, and gifts with others--even if only through social media--you allow others the opportunity to get to know you better. You quietly express a personality trait that draws man unto you. Whether it's because you teach disabled students and do so with much respect for those special people or whether it's because you paint murals that others ooh and ahh over or even if it's just because you check out your customers in stores, restaurants, and even at call-centers, you do so each time with courtesy and kindness and even though you may NEVER ONCE MENTION THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST, your actions speak. Softly. Gently. Convincingly and with conviction.

So, keep shining, friends. Keep letting that glory peep out of you. Be famous and unashamed of your talents for they often are the stepping stone that leads others to a closer walk with Jesus. Open those consignment stores and let those who can't afford the things of the world at full price to be sold at prices that reflect fairness and dignity. Bake those cakes and let others see the time is not wasted as you mix, stir, and pray over the ones who will be consuming them. Be the one who keeps doing the work behind the scenes for I assure you, it is being seen and appreciated and noted. Lastly, remember this prayer:

The Lord bless thee, and keep thee:
The Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee:
The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.

Thanks for reading today! That is all. wink emoticon