...the thoughts and intents of the heart

Sigh.  What went wrong?  I did everything exactly the way the recipe called for.  I softened my butter; let my eggs adjust to room temperature.  One couldn't ask for a more beautiful day with no humidity to stir things up.  How could my recipe fail and turn out to look like this?

I was so full of good intentions for my chocolate pound cake.  I was going to make each of the gals in Card Ministry one and they were just going to ooh and ahh over my skills.  Later, when my daughter and grandsons come for suppers, they were going to be dazzled by its lusciousness and beg that we have "dessert before supper Tuesday" instead of the usual Thursday.  Yes, these pound cakes were going to be the highlight of each soul's who got a piece day.

But...look:  just look at this crumbled mess.  If you were in my house, you would smell the burnt junk that overflowed in the oven and smoked up my house so that I had to open windows and hope the fire alarm wouldn't go off.  Even the dogs didn't come running for this tasteless meal from Granny's house.

Sigh.

But, as I ran the knife over the stuck-on gooiness and (of course) tasted a few of the crumbs, guess what?  It was still good!  Not a total disaster and there's no way on earth I would take my lady friends their very own individual one but...My grandsons aren't as particular.  If it's chocolate, they'll eat it!  {Aside:  my gals at Card Ministry aren't judgmental about stuff.  I just love them so much I only want them to have my best.}

As I reviewed what went wrong, I realized that I had used the wrong type of flour.  Self-rising.  Mmn hmn:  no wonder it was all over the place. My stove will need a good cleaning; my baking dishes an extra-good scrubbing.  Dad burn it!  My best laid plans waylayed by self-rising flour!  Ugh!

Isn't it great though that like this dessert, God can make beauty from our ashes?  Like I said, the cake wasn't a total loss and the flavor is a good one.  To a hungry kid, it may be the prettiest thing he sees all day!  While I made the mistake of using the wrong flour, the rest of the ingredients somehow pulled together to make some semblance of an edible treat.  The mistakes I make in my life, not coincidentally, can also be made aright with the touch of the Master's Hand.  When my best efforts fall short, He can still blend my heart's intentions to align with His purpose and create something good.  Now that's something to chew on!

Let's pray!

Dear Lord, thank You for another life lesson via my baking time a little while ago.  As I was mixing all of the staples together and marveling at how nicely they smoothed together, I considered the things in my life that go into a big mixing pot and come together for good.  Some things--like the cocoa--are bitter and some are just necessary--like the flour.  But when the sugar is added?  And the flavorings?  Oh, how wonderful the mixture tastes!  

May I sop up Your Words, Your Truths, and Your lessons as eagerly as I did the big blue bowl's leftovers, Father.  And when You put me through the fire?  I hope I will have some goodness that doesn't burn in the heat.  Through Jesus' righteousness, I will at least have one part right!  Amen.

The Chosen One

Spoiled. Brat. Rotten. The favorite.

Rotten to the core? Spoiled brat!

Hey now: let's not call names! The first three were okay but to be rotten to my core, to where Jesus is--and make no mistake, He's there. You just have to get around a lot of flesh to find Him.

In all seriousness, I have never felt highly favored by a parent in my life. Or by a teacher. Or as a leader or contributor to a class, project, or the like. But lately, lately I have begun to see myself through a different set of eyes and you know what? I like them! I like those eyes that see my best, my true intentions, and my desire to please. I like those eyes that look ahead of me and keep me from danger. Those eyes that scope out my pathway before I even trod on it. The eyes that behold the beauty, checking it over for one last look, before presenting itself to me. Ahh yes, those are the eyes I like to be seen through.

Case in point. Last night was date night for Steve and me. We had it all planned. Supper at The Pie Hole and then we were going to the Mimosa 7 to see the new Risen Movie. As we pulled up to the restaurant, I remarked how I hoped those sprinkles would hold off until we finished eating and got to the movie without getting drenched. "It's one thing to go home bedraggled but quite another to sit through the movie all soaking wet," I told my hubby. After explaining what bedraggled meant, we then enjoyed our pizza and made our way back to town as the raindrops once again began in earnest.

"Oh, wouldn't it be so nice if the Lord gave us an upfront parking spot" I asked Steve. "We are His favorites, you know."

I'm such a princess, huh? Well, as we made our way down the street, it didn't appear that that was going to be the case so I pulled into the left lane and put Celine in park when, lo and behold, to our right, there it was: an upfront parking spot! As traffic cleared, I made my way over, hoping to dodge those raindrops that were still thinking about giving me a shower (and it not even Saturday night! ). Ta da! Mission accomplished. We made it inside with little fanfare, little wetness, and happy hearts.

"Wow, Stef, I'll bet once you got inside, you gave God your highest praises for treating you so royally, didn't you."

I'm embarrassed to admit it but, no I did not. I murmured a hasty "Thanks, God" and went on my merry way to the popcorn counter.

But it bothered me. Through the movie and through the night and on the drive to Morganton again today, I was reminded of how my Lord treats me like such a princess and I? I am rotten. A brat. Spoiled by His goodness. For you see, had He not made the way clear last night, don't you think I would have spent a lot more time, chewing His ear off as to why He hadn't let us get into the movie dryly so we could enjoy it better? Don't you think on the drive home with the heat blasting as I tried to dry off that I would be uttering some not so nice things as to why I was so persecuted and couldn't even enjoy my date night without something trying to ruin it?

Oh my.

Zephaniah 3:17 states that "...He will take great delight in you..."

What a kind Father we have! What a wonderful Dad to take care of His ungrateful kids. What love He has bestowed upon us to call us His own. Funny thing I noticed the other day. You know in the Bible where it talks about...well, never mind: read it for yourselves ;) from Mark 10: 

“Truly I tell you,” Jesus replied, “no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—along with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life."

For much of my life I thought I'd get a new family but...do you see it? I didn't until the other day, though I've read this passage numerous times. I will get brothers, sisters, and mothers but...Do you see it now? No mention of a new father. Hmn hmn hmn. Why? Pretty obvious if you ask me (although yes, it has taken me 52 years to see it). We don't get a new dad 'cause we already have the best Father ever. Period.

So, the next time you see me and I'm acting a bit puffed up and full of myself, remember this: while God loves you, I am His favorite! Kidding! Sort of. He loves me as if I was His only one. He does you this way too. Makes us pretty special, huh, if even we do smell a little rotten once in a while. ;)

Let's pray!

Dear Fa--, no Dear Dad. Daddy. Ooh, that's a tough word for me to write, Lord God. To think of You as my Daddy, my Protector, the One Who will indeed grant me the desires of my heart is a tough concession for me to make. Not because You have failed, oh no. But, You and I both know the faults and failures of my earthly father and Lord? You are so much different, so much better than He ever was or dreamt of being!

How I love You! Not just because You kept me dry last night and gave me the prime parking spot. Not just because You take such good care of me and grant me so many wishes and not because You have given me the three best grandsons, husband, daughter, and SIL. I love You because...because I didn't know how to love before You came along, Daddy. I didn't know how to express my feelings without thinking they had to be bartered for and begged upon to be validated.

I love You, God, for this and for so much more. Thank You for allowing me to see me as You do: not perfect, not a brat. But definitely as Your favored child. I cannot wait to see You and better express my delight in having You as my Father! The taste You have given to me now is sweet and oh Lord: I crave more of it. When my soul is resting in Your presence, I'll be satisfied. Until then, though, please keep looking out for me, looking ahead for me, and seeing within me the righteousness of Your Son Jesus. May I be ever more like Him is my prayer. Amen.

PS: in case you, like my sweet hubby, don't know the definition for bedraggled, Webster defines it as this: wet or dirty from being in rain or mud. Now you know!

Are you a shameful sinner or a sorry saint?

Huh?  What kind of question is that?  A "shameful sinner"--what does that even mean?  And "sorry saint"?  Please explain!

Okay, since you asked, I will.  First though, let's simplify things a little.  In the course of this blog, I will refer to shameful sinners as "ss" and sorry saints as "SS" so that I won't have to repeat those phrases so much.

There's a difference between being ashamed about something and having sorrow over it.  Steve and I have been pondering this for a couple of days now and so apparently, has our good friend James MacDonald.  Throw in incidences from our grandsons, our selves, and worldly issues and it's been quite the wandering event going on here, as you can see in this picture.

Why do we teach our children to say "I'm sorry" when an infraction has occurred?  Sure, we want them to be polite.  We want them to acknowledge another's pain.  We think they need to learn how to behave better.  But what about when they have to apologize but...but they aren't really sorry?  Gulp.  I mean, sure, maybe it could have been handled differently but to be sorry when deep inside we are glad we did what we did?  After all, didn't that one have it coming to him/her?  I have found in trying to teach this lesson that it can go into a barrage of guilt and shame in trying to make one child apologize to the other when I could see his heart was not in it.

Ahh, the heart.  The heart that controls our emotions, our feelings, and our deepest desires.  Heads?  Heads teach us reason, to rationalize, and to mandate to society.  Hearts though are special, tender, and stubborn.  To admit we were the one who was wrong, that it was our poor choices that led to this climax, and that we are then the ones who have to humble ourselves?  Hmn hmn hmn.  That's when things can get tricky.

Let's switch gears a moment and talk about shame.  Shame too involves our feelings but the key here is that that is what it's about:  our feelings.  Me.  Mine.  Shame is often internalized and while we may battle its effects, it's a private battle that we let few (if any) in on.  We can have disgust at ourselves, at our tendencies to do wrong things--and make no mistake:  we know they are wrong.  Shame hides in the dark (hmn hmn hmn) and hopes no one finds out its ugliness.  Shame doesn't want others to know of our embarrassments over our fetishes and foolishnesses but when the truth comes out?  Oh my.  Shame has two choices then.  It can either say "The world accepts this behavior.  Who are you to judge?"  Or, it can lead to to sorrow, godly sorrow, that leads to repentance.

Can you be sorry without shame?  I don't think so.  Can you have shame without being sorry?  Definitely.  While ss like to keep things hidden, SS have to outwardly express their wrongs.  They are brought into the light and dealt with there.  Shame has turned into "not judging" and "accepting the sin" rather than the sinner, as many of us were taught.  Thanks to society, many sins that are daily committed are not even classified as being wrong anymore.  Instead, they are embraced, welcomed, and glorified even.  My friends, this ought not to be so!

We all have tendencies within us to do evil.  The difference is when we act upon them.  When we justify them and make them right in our own eyes, we are headed for trouble.  Things like homosexuality, murder, vindication, adultery, stealing, cheating, lying.  Oh be careful Stef:  you are about to step on some toes!  Yeah, mine are pretty sore themselves because I am certainly not sinless.  Jesus taught us that if we look upon another with lust that we have already committed adultery in our hearts.    He taught us to love our neighbors as ourselves and I'll tell you what:  there are some of my neighbors that I would bend over backwards to help out at any given moment.  But then there are some that...well, it'd be tough for me to love them without a lot of assistance from the Good Lord.  So, you see, I am far from perfect myself, friends.  Have you ever heard the expression "some folks just need killin'"?  Yeah, it's hard for ol' Stef to wait on the promised vengeance that is God's.  Let's not even talk about the things my mind conjures up to help Him out in that department.

To conclude and hopefully bring this blog into some semblance of sense, we are all sinners.  We all fall short of the glory of God.  We all need a Saviour.  Christ Jesus is the Final Authority:  not the government, not society, and not the Constitution which has been rewritten.  The Holy Bible is full of men with faults who had a choice to make--just like you and I do.  Will we be shameful sinners and hope our sins don't get found out or will we repent, will we return to God, and will we humble ourselves and admit our failures?  Sorry Saints are in the light and their difference from shameful sinners is that they went the next step.  For you see, ss know that what they are doing is wrong.  They aren't kidding themselves.  They cry out to God for Him to take away this burden but they don't go the next step, the step that SS do:  they don't turn from their sin.  They keep on practicing it.  They don't intend to stop.  SS, on the other hand (and please pardon the pun), will cut off their arms, pluck out their eyes, and flee from evil in their repentance.  Whatever it takes, they will do to be right with God.  Relationship with Christ is their hearts' desire above all, above the selfish desires of self.  What God says versus what they want is their intention.  

So, what are you sorry for today?  Did you commit that act on purpose?  What do you feel deep shame over--or maybe just minor shame since we really aren't that bad?  (Ahem)  Will pride, guilt, and selfishness keep you from Christ or cause you to run to Him?  He's standing there, with arms wide open, to welcome you back.  He loves you in your sin, oh yes but...but He cannot allow you to continue in it and expect that He accepts it because you and Him have an "understanding" that the Bible was written for everyone else except you.  Repentance was defined as being "a recognition of sin followed by heartfelt sorrow culminating in a change of behavior" in James MacDonald's messages recently.  Do you need to change your behavior today, loved ones?  

Sigh.

Let's pray.

Well, Lord, here I go again, preaching to the choir.  Sigh.  You know the depths of my sins, Father, and the things I fight against giving into.  You know my pride, my sense of feeling I am the right one while it's mostly everyone else who is wrong.  You know my shame, oh my shame, Father, over things I have done and truthfully, often still think about doing.  

I need a cleansing, Lord.  A detoxification.  It's me, again, oh Lord, who stands in the need of prayer.  As my heart continues to war with my head, with my flesh, with my society, please stay in the forefront of my mind.  It's surely a battlefield up there, God, and I keep forgetting to put on my whole armor.  I keep forgetting that like the impotent man, I have no man to do this for me.  It's me.  My choices and my decisions.  My want to get up and walk or my desire to stay in the pigsty like the prodigal son.  

Thank You for giving me the option to rise, Lord.  With my hand in Yours, I will not stumble.  Hold me tight, I pray!  In the name of Jesus, amen.