Might as well jump!

This may be one of the shortest blogs I will ever write. Got a minute? Great!

Today I saw a post from an old friend of mine that supports the rights of those who are against this LGBT fluff that is going on here in North Carolina. Proudly, I shared it but now, as I sit here and ponder the implications of that, I wonder: will this woman stay on the verge of expressing her beliefs, will she jump forth with all she has, or will she cower and back down? No offense towards her, because I wonder the same things about myself.

When on the verge, friends, of taking a stand, will we be bold and stand or will we cower and/or crawl backwards, letting our fears (of society, of the wrath of others, or of being labeled as fanatics) override our senses? It's easy to do things when only a few are looking but when we are in the spotlight, put to the test, and asked to prove our beliefs, will we? Will we do the right thing in the eyes of Jesus or will we continue on blindly in the world's views?

Let's pray!

Dear Lord, thank You for those who are unafraid and unashamed to walk with You. Not behind You, nor from afar as the disciples did when You were arrested and sent to trial but with You, Jesus. Help us all to be bold, to be fearless but with sense, and mostly, Lord Jesus, to reflect You in all that we do. In Your holy name I ask this. Amen.

The Bridge That Still Burns

I don't want to write this blog today. It's kind of like taking a bandage off of a wound and wondering how much it will bleed. Better to leave it covered, right? For even just taking a little peek will open my mind up to the covered injury there whereas if I leave the band-aid in place, yes, the sore is still there but...but I don't have to deal with it.

But it's too late. It's been itching lately and if I don't scratch it, I'm liable to go mad. Too many reminders are out there that it exists and each day--as if I could ever forget--the hits just keep on coming.

Today I got the news that a friend of mine's mother passed last night. Finally, for she has been suffering for a while and we all knew her days were numbered. Lois knew her end was near and my friend was able to spend a lot of quality time with her mom before this was to take place. Though I barely knew her mom, Lois' reputation was solid. She sounded like one of those characters you might see on a sitcom, full of wit and wisdom, sarcasm, and didn't take life so seriously. I know Brenda will miss her greatly.

And then there's another friend of mine, Gloria. She lost her mom two weeks ago, after an extended illness. Like Brenda, she knew the end was near and was able to spend countless hours with her mom, as well as her dad, and create memories that will bring her some comfort through the rest of her life.

I envy these women. While the situations mirror those of my own mother, I didn't have the relationship with mine that they did with theirs. The last time I saw Momma alive was two months before the cancer finally consumed her. The gulf was so vast between us then and there was this one final opportunity for her to cross the bridge and come back to my side but...She chose not to. She left me behind, again, setting the bridge on fire, and now as I ache with these friends of mine, my hurts are just as real and just as painful as that day. You'd think after three and a half years, they would have subsided but no. That burn is still there, covered for the most part, until something bumps it and makes it throb all over again.

Sigh.

I'm not sure how to conclude this blog today or what I am really even saying other than love hurts. Love scars. It stings; it mars. But it also loves beyond conflicts, over family squabbles, and will never fail. I have this promise from Jesus and I am clinging to it now with tear-filled eyes. The loss of a parent is devastating. One never really gets over it. The loss of any loved one is tremendous and the effects forever lasting. But there's hope. For some. For those who love Jesus more than self, there is a promised reunion rather than an eternal separation. Reconciliations and forgiveness still go on so for those of you who are facing the death of someone you love--or maybe even your own--so I encourage you... No, I beg of you: make it right. Make sure of your own salvation first and foremost. That is crucial and the better part. Swallow your pride and forget the past and its miseries. The present is what matters and it's all we've got. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us so again, make things right today with those whom you've wronged and/or been wronged by. The cost is too extreme when you don't.

Let's pray.

Dear Lord, as my heart aches for my lady friends whose moms are gone, I'm not sure how to reach out to comfort them. For if I go and commiserate with them and offer the platitude of "knowing how you feel" it's a lie, because my relationship with my mother was less than desired. If I go to them and just hold their hands or them, my grief over my own loss might consume me and I don't want this to be about me when they are the ones whose pain is so fresh. That's why I have avoided Gloria, as You know, because my sore spot with my mom is so raw. I don't want to weep with those who mourn because I want this part of my life that is in my past to stay there.

Oh God! Help me to be a good friend and when the time is right and I can handle my own emotions and focus on them and their heartbreaks, then let me reach out to these ladies.

Lastly, I ask that You make Yourself real to people today in a bigger way that they cannot avoid, cannot put off. Send something to remind them that eternity may be just a breath away and theirs needs to be secure. May their--and my own--eyes focus on You and see this life is not about us and what we get from it but rather that it's all about You, Lord God, and what we do to reflect You.

In the name of Jesus, I cry out to You. Heal our hurts, Lord, so that we may better serve You is my prayer. Amen.

Can Good People Go To Heaven?

Can good people go to heaven?  I'm serious!  Can those who have been good for as long as they can remember actually make it to heaven?

No.

What?!  What in the world are you writing to us today, Stef?  What kind of blasphemy is this?

It's not a lie, friends.  But I'm afraid too many people I know have become a victim of it.  For you see, you have to be a sinner to be saved.  And from what I am witnessing lately, too many of those close to me are just too good.  They haven't horrible pasts nor skeletons lurking in their closets.  They have lived a good and upright life:  going to church weekly, staying faithful to one person, raising the required 2.5 kids.  They go to work without fail.  They pay all of their bills and are model citizens, voting in each election, attending all of the right meetings and conferences that are community related.  They keep their yards meticulously, their cars without dirt, and their smiles are always in place as they call out to me when I see them on the streets, in the stores, next door.  What's best yet is often they also come from perfect parents who never drank, swore, nor cheated and...you guessed it:  they have themselves reproduced perfect children who are the bedrock of the schools, the star athletes, the A students, the chorus and band standouts.  None of these would know sin if it came up, introduced itself, and declared it had been hiding behind their facades so that they would be fooled into thinking they ever had need of a Saviour.

Oh come on Stef!  If these folks were bad, don't you think they'd repent?  That they'd confess?  I mean, after all--as you stated above--they are in church every time the doors are opened.  Don't you think if they were lost, they'd know it by now?  Do you not believe the Word of God has been preached to them and at some point It convicted them and they made a profession of faith?

No.  Sigh.  I don't.

I do think that yes, the Word has been preached to them.  Yes, they made a profession of faith, got baptized, joined their family's church (ahem), and live their lives without blemish and their reputations are soild.  Wait: my fingers typed the wrong word.  That should be "solid" but... Freudian slip, perhaps?  "Soild" looks a lot like "soiled" doesn't it?  Hmn.  Makes me wonder if these wonderful saints have ever been tainted, have ever been sullied by the world, and if--yes, I'm going to say it again--if they have ever sinned.

Just as a doctor cannot heal you until you admit you are sick, a Saviour cannot redeem you until you acknowledge you are lost.  When I feel good, you will not find me at the Urgent Care center seeking treatment.  I don't go there to have my blood pressure monitored because I don't have issues with it.  I don't routinely visit the Cancer Centers because I am not suffering from this debilitating disease (thank God!).  You won't find me at the hospital either, undergoing scans and tests because, you see, I am healthy.  However, when you do examine me, you will see me often at the House of God.  You will find me actively participating in the sermons and lessons as I write down notes and thoughts that I later follow up on.  You will often hear me (sorry, but it's true) lifting my voice in songs of praise and petitions.  You can visit me in my Pretty Purple Room and see my Bible opened to a new page almost every day (and no, it's not because it's in front of a window and the breeze changes the pages).  Lastly, you will hear me at night with my husband, praying, pondering, and pleading for more knowledge, more wisdom, temperance, and help.  So much help.  Why?  Because I am a sinner.  Not "was" a sinner but "am" a sinner.  In my own self, I am beyond wretched and my condition can only be treated by the Great Physician Who long ago called me to Himself.  

I had to admit I needed Him.  I couldn't help but share with Jesus how awful I had been and how I was afraid would continue to be bad without some help.  I had to tell Him that in my own self I was helpless, lost, and without hope.  And then?  Then it was easy!  I just had to accept His pardon.  I just had to realize Christ Jesus was in control and that my life was not about what He could do to clean me up:  it was instead what He could do to mold me into His image so that others to could come to a saving knowledge that they too were--are!!--in need of Him as well.

Let me back up a moment and reiterate that it wasn't "easy" to let go of me.  In parts.  I had a lot of baggage that I kept trying to carry into this new relationship but you know what?  I didn't need those clothes of despair!  I didn't need the trunks of broken dreams and unrealized hopes.  I didn't need the letters of reminders of who I used to be for I was now a new creation.  Lastly, I didn't need those chips on my shoulder that I was carrying around and being weighed down by.  They kept me stooped over when my eyes only needed to be on Jesus.  So... eventually, I let them go.  It would have been easier had I (like Brother Matthew aka Levi, The Tax Collector) just left it all behind without a second glance and joyfully accepted the new life, the forgiveness of my sins, and not rehashed them all with Christ through the next several years.  I tend to be a little slow sometimes and refuse to take help when I am too stubborn to think that I need any.  Or too prideful.  Or don't want to put someone out with my problems.  

Do you see where I am going, friends?  If not, let my try to sum it up here.  

1. I am not a saint.
2. I am a sinner.
3. I can not save myself.
4. I need salvation, forgiveness, and sanctification.
5. Jesus offered it to me.
6. I accepted!
7. I have been redeemed!

Let's pray!

Lord, please make a message out of this jumbled mess of thoughts of mine and use these words to let others know--to know, Lord!--that none of us are good.  Yes, in our own selves, we try to live lives that are blameless and we do our best to not cause waves and to be humble and quiet and mind our own business.  But Lord?  Lord, even if we do all of this, there is still need for You.  There, sadly, is still sin in our lives.  We can't escape it and we lie and fool ourselves if we think we are above it.

Help us to constantly be aware, Father God, that were we so good then You wouldn't have had to watch Your Son die such a violent and obscene death.  Easter was celebrated yesterday.  Don't let us wait another year to think of this tremendous sacrifice and contemplate the sinners around us but rather, Lord, help us to acknowledge the sin that so easily besets us on a daily basis.  Help us to see it's me, it's me, it's ME oh Lord.  I am the one who cost You Your Son.  It was my wickedness and pride and sin that made His crucifixion necessary.  

Thank You for this unspeakable gift of redemption, Father.  Thank You for saving me at Christ's expense.  Amazing love, how can it be, that You my King would die for me?  

Sigh.

 In the name of Jesus Christ, I again claim this gift and thank You so much for it.  Amen.