Martha, Martha

{Today's blog is deeply personal and is written as I ponder the extreme pain of a friend who gave in to the lies of the devil. Why? Why, when she was surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses did she fall? The Lord had brought her out of this mess on more than one occasion and yet...yet she fell down again.

Her fall is my opportunity to rise, to do better, to be better. Father, open my eyes, my ears, my heart to those who are hurting around me that seem to have it all together, that look okay on the outside. May I look more deeply, Lord, to see if there is a need I can assist with. In the name of Jesus, I pray this. Amen.}

But the Lord answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things..."

In the past, I have often taken the "ye" out of a Bible verse and replaced it with my own name.  However, the scripture I will be referencing today--Luke 10:41--already has the correct name in it although I am sure by the time I finish this blog, mine will need to go where hers is.  Maybe you too will find yourself there.

Sigh.  The cares of this world.  How they overwhelm us--in spite of our best intentions.  We keep telling ourselves if we stay busy, if we read enough, sing enough, attend church and religious functions enough that somehow we will be okay.  And oh the shows we put on!  The pretty smiles, the joyful praises that come from our lips, the testimonies of what the Lord has done for us.  And they are sincere, oh no sir:  no doubt about the honesty of them.  Our salvation is secure and we rejoice in that but...

But then comes time to go home.  The house is empty.  The walls close in.  The memories come, as do the devil's demons.  Taunting us of "better days."  Reminding us of "all of those good times" while somehow erasing the times that weren't so good.  So, we try to distract ourselves, read a book, play some music, watch some tv.  And then it continues:  those voices, those images, those thoughts.  

We reach for the chips but they don't satisfy.  We reach for our Bibles but for some reason they just don't seem as effective as they did when in the group study.  We pray for deliverance but feel like they are unheard and unanswered.  We tell ourselves we're just being silly, that God does love us, and that He will fix this brokenness inside.  And we wait for Him to do so.  And we wait.  And we keep smiling, keep hoping, and keep coming back to that empty place where those demons are because we find some comfort in their companionship.  At least we aren't alone, right, when they are there to accuse, to cajole us into former habits, and to take our eyes off of God?  Instead of being still and knowing, we doubt.  We fear.  We ache.  

We cave.  Maybe just once we go back to those old ways and addictions we used to forget.  The guilt is overwhelming but...but for a moment, one tiny moment, we forgot.  We didn't hurt.  The allure overtakes us and the next time, and then the next, and the next all blur into one mindless attempt to not feel and yet, yet the pain still comes.  What to do??  "If it feels good, do it" the devil whispers in our ears.  "It's only one time more:  what can it hurt?"

The cycle continues until one day we realize we've fallen into that pit again.  But, it took so long to get there that we truly thought we were okay.  I mean, no one noticed the difference in us when we were using, right?  We must've hid it pretty well, otherwise surely someone would have known, would have called us on it, would have smelled the alcohol on our breath, noticed those extra pounds, would have seen the tracks and/or burns on our arms, would have seen that there was something off in our mannerisms.  Surely to God someone would have seen we were on the precipice, as off-balance as one can get, and surely someone would have reached out a hand to save us.  Right??



Oh my friends, how guilty I feel at this moment.  The ones I sit next to on the pews or shake hands with during fellowship or avoid at the end of the service 'cause they're always wanting to talk my ears off or are whining about something.  The ones I pass in the stores or work with on a daily basis.  The ones I live with and the ones I profess to being friends with.  Am I?  Am I their sister in Christ, their sister in the flesh, their friend?  If so, how can they hurt this deeply and me be so blind to it?

But the Lord answered and said to her, "Stefanie, Stefanie, you are worried and bothered about so many things..."

Yes, Lord, I am.  

Do you remember the rest of this passage, child?  "..but few things are needed--or indeed only one."

But God? Sometimes I do sit at Your feet.  Sometimes I do just sit and ponder on how great You are and all that You have saved me from.  But Lord?  Lord, I still feel so alone, still feel those awful hurts that are still jabbing inside of me.  Sometimes I still feel the fury, the hate, the love, the sadness, the loss...  And I know people get tired of hearing me talk about it.  I see their eyes glaze over when I come near.  I see them dismiss me before I even get a word out.  I know they are just hoping I'll go away and leave them alone.

Oh child, I know.  I know!  Your struggles are real and more than they, I know how your heart aches.  I know your strength is waning and you must, you must rely totally on Me.  Those drugs, that alcohol, food, sex, shopping, gambling, and other things you use to distract can never take the place of Me.  You must surrender all, ALL to Me.  Only then can I heal you.  Only then can release and relief be found.  Only then can you be made whole.  Will You trust Me, child, once and for all?  Will you trust that I will--and want--to fix those broken areas of your life?  Will you turn to Me in complete trust, faith, and take My yoke upon you?  I won't let you down, love.  Let these things go and hold onto Me.  Surrender and be saved from the madness.  

Oh Lord, I want to!  I need help.  I need Your help!  I need...You.

That's why I am here, child.  I love you and you are Mine.  Nothing can pluck you from My hand.  Are you ready to hold on to it, to hold on to Me?

Paid in Full

Last weekend, I had lunch with some family members to celebrate the hub's and his aunt's birthdays.  The date had been set well in advance.  The place was chosen.  The time was set.  Guests were invited and we even had two more unexpectedly but happily show up.  

The meal was prepared and the anticipation was at its peak as it soon was time for the presents to be handed out.  Even ones whose special day it was not supposed to be received gifts.  The cake was candled, the ♫Happy Birthday♪ song sung, said candles were blown out after wishes were made, cake was passed around and devoured, and then came the climax of the event:  the waitress brought the check.

Virginia had already whispered to me that she and my uncle wanted to pay.  I whispered back "Had I known that I would have ordered the steak!"  It was all fun and games until it was time to settle up.  I distracted our aunt and grabbed the check, because I wanted to pay.  After all, it was her special day--and my hubby's--and too often they have bought our dinners and suppers.  

While I've known this woman for over thirty years, that day I saw Virginia do something I had never seen her do before:  she got up and stormed off.  I was mortified!  She has always been peaceful and peace loving, always avoided conflict of any kind, and again, I was dumbfounded.  I quickly interrupted the other end of the table where Steve was, told him what had happened, and he immediately went to see to her.  His cousin just kind of watched it all, seeming nonplussed about it, and I sat there, miserable, and wondering how this was all going to turn out.

Fast forward to yesterday's morning Bible Study.  The topic was sacrifice and the girls and I discussed some of the things Christ gave up so that we could one day be with Him.  God too had a date prepared for a  life-changing event.  He invited many to come.  He presented His Son as the present, and the preparations were all in order.  Imagine His hurt, His dismay, His disappointment when the guests did not arrive.  Feel His betrayal as many tried to pay their own way instead of accepting what was freely being offered. See the dismay in His eyes as the guests grumbled amongst one another over who was really the special one there.  In great anticipation this meal had been prepared.  But...but what if in His righteous anger, His holy disappointment, His refusal to accept others trying to pay for something that only He could, what if He--what if He too walked away?  What if He'd said He'd been planning this all along and this was what gave Him pleasure and that He wanted to do this for His children whom He loved and instead, instead that payment was taken out of His hands, rejected if you will?  What if He thought to Himself  "Enough!  I've planned.  I've sacrificed.  I've been looking forward to this for a long time but obviously these people refuse to accept what I so freely give?  Bah!  Enough!  I quit!"

Scary, huh?

Okay, I think you all get the picture so I'll wrap this up.  Soon Steve and Virginia came back to the table, smiling, her with check in hand because she was successful in making the final payment for the group.  She kissed me and hugged me and again reiterated how she'd really wanted to do this.  Harmony abounded and I've got the photos to show for it. 

As far as Jesus, though, and His invitation to pay your bill?  Now, that's something you and He will have to work out, if you haven't already done so.  He could have walked away from the cross.  All of His "friends" did, deserted Him in His hour of need, and though He could have called 10,000 angels, He stayed.  He paid your bill.  And mine.  His sacrifice for our salvation.  He's planning another event, you know.  The Marriage Supper of the Lamb.  I can't wait to dine with Him, can you?  Wonder if He'll have cake, with candles on it to make a wish?  Ahh, probably not.  The candles, I mean (fingers crossed for the cake!).  Us being there to celebrate with Him is the greatest present.  Unfathomable, huh?

Let's pray!

Dear Lord God, as I contemplate these three events, I am filled with so much emotion.  First, I thank You for once again revealing Yourself to me in the common, everyday activities.  I see You when I look for You and am continually enlightened to the many different ways You reach out to Your children.

Next, God, I thank You for this gift of Jesus.  I cannot help but feel unworthy and it's hard for me to not try to pay You back in some way but we both know I cannot even come close to this priceless present.  So, I will honor You, Father, with my life and do my best through the righteousness of Christ in me to share His story and lead others to You.

Lastly, Lord God, I thank You for not walking away.  You stayed.  You remain constant.  You don't change, nor does Your love for Your people.  Thank You for being this way and loving so intensely.  My hope is that I too can have such passion for those You place in my life, Father, and love them the way You have and do still love me.  In the name of Jesus Christ I pray this:  amen.

It Heals Better If It's Covered Longer

A couple of hours ago I saw a commercial for BAND-AID Brand.  It was sweet, gentle, and comforting.  The key phrases in it were  "Covering is caring.  Covering heals."  

It went on to show a blanket being put around a sleeping kid.  A fly sheet was put on a horse to warm it.  Parents of a tiny baby ran through the rain under the shelter of a coat placed over all of their heads.  A helmet was placed on a young boy's head as he started off on his bicycle ride.  A family was watching a scary show and dad covered daughter's eyes so she wouldn't be frightened.  Oh, and I mustn't forget the dude who covered up his hawg so it wouldn't get bothered by the elements.

The fella in the background talked soothingly about protecting the things we cherish.  As it played, I couldn't help but think of another product (if you will) that covers, protects, heals, and cares.  His name is Jesus Christ and Psalm 91:4 tells that "He will cover you with His feathers; you will take refuge under His wings. His faithfulness will be a protective shield."

Are you in need of comfort today, friends?  Got some boo boos that need some special attention?  Are you concerned for a loved one?  Take your cares to Christ.  If You'll allow Him to, He will heal the scars on your hearts and in your bodies.  He will care for you better than any brother or friend.  Under the wings of God, there is no harm that can overtake you.  The hurt and the Healer collide when we cry out to Jesus.  Aren't you tired of the pain?  Do you want some relief from the storms in your lives?  All you have to do is go to Him.  Remember the story of the prodigal son?  His dad was watching for his son's return.  Yours is too.

Let's pray.

Dear Holy God, how I thank You for the comfort You so willingly give and supply.  As I reflect on this verse and the commercial that reminded me of Your capacities, Lord, to fix what is broken, my heart sings a quiet song of rejoicing.  Thank You for healing me, for kissing me when I hurt, and for allowing me to burrow in Your arms when I just need to be held.  I love You and praise You for all that You do to make me better.  In the name of Jesus, amen.