How Can I Help You To Say Goodbye?

Dread.  Fear.  Excitement.  Anxious.  Scared.  Sad.

These are the feelings coursing through me as I contemplate going to see a dear friend tomorrow--a friend who is dying from cancer.  Oh, there's no use pretending she's not near the end and there's no false hope that her days will be prolonged for much longer.  She's nearly had enough and has made her peace.

But me?  Have I had enough of Betty?  Have I the desire for her to stay here so I can selfishly enjoy her company, her words of wisdom, her notes of encouragement, her constant and steady love for me regardless of how often we actually meet face-to-face?  Can there ever be enough time to bask in the warmth she has freely given to me since our first meeting?

There have been two times in my life when I knew I wouldn't see my loved one ever again.  One, there just wasn't time for because, like Betty, the cancer had ravaged her body and she just didn't have the strength to continue.  The other?  There was time and some would say opportunity but it just didn't work out that way and I knew the last moments we shared in each other's presence would be it.  However, the prospect of seeing Betty tomorrow is different in so many ways.  Like all of us, I cannot predict the future nor say when one's last breath will be the final sigh.

Years ago, Patty Loveless sang a haunting melody called "How Can I Help You To Say Goodbye."  It dealt with last times:  a move that took a girl's best friend away from her; the end of her marriage; and lastly, the death of the woman's mother.  It's a real tearjerker and can really tug at those heartstrings as she croons the words that "it's okay to hurt and it's okay to cry."

I don't want to write anymore about this right now.