Well, Since you volunteered...

Dear Friends and Neighbors:

I just wanted to take a moment to let you know what I need. Many of you have heard of my plight and written notes on Facebook or passed them on through the church or others and said to let you know if I need anything. Because of my situation and because time is such a precious commodity, it's hard for me to call you and tell you these things in my time of deep distress. Sometimes there's barely time for me to even take a bathroom break or go off for a few moments of alone time to cry, to process, to get myself together. Please don't take this the wrong way but...you offered so here is what I need.

I need help. I need someone to drop me off some food that can quickly be reheated for those times when I am unable to prepare a meal. Leave it on my front porch if I can't get to the door. It may look like I am home but my hands may honestly be doing things that don't allow for opening of the door in a timely manner.

I need a restaurant card or two for when I am running to and from doctor appointments and know there won't be time to eat once I get home so I have to stuff it down quickly as I am on my way to get meds refilled or supplies purchased. That unexpected treat furnished by you for that special moment when the strength is low can be just what the doctor ordered.

I need gas cards so that I can keep the tank filled. Again, with my hours being stretched so that there is little brain functionability, I often am so distracted that I forget this simple mundane task and honestly? Sometimes there are just so little dollars left that I am having to choose between eating and getting the scrips for my loved one (or myself).

I need you to take out my trash. I don't like to make a big deal out of it but it's not something I had to handle before. Others may have home pickup but I don't. It piles up and gets in the way. If you could please take a bag on your way out from your visit, that'd be great.

Oh, and that step you tripped over on your way up? That needs fixed too but I don't have time for it right now. I keep meaning to get to it but...

I need you to keep sending me cards to encourage me. Phone calls are tough because it's rare that it's convenient to chat, but try me. Leave me a voice message because sometimes your sweet words soothe my heart better than any ointment. Knowing you are praying for me, thinking of me, and loving me help to sustain my hurting soul. Those texts that you know I see? Don't be mad when I don't instantly respond. They give me motivation and remind me that you care. Keep sending them!

I need you to not be afraid to ask me how I am feeling. I don't though need to hear how you are or how your mom is going through this same situation because frankly, this is my situation and though there may be similarities, I need you to hear my story, my woes, and my cares. I'm afraid. I'm uncertain. Sometimes I am mad and need to vent. I need you to love me enough to let me rant if I need to, cry if I want to, or to be lifted up with some funny stories so that I don't take it all too seriously. I can't handle your sadness now because I am drowning in my own.

I need you to drop by without calling first once in a while because timing is everything and sometimes I may need you to do a certain task for me at just that moment. It may be to just let me go for a brief walk or go to the bathroom without fear of interruption for a quick shower or clean up of my own self. I might ask you to throw the clothes in the dryer or put a few dishes in the dishwasher. I probably won't but I need you to come into my house and look around, see what is being neglected, and just do it. I might even need you to sit with my loved one so that s/he knows there really is a body behind the words being said. Sing some songs. Pray with him or her. Don't stay all night but do come. It gets lonely with just us here. Remember: they were there for you.

If, however, I greet you at the door and say it isn't a good time, I need you to quickly and quietly go. I appreciate you but I just don't have the minute that turns into three that turns into ten while my attention is desperately needed elsewhere. I'm not trying to be rude or hurt your feelings. I just must be somewhere else in that moment.

I need you to send me flowers. Whether they are for me or the one I am caring for, they brighten up the place. Send me yellow ones and daisies and such that remind me life is out there because inside these four walls, death is often too near. I need some inner sunshine! Have your kids draw me pictures. Anything that adds light to my darkness will help.

I need you to understand that right now, sometimes it's all I can do to make myself get up in the mornings. I need you to hear what I don't say, to give what I don't ask for, and to know that I need you but am too full of pride to ask for your help. I am too ashamed of my dirty house to let you visit. I am afraid if I show you my emotion you will write me off as some lunatic when in actuality I am really quite sane but am having a moment of pure panic as I deal with the fact that my loved one is dying, that I am facing life alone, and that I am scared.

So, dear friends, I need you but I won't ask you these things. I want those casseroles. I want your visits so I know I am not alone and that you really do want to help but...I cannot ask you. I don't have time. Time is what I often need. You are busy too so if you don't mean it, please don't say it.

And, after my loved one has gone on, I need you. I may say I want to be alone but...keep trying. Keep showing up. Don't let me drift away too. I know I can appear fine but that doesn't mean I am. And lastly, remember, you asked if there was anything I needed, to let you know. I just did.

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For anyone who may be reading this and thinking I need you right now because of some crisis I am having, let me assure you: I am fine. However, each morning when I get up and check Facebook, someone else isn't. Someone has just been diagnosed with cancer. Or their kid was in a wreck. Or their house burnt down, they lost their job, their husband left, they found out something that devastated them...

Friends, it's so easy to say "Call me if you need anything." But may I ask you: how do you think they are going to do that when they are barely treading water? Maybe they can't even afford to pay their phone bill itself so how can they cry out to you?

Let's make it a point to do, to act, to love without being asked. You know what is needed most of the time. It's you. They need you. Your ears. Your smiles. Your shoulders to hug on and cry on. Your time to help. They need to know they can text you in the middle of the day and get a quick word of encouragement. When they remember or get the chance to go to the mailbox, they need a card waiting there to show that though you aren't physically there, you are with them in spirit. They need you to show up unasked for because, after all, if you really love them, aren't you going to be in the vicinity anyways?

Next time you are at a fast food place, buy a gift card. Just in case. Grocery store? Pick up some extra frozen pizzas, casseroles, and maybe some sodas. Post office? Grab a few extra stamps 'cause even though you can't pay their bills, you can allow them to get sent out. Many times this is something overlooked but definitely needed. Leave them on their counter when you visit. Make the time to visit.

Depending on the season, have your kids mow their yard, wash their cars, take out the trash, walk their dogs, and so on. It's the little things that matter. Make a difference today, friends. That's what we need.