Give yourself a break!

So, how's your day going so far?  Yeah, that can be a loaded question.  Some of us are back to the daily grinds at work, where it seems, perhaps, as though the end is never in sight.  Others see all of that laundry piled up, waiting to be washed--along with the load still in the dryer and, come to think of it, the dishes are still in the dishwasher waiting to be properly placed as well.

Can I ask you to stop for just a moment, 60 seconds, and just pause.  Be still.  Take a deep breath.  If a window is nearby, gaze out towards it and remember this:  This is the day that the Lord has made.  This one!  Right at this very moment our heavenly and oh-so-sweet Lord is resting on His throne, and guess what friends?  He's got it all under control!  Yeah, life has a way of weighing down on us but only if we let it.  Relax!    

Okay.  You've looked outside and been still for 20 seconds or so and are itching to get back to it but wait!  There's still another part to do--the better part.  For you see, there's a second portion to this verse that goes like this:  let us rejoice and be glad in it.  Mmn hmn.  Shout glory or hallelujah!  Someone may look at you funnily but what else is new?  Whisper a quiet thanks.  Murmur a silent prayer but not of "Help me, God" but instead "Thank You, Lord."  After all, you have clothes to wear, right?  Some don't.  Dishes to put up means you probably have been eating.  There are many out there begging for what you scraped off of those plates.  You have a job to go to so you can help to provide for your family.  Some can't even get off of the couch.  Mostly though?  You've got a God that loves you beyond measure.  He's numbered your very hairs and notices each tear, each sigh, each unutterable prayer.

Okay, 10 seconds left.  Take another deep breath.  Exhale slowly.  Smile at someone randomly and see the unexpected joy you just put in his/her life by this teeny little act of kindness.  By now, my prayer is that you are smiling too!

Not bad for a minute of your time, huh?  Let's do it again soon!

Get your own Steve!

I can be a hard woman to love.  I am moody, temperamental, often emotional, and when I don't get my own way, I can often be bitter, spiteful, and just be a downright hate goat.  Fortunately for me, though, God knew all of this when He created me and knew that I would often need to be treated with kid gloves (ha ha!  I crack myself up when I unintentionally make a pun!).  Therefore, He sent to me a most excellent shepherd to help soothe the savage beast in me.

Case in point:  the other night when we were saying our bedtime prayers, it was my turn.  If you read my blog from yesterday, this will make more sense to you but if you didn't, just refer to the above paragraph.  We've been learning more about the election of God's saints and such, so as I was talking to God, I was thanking Him for loving us and choosing us.  I told God how I could understand Him picking Steve--but I couldn't understand why He would want a wretch like me.  Steve, who was holding my hand, squeezed it fiercely, and admonished me with a firm whisper, saying "God is not happy when you talk like that!"

Wow!  My heart was instantly pricked with amazement.  Sometimes I still get in that age-old mode of thinking that God is up there on His throne, fist clenched, and ready to come down on me for every awful thing I do.  Since there are many wicked thoughts and feelings in this ol' girl, that can cause quite a bit of trepidation in my soul.  However, with one sentence--albeit firmly spoken--I was reminded that God is not this way, that He is not up there recording my every lapse of judgment, keeping a tally of my deeds done in the flesh, nor getting His mighty book of Stef's Wrong Doings ready to add more pages to because of my wayward behavior.  Nope.   Instead, He is looking on me with love, with smiles, and with approval.  For a gal like me who is in constant need of affirmation, this is overwhelming!

In Ephesians 5:25, men are told to do something:  

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it

How blessed I am that God has given me a real-life example of Christ to be by my side, to show me unconditional love, to not let me talk badly about myself, and to be my help meet in every way!  When I forget that God considers me as He does His only Begotten, Steve is there to encourage me and point me back to the Father of Love.  Friends, this is priceless!  I highly suggest you all get your own Steve (as a friend was once told when he was taking up a little too much time with this fine man of mine and this soul was honing in on the other fella's time with him) so that you too may experience God in the flesh and not in the old fable of the mean ol' miser who is waiting to write you off.  There's also a few others that do this in my life.  They are called Gloria, Betty, Virginia, Beth, Lisa, Pam, Audrey, Tammy, and other beautiful names.  But the one that matters most?  His name is Jesus and in Him I find redemption, acceptance, and adoration.  Me!  All I can say to that is "Oh what a Saviour!  Oh hallelujah!  Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch--I mean, a woman--like me!  I once was blind but now I see."

Thank You, Lord God, for opening my eyes to Your real personality.  I apologize for all of the times I didn't see Your softer side, the persona of the One Who runs to His children when they hurt:  the One Whose arms are always open, Whose ears are always listening, and Who never grows weary when His kids continue coming to Him with their demands.  How wonderful and magnificent You are!  May I find my security and my solace in You and when I falter, thank You for the others You send me way to show me You when I need that extra boost.

I love You, Lord.  Thanks for loving me too!  Amen.

Saying Goodbye Is Never An Easy Thing

I'm going to die.  Oh no:  not today and probably not tomorrow but then again, who knows?  Not me.  

I thought I was ready for this day and was even looking forward to it.  Then, I got this report that made me wonder if my time to leave here could potentially be sooner than I expected.  So I began to wonder, to ponder, and to reconcile within myself all the things I've done, want to do, and hope to do before the moment of death takes me from this life onto the next.

I used to think I didn't want a funeral because I honestly didn't think anyone would show up.  But now, as I think about my final… performance?  No, that's not the right word.  Hmn.  My last words?  No, that doesn't work either since I will already be gone.  Although others may have a few words (hopefully nice ones) to say on my behalf to tell of all of my wonders and what a great person I was (cough!), that's still not quite the right thing I want to express.  I've got it!  My final farewell.  All the things others want to remember about me and all the things I hope that they will reminisce over when my days on this earth come to their end are what have been running through my mind.

You know that Tim McGraw song "Live Like You Were Dying" and the things his dad wanted to do before death knocked on his door?  Well, I have always wanted to fly so I guess skydiving would be on my bucket list too.  Rocky Mountain climbing?  No, but I wouldn't mind seeing the coast of Maine in the fall.  I most certainly have no desire to ride ol' Foo Man Choo!  Yeah, I'd love to love deeper, speak sweeter, but forgiveness I've been denying?  I honestly think I am good with that.  Oh sure, there are some wrongs done to me that I'd love to talk over with the ones who hurt me but I don't hold that against them anymore.  It was another power at work, seeking to steal, kill, and destroy and it was successful on too many occasions but I see it now for what it really was.

I started this blog off with the words "I'm going to die" and that may cause some of you to wonder what's wrong with me.  Well, I'll tell you.  It's that dreaded "c" word:  cancer.  Basal and Squamous Cell cancers have once again penetrated my skin and in less than two weeks, I get to have Mohs Surgery on three places on my face.  Again.  For you see, I've already had one of these types of surgery before on my left side of my face.  I joke with people about my scar, telling them I was in a knife fight but that I won.  But now I'm not laughing.  I'm scared.  I fear that the two places on my forehead are really just a part of a series of cancers that are connected and will need radical treatment.  I fear that because they are closer to my tiny little brain that they may have already started their descent into it and prepared to take over. The one on my nose?  Well, it's been treated many times before as well.  For about as long as I can remember, I was dubbed "Rudolph" because I too had a very shiny, red nose that was constantly sunburnt and blistered.

Many will tell me that this surgery is no big deal and that it is quite successful in removing these hateful beasts--and they would be right.  I've done my homework and researched the facts.  But that doesn't still the fatalist spirit in my heart that this time it's gonna be worse than the first Mohs done, that these scars will run deeper than the superficial.  I know that most of this attitude comes from the whispers of the devil and how he's just trying to get me to focus on the lies rather than the knowledge of how far medical science has come.  For when he does that, my eyes aren't on Christ, the Great Physician.  My heart isn't comforted by His Words and Promises when I let the fears take over.  My peace is shattered when I allow the thoughts of my dear sister dying from melanoma seven years ago to permeate into my mind and though I know this cancer isn't as severe, it all starts somewhere, right?  

Sigh.  There's a song I love called "In The Light" by dc Talk.  My favorite lines in it go like this:

The disease of self runs through my blood

It's a cancer fatal to my soul

Every attempt on my behalf has failed

To bring this sickness under control

I wanna be in the Light

As You are in the Light

I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens

Oh, Lord be my Light and be my salvation

'Cause all I want is to be in the Light

All I want is to be in the Light

Friends, I don't know the future and what will be the deciding factor that takes my life from me.  I know that I am saved, that I have a better home awaiting, and that without Jesus Christ I have no hope.  With Him, though, I have so many wondrous hopes, so much love, and a confidence that I am a winner either way and when He calls me home, it will be for good.  So, when you pray for me--and I am expecting that you will!!--don't pray for healing or for divine intervention.  The path has already been planned out for me so what I ask is this:  when you do pray for me--and again, I expect you to!!--pray that whatever time I have on this earth is spent bring glory and honor to God.  My life is to be about Him, not about Stef.  Whether that's a couple of months or years on down the road (personally, my preference is to go in the Rapture with the rest of you and be done with this hurtful world), my sincere desire is that through my life you will see Jesus shining.

So, in conclusion, what do I want on my tombstone?  Loosed.  Freed. Redeemed. Completed.

Let's pray!

Dear God, I feel better already!  When I take the time to work through my fears, I see that You have me.  You have already loosened me from the grip of sin.  You have freed my soul from the condemnation of the wicked one.  You have through Your precious Son Jesus redeemed me and claimed me as Your child.  And when my last breath is breathed, I will be completed, my race over, the victory mine.  Through Jesus You have made this all possible and Lord God?  I thank You with all of my heart.

Now, Father, we both know I am going to relapse and the darkness of the night will try to let the demons of the fear of the unknown attack me.  When I am afraid, Lord, may I trust in You?  When I am scared, will You hold my hand?  And when the emotions tumble out as I fret over what all I have left to do and is there time, remind me that regardless of cancers or any other life-stealing device, I am Yours and my life here is only over when You say so.   And while I have breath, I am going to praise You, Lord!  Hallelujah!

Run, Forrest, Run!

"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,"  Hebrews 12:1

This verse has been one my husband and I have been pondering for our personal Bible Study this week.  We've been dissecting it, phrase by phrase, and are just continually amazed at what God shows us through verses we have heard all of our lives but are still able to find new things in.  Also, it gives me extreme pleasure when I see others on Facebook posting things that lead to this verse, such as my sweet friend Jim did earlier this morning.

As I was considering the last phrase of this verse, I remembered a time--many moons ago--when I was in the 8th Grade (although the picture I used is actually from a year later but it seemed to fit my theme).  It was an ordinary day, I suppose, and during PE time, we were told to go out to the field behind Cane River Middle School and run.  So, I did.  I ran just as I normally would, not knowing I was being watched--scoped out if you will, by the track coach.  He called me up to him and asked if I would be interested in joining the team.  Excited--because no one had really paid any attention to my athletic prowess before--I agreed.

Long story short, when track meet time came, I was on a team for the 440.  I finished third to last.  What happened?  Why hadn't I been head of the pack?  Wasn't it me who had run without trying to impress just a week before so quickly that I caught the eye of the coach?  

Here's what happened.  I wasn't prepared.  I wasn't trained.  I wasn't conditioned in my mind to know about endurance, about strategy, nor about pacing myself.  The goal was ahead of me, surely, but in my unskilled self, I was not able to get to it before the 7 others ahead of me.  Oh sure:  I finished the race.  I completed my task.  But I let my coach and teammates down.  The natural high I had floated on for the previous week dissipated and it was a hard crash down to the ground.

When I relate this to the verse above, I see some similarities.  I was surrounded by others.  I was headed towards the finish line.  But those encumbrances, that lack of training, and the sins of pride got in my way.  Because I had succeeded once, I guess I felt haughty and not in need of practicing my art.  Maybe I ate a heavy meal before the race or used too much energy on being at my first track meet and seeing what all was going on?  Who knows?  That was almost 40 years ago.  I can barely remember what happened last week!

In conclusion, though, what I glean from this last portion of scripture is that I need to better train myself in the ways of God.  I need to train my mind to His commands.  I need to daily utilize what is given to me so that when push comes to shove, I have the necessary skills in hand (and foot) to proceed to that race with full authority and assurance from my Lord above that I am not only headed in the right direction but that also I can receive the award of "Well done, my child."  That's better than any participation ribbon any day, dontcha think?

Let's pray!

Dear Lord, thank You for this gentle reminder to once again put my faith in action.  I need to hide Your Words in my heart.  I need to practice my beliefs and not just write them down for others.  I need to apply them to myself.

Lord, You know that report I got back yesterday has me hesitant.  You know that it's going to be rough for a few weeks as I heal but I know You are using this for my betterment so I ask that You help me to be strong, fearless, and to rely on You when my own strength is lacking.  I want to run the race to make You proud, Father.  One step at a time is what I need to focus on until the day I can run, into Your open arms, for the ultimate victory.  Help me to persevere, God, I ask in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

It's okay: I'm the limo driver!

Good morning!  Tell me something:  do you have a badge?  Maybe it's your student ID, workplace card, or some other type of tangible item that you use to let others know you belong in this place where you are at.  In the movie "Dumb and Dumber," the character of Lloyd Christmas had one and he thought it gave him access to all sorts of places that the rest of the world wasn't allowed into.  Watch this video clip for those of you (unlike Valerie) who might need a reminder:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y51IFVB-7Oc

The older I get, the more I realize that I need something tangible to help me out when I forget who I am.  Oh sure, there's my driver's license to tell me my name, address, and blood type--and that I am an organ donor.  But...but sometimes as I walk this road of life, and the fiery darts of the wicked one come my way, I need something more solid, more defining, more powerful than a piece of paper with my "facts" on it.  I need protection.  I need my Superhero Jesus to come bail me out of whatever predicament I may be in.  I need verification that I am His child.

This picture doesn't do this justice, but the other day at Treasure's, I found this pocket coin.  On the front, as you see, is the Shield of Faith that is spoken of as part of the whole armor of God in the Book of Ephesians.  On its reverse side is the reminder:  to put on the full armor of God.  There were other pieces available and I may go back and get another (like the helmet to protect my head and my mind!) but this one was most pertinent to me at this moment.

Those fiery darts of the devil are coming at me from all sides lately and when I saw this, I just had to have it.  I can keep it in my pocket and reach down and feel its comfort when I am resting, driving, or just going about my daily walk.  Oh sure, it's not that big and truthfully probably couldn't fend off many actual spears thrown my way.  However, knowing it is there, knowing the truth behind the words imprinted on it makes me feel stronger.  It makes me feel I am not alone.  It reminds me that while my adversary is out there seeking to devour and to destroy me that my Hero, my Warrior is not only in my pocket, He's in my heart.  He's on my side.  He's prepared the way for me and He does not expect me to go it alone.

It feels good to have something to hold onto, doesn't it?  Something that is warm inside of your hand?  Something that you can look at whensoever you choose and though the rest of the world is unaware of its impact, this little reminder of Whose you are is priceless.  So, to conclude, I do hide the words of Christ in my heart that I may not sin against Him.  I do trust Jesus to take care of my every need.  And lastly, I now have this other reminder of His Word to reassure me when those hurtful sticks are thrown my way.  I just have to be sure to reach for it--for Him--and not trust in my own strength to save me.

Let's pray!

Oh Lord!  How I love having more of You close to me.  It isn't always convenient to carry my Bible around so this little coin that I now own is one of my new favorite possessions that points me back to You when my eyes stray.  It allows me to stay "in touch" (if You will) when I need an extra boost or just a quiet reminder that You are always with me.

Thank You for loving me, for securing me, and for equipping me to keep on.  Honestly, Lord, these past two weeks have been a doozy and I faltered a few times as the hits just kept coming.  May I keep my eyes on You and trust in You to be my shield when all is said and done is my prayer today, asked in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

Again?

I just got home from seeing a good movie, "Bridge of Spies."  The major thing I will carry from it is the fact that one man makes a difference when he goes above and beyond what is asked of him in his own "line of duty" regardless of what his job title is.

As I pondered James Donovan's heroic deeds, it reminded me of the verse Steve and I are studying this week:  "Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us..." Hebrews 12:1.

After we did our journaling, I mournfully noted that we just don't have such great men and women that we personally know to be the "great cloud of witnesses" to incite us to great deeds.  Sad, but true.  Neither of us could name a soul that we had been impacted by who had accomplished great deeds in the name of Jesus.  Oh sure:  there were lots of folks we could name as being good examples but none that stood out as having been through the fire and coming out still standing tall.

So, as I blunder about here (keep in mind it's after 7:00 pm and all bets on me having a sound mind are off after this time), I was checking my Facebook notes and messages a few moments ago and saw this one person whose name keeps popping up on our prayer list.  She is a lovely lady and has had so many problems in her life that it just doesn't seem fair.  But--at the same time--I wondered: how long can we keep praying for her before our prayers just become rote, that they just are muttered words of "Help her, Jesus" of "Thy will be done" rather than earnest, heartfelt pleas to God for her healing, for her deliverance?  Does that make sense?  Seems like there are some folks who are constantly needing a touch from the Lord and even though I consider myself to be quite the word smith, I often find myself at a loss when talking to God on their behalf and unable to pray fervently for them.

Back to the movie.  There was a blurb at the end that spoke of the fates of the main characters in it.  The Bay of Pigs negotiations allowed for over 1100 CIA trained soldiers to be released by way of James B. Donovan his works and he later returned to Cuba in April 1963 and was able to secure the release of an additional 8,000-plus people.

One man who did what he felt in his soul was right.  One man who persevered until the deed was accomplished.  Effectual?  Yes?  Fervent?  Definitely!  Righteous?  His tombstone bears the opening line of the Prayer of Saint Francis: "Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace."  So, yes, I'd like to think so.  Mr. Donovan wasn't satisfied with one when so many more lives were at stake.

In conclusion, one man made a difference.  He campaigned for the freedom of so many that probably never even knew his name or that he fought so valiantly for them.  May you and I emulate his perseverance when we get tired of repeating the same old prayers.  May we model his longsuffering over the many rejections and mostly?  Mostly will we keep praying for God to intervene and do what He does best!  Let's get fervent, friends!  Imagine what God could do in us if we don't quit now.

How Great Thou Art!

In life, there is much to consider.  Where to work, whom to marry, where to live, how many kids to have, where to go to church, where to shop, how to spend your money, how much of it to save for retirement and/or investments, and so many other objects of concern vie for our time.  If you are like me and only have a tiny little brain, it can be quite overwhelming sometimes!

In the grand scheme of things, though, do these things really matter?  Whether you wear Levi's or Lee Jeans, eat Papa John's Pizza or Pizza Hut's, live on the coast or in the mountains, spend every cent you have today since you are not promised tomorrow, and have three versus two pets:  does it really matter?  When you step back from yourself and evaluate the vastness of the riches of God's glory--and then take one more step back as you realize He created all of it for you--why bother with the small stuff?  Why contemplate that new color of carpet when you can stare at an infinite sky, full of stars, and realize that there is so much of it that you cannot see?  

I often find myself in awe of God's creation.  The beauty of earth is something so wonderful to behold, especially in the fall season when the land begins to prepare itself for rest as winter lurks in the not so distant future.  The brilliance of the setting sun as the days draw shorter and the nights grow longer causes my eyes to reflect on life and the intricacies of it.

God made man.  He made creation.  The heavens and the earth.  Why?  For you, love.  Now that is something to think about!

Let's pray!

I don't know why, and I don't know how but Lord?  Lord?  You made all of this beautifulness for me.  Me!  Astounding!  Furthermore, You are making a new heaven for me to dwell with You in.  Such love humbles me and makes my heart soar.  Thank You, Father, for all I have now and all that is promised to me.  Your generosity amazes me.  You amaze me.

Take Time to be Holy

We sang this hymn yesterday before our closing prayer. Its words are so profound and I hope you will take a few moments to ponder them today as the Mondays surround you. Be calm in your souls is my advice for you today. heart emoticon

So Easy Even A Granny Can Do It!

"Philip ran up and heard him reading Isaiah the prophet, and said, 'Do you understand what you are reading?' And he said, 'Well, how could I, unless someone guides me?'"  Acts 8:30-31

This morning I was up around 3:00. I just couldn't get my ol' body to stop aching and my mind to stop wandering. So, I came in here to my Pretty Purple Room and began the process of binding my blogs. It's something I have been wanting to do for a while and for various reasons kept putting off. Happily though, I have been working on them for the past couple of days and thought myself ready to get out my new machine.

Hmn. Looks easy enough--even for a ditz like me. How hard could it be? Besides, not only are there instructions, but there are pictures to walk me through each step. Yeah: I can do this!

Emboldened in my thoughts were also the reassuring words the lovely Myra Beck posted yesterday in her vlog about failures (http://www.myrabeck.com/failure-leads-to-success/) and since I am so good at those I figgered it was time for a success of my own.  So, ahem, almost two hours later I did it!  I kid you not.  Yes, I had the instructions.  Yes the pictures helped but...but my one lone copy surely was not supposed to take this long to put together.  I started on the next one and yep, you guessed it:  it still wasn't going smoothly.  So, I did what any other normal, harried woman would do:  I waited for the alarm clock to go off and for Steve to get up.  Of course he came to see what I was doing and spent the next ten minutes showing me the right way to do it.  You see, even though I had the book, I had the directions, it still was just not making any sense to me.  I needed a teacher to show me and once he did, it all made sense.

Do you think that is the way the Ethiopian felt?  He had the words of life and the ability to read.  Yet it wasn't until Philip came his way that he was able to have the light bulbs go off in his head.  It wasn't until someone sat patiently with him and explained things that the story really came together.  

October is Pastor Appreciation Month.  What a great time to honor the men who spend countless hours learning from God so that they may turn around and teach us sheep what we just aren't sure about.  What a great way to honor your Sunday School teachers and ministry leaders as they endeavor to honor God with their labors.  And let's not forget those pastors' wives either who understand more than their hubbies often do.  They all work together for good because they love God, they are the called, and us?  We get to reap the benefits!

Here's a picture of my book, all nicely bound.  Thank you Steve for showing me the way.  Thank you Pastor Dale, for expounding on the Word.  Thank you Charmeyne for often pointing out the obvious, and for all of those who are too numerous to mention here but have impacted my growth, thank you.  I'm a visual learner and you have shown and told me what's best with your gentleness and your compassion.  I appreciate you all!

Let's pray!

Dear Father God, the greatest Teacher out there, I want to say thanks for all of the souls You have sent my way to teach me more about You.  I once heard an expression that basically said "Preach the Word all day long.  Use words if you have to."  Thank You, Lord, for those whose lives epitomize Your Truths and Your love without preaching man's words but instead by modeling Jesus. 

Continue guiding me and molding me into His image, I ask, so that I too may be counted amongst the teachers You use to further Your kingdom.  It's in His precious name I pray, amen.

Goodbye Christina

Do you ever wonder what your last assignment is before God calls you home? Do you ever think about that final task you will complete that is the last thing you will accomplish on this earth?

For my sister-in-law, Christina Briggs, hers came sometime in the late hours between 10:17 pm Sunday night and 3:00 am Monday morning. Her last Facebook post was a meme that spoke of God answering knee mails. Between those hours, I don't know what took place, other than her daughter got up to get a drink of water and found her mommy in the floor, cold. She went to get her a blanket and tell her daddy about it and that was when realization hit that Christina was no longer with them.

Forty-three-years old and suddenly, her light was extinguished. Her brilliant smile never to be seen other than in pictures again. And her laugh? Oh, to hear it once more! Christina was such a vibrant soul and rarely was she seen without joy on her face. Though she'd been through many losses, that smile rarely dimmed.

Years ago, she told me that her favorite song was "Broken Things" by The McKameys because it described how God had put her pieces back together. As I remember her today and mourn the loss of her, I anticipate seeing Christina again, in all of her glory, and no longer cracked but perfected in the love of Jesus. Goodbye, sweet sister! I loved you.

Who invited you?

What's on your mind today?  Bills?  Problems?  Issues that just keep popping up no matter how many times you have dealt with them?

For the past few days, the devil has been really riding my back.  And since he likes to use all weapons in his arsenal, he invited a few friends with him.  Perhaps you know them?  Guilt, Anger, Snide, Liar, Accuser, and Destroyer.  Familiar with them?  Me too and truthfully, I wish they hadn't come.  I don't like them.  I don't like the way my heart reacts to their presence.  They show me just how ugly it is and then they laugh when they have wrought their presence into my previously calm demeanour.

So, what to do?  Easy!  I have got to get dressed, putting on that full armour of God that is in my closet.  And speaking of which, I recently got my prayer closet back into working order.  Hmn.  Maybe that's why they are on my doorstep, trying to get into my home.  I'll bet they want to wreak havoc in there too.

So, here's my choice (because if you know me, you know one of my most frequent sayings in life is that everything is a choice):  I can let them in and entertain them while they sneak and leave their mark on everything they touch or I can just not let them in.  Keep that door closed.  I can retreat into my sanctuary and rest in the presence of God.  I can tell Him of my cares and sit at His feet while He soothes my savage beasts and keeps them caged up where they can do no harm.  Why worry over things I cannot change?  That just distracts me from working on the things that I do have power over.

I am going to make the good choice today.  I am going to do what is necessary and that is to keep my focus on Jesus.  My eyes and ears are gonna look for and listen to Him, not some crafty creep who only wants my destruction.  My hands are going to be folded in prayer and uplifted in praise.  My heart is not going to revisit the hurts but is going to open itself up to the good things my Lord has prepared for me.

So, thanks but no thanks Devil.  You and your friends can go somewhere else today.  I have better things to do.  Good riddance!

No rotten tomatoes here

Good afternoon.  As I mowed earlier, my eyes were drawn to the color at the edge of the house.  See it?  The first picture?  Although this tomato plant was put into the ground later in the season, it is still blooming.  Picture number two shows the harvest it is now putting out, here in mid-October!  But, sadly, picture number three shows...one piece of bad fruit.  Not so bad right?  One out of seven?  Hmn.

Late bloomers.  Some of us don't start the Christian walk until our later years.  And once the Son shines on us and our roots start to grow, we produce fruit.  But maybe because we came into the game later in life, every thing cannot be perfect.  Each piece of fruit will not be suitable for consumption.  Don't let that one "bad apple" spoil the whole bunch, friends.  Don't think that because not all you yield are useful that your labor is in vain.  Sometimes--in spite of your best intentions--some of your crop is going to be bad.  But that doesn't mean that you are.

As you ponder these words today, I want to encourage you to examine yourselves.  Is your fruit ripe?  Is it in need of some more time on the vine?  Does it need just a little more sunshine from your window sill, where it is protected from the bugs of the world, or has the blight taken it out of the picture?  "A man is known by his fruits," said Jesus Christ in Matthew 7:16.  Go harvest your crops.  You can't save them all but you can nurture the ones in your care.

Let's pray!

Dear Lord, I've been wondering and pondering on the latest event in my life that is going to be evidence of the fruit You have sown in me.  Am I like that one tomato that looked so good on the outside but then, when I am turned over, my insides are full of rottenness?  Am I one thing to some, inviting them in, teaching them about You, but so filled with filth when examined closely?

Oh Lord!  I'm struggling with this one!  Sometimes the forces of nature are just too much for one to bear continuously.  Like that tomato when it first began, full of promise, sometimes the world and its sin come in and destroy from within.  Help me, I pray, sweet Father, to bear fruit that is worthy of Your sacrifice.  Show me what to do or keep me on Your window sill and shine some more into me until my time of ripening is nigh.  In Jesus' precious name I pray.  Amen.

It was me. Again.

Go ahead and ask anyone.  They will tell you this truth:  Steve and Stefanie really love each other.  They still have fun together.  The romance is still alive.  They are one another's best friends.  Each is the other's main cheerleaders, support system, and go-to person.  If one falls, you may be sure the other is right there beside that soul, ready to pull that spouse up out of the mire and get those feet settled back on solid ground.

So, why then were these past few days so rough?  Why--when like clockwork, hands that used to automatically find one another--were prayers said separately, hands in laps rather than entwined and not in unison while in church this morning?  Why was there room for another person between them rather than them being side-by-side in an almost nauseating way that made other folks wonder just how these two can still be so close after nearly thirty-two years of marriage?  

I'll tell you, straight from the horse's mouth.  It's my fault.  I did something wrong and it caused friction.  He knew it and I knew it.  God most certainly knew it.  Do you remember a while back when I said us women just like being told what to do?  It gives us security and allows us to know the expectations that have been set before us.  Well, the other day I was told--quite rudely, in fact--that I needed to stop doing something, something that was offensive to this soul, and something that had been asked of me before to refrain from doing but...but I thought if I did it just every once in a while it wouldn't be so bad.  I thought if I just alluded to certain forbidden areas that a greater good could come from it.  I thought if I occasionally imbibed in this arena that no harm would result and that it would only enhance my project.

Well, guess what?  It did hurt someone.  Whatever good I had hoped would come from it had been turned into a stumbling block and a chord of dissension was woven into the tapestry of my wonderful life.  Even though I personally didn't see the harm, the effects were now glaringly in front of me, not to be denied, and if there was anything to salvage from it, I was going to have to...I was going to have to...I was going to have to not only apologize (again!!) but also I was going to have to go deeper.  I was going to have to acknowledge my wrongdoing. I was going to have to try my best to undo what had been done-- and I was furious!

Didn't matter that some points of the argument seemed to me to be beyond ridiculous.  Didn't matter that hours of hard work was going to have to be destroyed, removed, and lose its potential benefit of blessing others.  I was asked on more than one occasion to not do this certain thing and my pride rebelled and I did it anyway.  Numerous times.  And for the most part, it had gone on unnoticed and so I found myself doing it subversively time and time again.

When it all blew up in my face--as secret sin tends to do--I was miserable.  At first, I was all full of righteous indignation.  I mean, was this really even considerate of being called sin?  Then I was Miss Devil's Advocate, trying to see things from the injured one's perspective.  Then I was mad again and even though I felt justified for my actions, that still small voice was telling me I would have to back down on this one.  I was going to have to do what I was told and that Stef?  Stef, you were wrong.  

Gulp.

Yeah.  I was not a happy camper.  But, like a good Christian woman, I began the process of disseminating those projects.  With anger.  With fury.  With hot tears streaming down my face as my flesh rebelled and tried to justify its wants.  Oh yeah, I was in Super Christian Mode, I tell you, as I angrily and feverishly--and did I mention angrily??--spent the next few days trying to right this wrong.  When Sunday came and it was time for church, I knew I was going to be in for it. So, the night before, I tried to pray and let it go.  I really did.  I seriously did not want this fury inside of me, damaging me, separating me from my oh-so-sweet husband who knew--like I knew--that I was wrong.  But--and here's the kicker--he was still there by my side.  Knowing I was now doing the right thing, there he stood, loving me, feeling my pain, and trying his best to soothe this savage beast.

It only added fuel to the fire.

How can he be so gentle?  How can he even stand to be in the same room as me?  How can he acknowledge my sin and still want a relationship with me?  As the distance between us grew, so did my resolve to get this fluff taken care of.  I did not want to be appeased; I wanted to be vindicated.  I wanted to be mad for a little while.  I wanted to wallow in my misery and do what had to be done and I wanted to calm down when I was good and ready.  Guess what?  Yep, my Super Saint of a Husband gave me that time.  He knows me well.  He still kept reaching out to me.  Still kept offering me hugs and sympathetic smiles.  And I still kept pulling away, preferring to be alone with my angst, and still trying to work it out on my own.

Sigh.  So now, as he lies sleeping in the bed where we talked it out some more, here I am.  I marvel at how much Steve is like my Jesus.  Gentle.  Longsuffering.  Waiting for me to confess my sin and repent of it so that restoration can take place.  Waiting to hug me, to dry my tears that are now of shame rather than anger, and waiting to envelop me in His arms.  Waiting to soothe me, to tell me that even though I messed up, He still wants me.  

This has been a rough few days.  I do not like being away from my beloved.  I don't like being out of sync.  As the distance in church was noted, I realized how sneaky and crafty the devil is.  Trying to tear us asunder??  I think not!  We have braved so much of life with all of its up and downs, near death experiences, loves and losses...To think that I am going to give in to my pride and lose what I hold most dear is a thought that needs to be cast away, much like this episode in our Real Husbands And Wives of God's Saints.  I even imagined at tonight's service--as the devil once again began tossing his fiery darts my way--that if I had a shield like I saw at the Dollar Tree the other day and that I could use it to fend them off.  I pictured myself weaving it to and fro as each attack came and watching them ping off of me as no contact was made.  

Okay, I need to wrap this up so that I can go wrap myself back in my love's arms.  But before I do that, I need more importantly to make things right with Jesus.  I need to tell Him how appalled I am at my selfish desires and how I let them control me.  I need to repent of these sins and tell Him how sorry I am of the hurts that were caused because of them.  I need to confess that I need His help and that I gladly accept His assistance as the battle for my mind and the desires of my flesh attack me throughout the day.  I need to be restored.

Lord Jesus?  How do You put up with me?  How did You choose all those eons ago to make me one of Your own?  As You did with Adam, I too have been formed from the dust and I am messy.  I let debris cling to me that makes me dirty and disheveled.  And how I need You, Lord, to make me clean!

Jesus, I was wrong to commit that--those--sins.  I was giving into my wants and desires and not considering the wishes of another.  I let myself believe that it'd be okay and that it wasn't a big deal but I was wrong.  It is a big deal and now there are consequences from it.  My testimony took a hard hit and while I was lying there trying to recover from it, it made me look up.  It enabled me to hit the bottom and discern what is the next best course of action.  In some ways, it created a crossroads that I had been dawdling at for some time and now I know which path to take.  Your Word says to give thanks in all things so I thank You.  All things do indeed work together for good and with Your help and leadership, I can now progress instead of being caught in a past that is full of hindrances.

Thank You for this lesson.  It was tough and I did not want to admit my guilt but there is no choice if I am to have restoration.  I miss my husband's hand in mine and Lord, I miss Yours in my other.  

I'm ready now to stop being mad.  I'm ready to let it go and make a message out of the mess.  I've been avoiding this turning point for a while now, Lord, but now is the time for action.  Will You help me?  Will You guide me and show me where to go next?  I think I know but I want to be sure.  Speak to me, oh Wise One.  I'm ready to hear You.  I'm ready to listen.  I'm ready to do.

It's My Pleasure

You hear it often, especially at Chick-Fil-A and Cook-Out Restaurants when you’ve been served or when you ask for additional items.  “It’s my pleasure” the nice attendant will tell you, leaving you with the impression that you have been properly taken care of.  But did you know that this expression is not an original one for these eating establishments?  

Many years ago, our Lord Jesus Himself said these words in Luke 12:32:  Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom.  Mmn hmn.  Still not convinced?  All righty then; I have another verse for you from Philippians 2:13.  For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure.

Do you see the difference though?  While the wait staff at these eateries say it’s their pleasure, God--as usual!!--goes one step further, declaring it’s His good pleasure to do things for us.  He’s just great that way.

So, today as you go about your business, I want to encourage you to think how incredibly blessed you are.  Think no one cares about you?  The kingdom is yours.  Think nothing in your life is changing?  God is working in you--for your benefit as well as for His.  His?  Yeah, that kinda got me too.  What could God possibly want from the likes of me to make Him happy?  Me, when He has so many others to choose from, others who are better qualified, nicer, and can sing, draw, create?  I’m not sure why He wants me to show off for Him but I tell you what: like Myra Beck wrote yesterday in her blog, “I will step into my greatness!” God put it there and by golly, I am going to use it--whatever “it” may be.  May you do the same.

Let’s pray!

Dear Lord, how wonderful you are.  Your mercies are new each day.  Your lovingkindnesses never fail.  Your love endures forever.  Tremendous gifts, Father, that You have given to Your kids and I for one am grateful.

Today, I seek to please You in my life is my prayer.  Thank You for the opportunity to do so.  What?  “It’s Your good pleasure?”  Well, amen then!  Amen.

It's not my job

Do people take you for granted?  Have you become such a "reliable" source for whatever it is that they need from you that you have become common, neglected in your personal touch that they so rely on yet have become so acclimated to that they don't even realize that they aren't appreciating you anymore, that they aren't thankful for the things you do to make their lives better?  They have come to expect and to accept that you are the one who is "good," the one who will do what needs to be done, and that you are the one they can go to when they need but not the one who has needs herself?  They come to you when their lives get messy but forget about you until the chips are down and they need you to once again bring restoration to the chaos?

Sigh.  Join the crowd, sisters.

Long years ago, my daughter's cousin was coming for a visit.  She's a few years younger and since it had been a while since they had last been together, the cousin worried:  would Ashley have outgrown me?  She wondered if they would still be able to play, to have fun, to giggle, to relate since the years had separated them as much as the physical distance between them had.  Her fears were real and she fretted over what she used to be.  Would that be enough to sustain her for this visit or would Ash no longer find her useful in her world and instead of loving and embracing her she would be tolerated instead?

Deeper sigh.

I worry this too when I write my blogs.  Whereas once they used to excite and motivate and encourage, now...?  Now, I think my "faithful" friends just click "Like" and don't even bother reading my words.  They aren't commenting, aren't empathizing with the struggles I so earnestly put forth.  The compliments I used to receive with such fervor that helped to keep me motivated and encouraged me myself are fewer and further between.  Why, earlier this week when I almost thought someone I had touched with my writings was going to compliment me, instead he turned the attention to himself, leaving me feeling desolate and useless. He bragged about his prowess as a writer and didn't even realize how much my heart was cut to the core as once again, I was not validated.

I almost fell for it.  I almost listened as the devil laughed in my ears and said "Told ya so!  Nobody reads you.  Nobody supports you.  You've been wasting your time all these mornings and evenings as you tried to share Jesus."  I pondered for a moment or two--okay three or more 'cause it really hurt my feelings!  I wondered if I should stop, if I was getting on folks' nerves with my posts, and if I had become a duty rather than a delight.  As I said, my friends and readers used to appease my vanity by "liking" my posts but now my numbers are down and my confidence wanes.

EXCEPT.  Except that when I take a good hard look at my motives for writing and find that while my words are sometimes helpful and often do strike a common chord with others, the real reason I write is to draw closer to God.  Yes, I am too dependent on man's approval for my pride because I do fancy myself as a good writer but the real reason I pen this blog is so that I may seek that "Well done" commendation from God Himself.  If I write for any other reason than that then I am writing in vain.  If no one else ever reads another word I write, that is okay because my words are directed to The One Who knows my thoughts before I am even able to make any sense out of them.  He knows my heart better than I do.  He knows the plans He has for me and He knows that when I stay focused on Him then I will be perfected.

So what does this have to do with whomever may actually be still reading?  Plenty!  You too are doing things that others have taken for granted.  You are counted on to work these tasks that so many of us feel are your responsibility and when they are pointed out to us, then, oh yeah, we remember your works and appreciate your sacrifices.  We are thankful there are folks like you doing what we don't want to do for ourselves.  We may even feel a little pricked in our hearts that we aren't more like you, that we don't take the time to be selfless even when we are less stretched in our time.  Does that make sense?  Some of you are out there, sacrificing your precious time to do things that others of us could do if we weren't so much better, so further above you.  It's just we are more important and must be center stage rather than the woman behind the scenes who keeps it all flowing.  Besides, you've done these things for so long, who could take your place and even try to do it better?  No, it's much easier for us to let you keep on doing it than to get in your way but thanks.  We really do appreciate you.

Ouch.

Ugh.

Pray with me?

Dear Lord, what a selfish lot we children of Yours are!  I bow my head in shame as I think on those who do the cleaning at my church--for no pay.  I think of those who scrub and wax the floors when they are at least twenty years older than I am and we both know I am no spring chicken.  I think of those who plan the music and practice singing to uplift me each week and how I rarely thank them for their service.  I think of those who clean the toilets and wash the dishes we use and how I rarely pitch in to help.

I think of those whose hearts hurt as much as their hips do, Father, and yet?  Yet they keep on serving.  They keep on being dutiful to the needs of the church with little accolades given to them because yes, they have "always done this."  Guess because there are so many selfish folks like me mandates that they keep on.  Oh, what a wretched woman I can be.

But I don't have to continue down this path of being oblivious, Lord.  I don't have to offer trite words of "Thanks for all you do" when instead next time I can truly say words of appreciation, followed by either an offer to pitch in and lighten the load or if that is not in my power then with some sort of offering that accurately expresses my appreciation for the pieces of themselves that are so willingly given.

Help me, Lord, please, to see what has been hidden from me.  Make me more sensitive to the ones who labor for You in love and help me to be more generous with my thanksgiving to them for their service.  Lastly, Lord, I ask You to look kindly down on me and remind me that I am to do all things as unto You.  Keep me attentive to Your will is my prayer today.  In the sweet name of Jesus I ask these things.  Amen.