Don't Speak

As per the usual, it all started off innocently enough.  The end of the year is usually a time of reflection and tidying up those things that I want to compile and put in their rightful places as I prepare for the fresh start of 2016.

I like to keep back ups of my files:  pictures, emails, and things that I write.  I love technology but don't trust it to be around forever so I prepare in advance to have several copies of things in various places--just in case.  So, this morning as I was copying my WanderingThroughTheBible blogs, my eyes drifted to previous blogs and before I knew it, I was further back in time that I had planned on being.  And, as I wrote, it started off innocently.  I caught an error in one blog that dealt with a recent topic so I fixed it and then began to read the whole story.  This led me to check out a few others and before I knew it, the old hurts, yearnings, and missing of those who have passed filled my heart.  And that was okay until...

Until I caught the title of some of my blogs that took me over to the Dark Side.  Titles like "Attention Wal-Mart Shoppers," "K-Mart, Long John Silvers, or Me," as well as "He Was My Dad Too."  I read them.  I felt the pain wash over me again, still carrying the force of the tidal waves of emotion that apparently is just as strong since my eyes filled with tears and my heart ached with loss.  Some of the titles I didn't even have to re-read, for I knew that if I kept on with this I would be just where the devil wanted me:  stuck in the mire of the misery.

I wanted to end this year with a reflection of my life verse for the year so that is what I am going to do now.  The verse is from 2 Timothy 2:15 and reads as follows:

Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the Word of Truth.

I want to spend the time in this blog reflecting to see if I have done this.  Did I study God's Word?  Did I show myself approved?  Am I ashamed of what was and was not accomplished?  Did I rightly divide the Word of Truth?  

Yes, uhm, definitely, and mostly.  

As I ponder on all that has gone on these last 364 days, there was much more time in God's Word than ever before in my life, I do believe.  Did this make God happy?  Sure!  Did He approve when I persevered into seeking a deeper knowledge with Him?  No doubt (pun intended as you will understand with today's quote).  Do I need to be ashamed of the work I put into this endeavor?  Definitely!  While many hours were spent delving into these riches, many more were wasted on things that are just gonna burn up when all is said and done.  Lastly, did I rightly divide these truths I have been shown?  

Mostly.  Often.  80-85% of the time I did but that other 15-20%?  That time was spent still listening to the lies of the wicked one.  That time was spent arguing over doctrines that are over my head.  I daresay some of it was horribly wasted trying to convince others that my knowledge was right while theirs was lacking.  I'm sure a portion of it was spent trying to validate my reasons and rationalizations for my actions that were not as honoring to God as they could have been.  Rather, as they should have been.

So, as the year closes and the devil is still on my back, continually trying to bring me down and make me feel useless, worthless, and just a general annoyance to those who'd rather see cute pictures and read funny stories on Facebook and Blogger instead of my constant wanderings I have a choice.  I can listen to him and allow the defeat to consume me.  Pretty sure though that I have been there and done that a few times already.  Or, I can continue.  God said He'd use the foolish things of the world to confound.  He also said His Word would not return unto Him empty.  He said I was to love and use my talents for Him.  While not all of my blogs and stories are Pulitzer Prize worthy (I wish!), there are several of them that have been useful-- if to no one else but myself and my number one fan Steve.  

I entitled this blog "Don't Speak" in deference again to the passage used on the quote.  But guess what?  I am going to speak.  I am going to keep writing.  I'm still going to keep studying and one day find that approval of my Lord and lose my shame.  Tune in tomorrow as you read about my new life verse that I am so excited about!  

Let's end this year with prayer, shall we?

Dear Lord,

Thank You for this platform to share my thoughts, my doubts, my fears, hurts, and needs.  Thank You for the gift of writing that so often the devil tries to keep me from using and sharing with others who may be facing the same battles and trials that I experience.

Father?  Thank You mostly for Your Words that teach me.  I cherish them and want to read them over and over and glean the truths that are still waiting to be mined.  I want to read between those lines and ponder on what often isn't said but is implied and I want to discover what those implications are so that I may know You more deeply than before.

As this year concludes, I ask that I may be found worthy, Lord.  Through Christ, You have redeemed me but my work isn't finished.  There is so much more to do!  Mold me and make me more like Jesus so that I may without any doubt be acceptable in Your sight is my prayer.  I love You!  Amen.

The Winning Side

Ouch!  I saw this meme this morning as I was perusing Facebook to see what I'd missed overnight.  I kind of chuckled inwardly as immediately a few folks came to mind and I was reminded of ways they had let me down but then I moved on because, hey, who really wants to end the year with such negativity, right?  We're on to you, Devil, and if 2015 has taught us anything it's that you are only as strong as we let you be.

Speaking of which, recently Steve and I have begun a new Bible Study by Priscilla Shirer, entitled "The Armor of God."  It's a video/workbook study and the topic is one that I have dealt with many times in my blogs.  Also, recently I found some cool little pocket reminders that you may remember I wrote about as well from a local store called "Treasures" here in Caldwell County.  One kid at church has been fascinated with them and I have a little project lined up for him that he's yet to find out about but that I think he will love.

But I stray.  Back to the blogging!

Before Steve left for work this morning, he told me how he's going to use the verse from Ephesians 6:12 for his life verse for the coming year.  For those of you who may not be familiar with it, here it is:

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

As we've been studying this passage, it has really hit home about what our struggles are about--not whom.  Did you get that?  Did you see it?  Gently friends, I must remind you that--contrary to popular belief--life isn't all about you.  It's not all about me.  Shocking, huh?  As my daughter once said, we're all just celestial lab rats.  Kidding but...There is some truth in this.  For you see, there are forces at work that are above our pay grade.  Way above it!  There is a war going on and we are pawns in it.  Now I don't know about you, but as for me, being used is a major pet peeve of mine!  When I take the time to step back and consider what's really at play here, I have a decision to make and you do too.  Whose side are we going to bat for?  Whose side are we going to cheer for?  Which team already has the promised victory?

Mmn hmn.  Team Jesus.  Team Heaven.  God's Army.

I want to encourage you today to take some time to ponder those aggravations that have crossed your pathway lately.  Those folks who continue to get your goat, to make your life miserable, to take your eyes off of Christ and get in the flesh and wish damage to?  Those situations that anger you and cause you to doubt?  The calamities going on in the world that just seem to have no end?  Friends, these are all part of the scheme, part of the war for control.  When you can take the time to consider what is going on and see how you are being used, I think it might just change your perspective.  When you realize the choice is in you to let the madness reign and continue or whether you choose to believe these forces at work can be thwarted by your refusal to be used to harm others, change will come about in your lives.  Those petty annoyances can be more easily shaken off when you accept that those sent to pester you are just lab rats too.  I mean seriously:  do you really think folks want to be hate goats, want to be hated, want to just ruin your life?  Honestly?  Come on now.  You know better than that!

Who are you going to believe?  The Jesus Who said He has come that you might have life and have it more abundantly or are you going to believe in the thief who has come to rob, steal, kill, and destroy you?  I know what I am going to do and Whom I am going to trust!  My prayer is that you will do the same.  Let's end this year on a high note rather than inviting those who haven't harmed and/or disappointed us yet to take one last shot.  Who's with me--er, rather, who is with Christ?  Stop fighting battles you aren't even meant to participate in.

Let's pray!

Dear Lord, as this year is nearly over a new one upon us, help us.  Help us to consider Your Word, Your promises, and Your plan for our lives:  the plans to give us a hope and a future.  Help us to choose love, to walk away from conflict, and to not partake of evil in any manner.

Thank You for the gear provided to us as we strive to be soldiers on the lookout for possible infractions of the joy You have provided for us.  We don't want to fight (Lord, You know one of my biggest mantras is how I am a lover not a fighter!) but when engaged, Father, may we have our battle gear on.  Our helmets of salvation, belts of truth, feet shod with the preparation of peace, breastplates of righteousness that can only be found as children of You.  May our shields of faith be proven and may Your sword of the Spirit--Your Word, Father--be ever present in our daily dress.  Lastly, as the study Steve and I are doing teaches, may we be constant in prayer.  Without You we are nothing, can do nothing, and no good will be found in us.  But with You, Lord?  Oh, what victory!  I like winning, Lord!  Thanks for choosing me to be on Your team!  When You put me in, Coach, may I be ready and willing to serve is my plea today, asked in the name of Jesus Christ my Lord.  Amen!

Dear Brenda

Dear Brenda,

Hmn. How do I start out? A funny joke to set the mood? A three-paragraph explanation on all the things that kept me from responding to your messages earlier this month? A poem written in honor of you that barely scratches the surface of the woman you are?

Sigh.

Why don't I just start off by being honest? It's scary and may make you think less of me. Ha! As if my poor reaction to your notes (and by "poor" I mean my one sentence response of "can't talk right now but will write you soon") even has you considering me at all.

Okay. Here goes.

Although we haven't been in physical contact for over a year, the connection we made at our class reunion still warms my heart. We've had frequent Facebook chats and shared things that have brought back memories (both good and bad), broken each other's hearts as we compared battle scars and war wounds that are still being picked at on a daily basis. We've exchanged funny pics and even gossiped a little about...well, let's not tell all of our secrets!

We've opened up our hearts and souls and prayed for one another. Our friendship deepened and plans were made--though never finalized--to catch up in person soon. Soon. What an odd word. Isn't is supposed to mean in the near future? Why is it then that over a year later our paths haven't physically crossed again?

So, enough avoidance, Stef. Let's get to it.

You wrote to me earlier of how your heart was aching and breaking for so many of your loved ones, as well as for many of our mutual acquaintances. Your soul cried out to me and I...

I...

I hurt with you, Brenda. I really did. More than you know-- because I took the easy way out and instead of sharing our hurts, I put them off because I--here goes--I didn't want to deal with them. Again. Still. Our families have caused so much grief to us and it just doesn't appear that there is an end in sight. Our friends' hurts are also never ending and I did not want to be brought down lower than I already was. Even though you stayed up with me late into the nights many times and "listened" as I poured my struggles out to you, I was too selfish to return the favor to you, you, you wonderful red-haired, fiery, passionate, compassionate, loyal, sweet, beautiful soul! I was afraid that if I got involved that my heart would possibly have its final straw handed to it and I wasn't ready to end.

Does that make sense? I think you know what I mean because your tenderness is much like my own. Our hearts are big but they have been stretched and sometimes, like when a big meal is eaten, one more bite could cause a major blowout in another part of our bodies.

I am sorry. Sort of. My need for self-preservation outweighed my desire to help out a friend and my shame is great. If you will consider it, I'd like another chance. I'd like another opportunity to share with you: all of it. The good. The bad. The sad. The ugly. The beautiful--for you and I both know there is beauty in these ashes. We both know there is joy in the morning. Sadly, I let the night last too long but...today is another day. Another chance.

Here's another truth: I was terrified. I knew if I started to reach out in response to your pain, that somehow mine would rise up and because you are just so great, you would have been there for me. But I didn't want that. I didn't want to be helped; I wanted to bury it all and not deal with it. Again though, as we both know, some things just don't stay underground. They push at our surface until they come out--usually at the most inopportune time.

Sigh.

Dear Brenda, this is your sorry excuse for a friend apologizing publicly to you so that not only will you know how sorry I am but anyone else who reads this will know and hold me accountable for this promise to be better. I am not even going to ask you to forgive me because I can see your eyes flashing at me now with the spark that rages inside of you that can perhaps best be described as holy fire. Christ lives in you so much so that you see things for what they are, not just what they appear to be. You see me as a gal who messed up but is worthy of another chance (even though I don't deserve it). "Forgive you" you may scoff. "Come over here and give me a big hug so I can smack your back a little harder than necessary to let you know that 'Oh yeah: I understand. I understand, my feelings were hurt, but yeah, you former red-headed, hot-tempered, feels-too-deeply sister of mine. I love you.'"

Brenda, I love you too. And I'm tired of being afraid of getting close to someone. Especially you: the woman who challenges me to be better, to be honest, and to honor God with my actions. I let Him and you down this time, Brenda. And I really am sorry. Don't be a little rascal and write me back, saying, "Dear Darla--I mean, Stef. I hate your stinking guts. You make me vomit. You're scum between my toes! Love, Alfalfa."

Well, maybe you could write something like this. I promise I won't be offended--as long as you sign it with love. RSVP, Sweet Cheeks! I'll be waiting. heart emoticon

What a mess!

If you are puzzled by what's in the bowl, don't be.  It's the mixture for my favorite Christmas Candy of all time:  Martha Washingtons!!  I got up this morning, intending to mix up the batch for this weekend and, wouldn't you know it?  I had no powdered sugar.  Going to Walmart was on my agenda but not so early in the morning.  Alas!

But that's not what I want to write about.  I want to talk about the Marthas.  

As a child, I was the one sibling who got the "privilege" of mixing up this tasty concoction.  For you see, to truly get the insides all where they should be, there has to be some pressure that a spoon just doesn't get.  There has to be some force to get that coconut, Eagle Brand, butter, pecans, and--of course--the powdered sugar--all in the right place.  There also has to be some joy in making sure it's just right:  not too sticky and not too stiff.  

The reward from this was great.  I got to lick my fingers!!  I always made sure to leave more on them for my hard efforts.  I felt it was only fair.

My part wasn't quite finished though.   Marthas take a lot of work!  That mix still had to be formed into balls for dipping.  That was another hard part and truthfully, it wasn't as fun.  Getting that sticky stuff into round shapes that would be suitable (as well as pleasing to the eyes) was a messy business. Finally the deliciousness was formed and lined up, but...there was still one more step.  

Because I was a kid, and this part involved some heat, Momma would usually be the one to dip the coconut balls into the melted chocolate chips.  That coating could get hot, you see, and being burned wouldn't be fun for anyone.  So, with great anticipation, I watched my mom--the expert--slowly drop the balls into the pan, being ever so gentle so as to not break them.  Cold and hot tend to not mix well so timing is everything lest one has a gob instead of a prettily shaped Martha.  She'd gently take them out, place them on the wax paper, and they'd sit until firm.  

Hmn.  Marthas needing some shaping.  Marthas needing some tender attention.  Marthas needing to go through the fire (of sorts) but only as the Master Chef could do.  Some things in life we can handle on our own.  Some of us are so busy at this time of the year, we forget to sit at His feet so what does He do? Why, He puts our sticky messes into the chocolate, molding us to His shape, firming us with His plans, and creating something beautiful out of a bowl of fluff.  

See?  Look at this picture.  As one of my grandsons says "Those look good enough to eat!"  Trust me:  they are!  

Let me close with this:  as we pitter and patter around this season, let's make sure we spend some time getting into shape.  Make sure we've been coated with the Lord's armor so that our sweetness doesn't get mixed up in too much of the world's heat.  Let's look good, be good, and leave a savory aroma wherever we go!

And yet...

How?  How is this possible?  All of our lives we have heard The Message.  For most of our years, someone has spoken affectionately of this Man named Jesus.  Churches abound and are now mega-centers rather than tiny little country ones that only have two aisles for one to choose which side to sit on.

And yet we are not saved.

How?  How is this possible?

Radios broadcast 24/7 instead of just on Saturday mornings messages of hope, healing, and salvation.  The television itself has numerous preachers on it--male, female, strict, soft--to tickle our ears so that we don't even have to darken the doorways of meeting places anymore.  Even our phones and computers grant us access to The Bible in ways we never had before.  In fact, never has there been an easier way for us to reach out and get in touch with our Saviour and yet...

And yet we are not saved.

How?  How is this possible?

Is there any greater message than the one we are hearing so much now at Christmas?  God allowed His Son--His Son!!--to come to earth as a tiny baby, to grow into a man, and then to become the sacrifice for us who have strayed, who have sinned, who have fallen short.  Movies were made about Him!  Songs are sung of His wondrous love!  Paintings attempt to capture His glory and the stories?  Oh the stories that are written and tell of the miracles He performed!  

And yet...we are not saved.

How?  How is this possible?

Oh Father!  How my soul aches for Your return.  The abuse Your Name suffers on a daily basis sometimes just makes me so ashamed to be a human.  The neglect that surrounds this celebratory time of year as You are barely mentioned hurts my soul as I ponder on just what a Wonder You are.

There are so many, God:  so many who doubt You, curse You, attempt to deny Your existence.  There are so many, Sweet Lord, who claim You on Sunday mornings and forget You the rest of the week.  And then God, there are those who cry out to You in their times of need, remembering those stories, relying on Your grace to forgive them just once more, begging for Your healing for themselves or for their loved ones.  You respond and then, far too often, they return to the lives previously lived, leaving You behind until they can't handle it themselves any longer, and they cry again.

I am sorry, Lord.  I am sorry my earthly sisters and brothers treat You with such low regard.  I am sorry that my life hasn't shown more evidence of Your truth and love.  This Christmas, this day, this moment I ask for more grace, more time, more opportunities to show Jesus, the Hope of Glory, in me so that maybe just one more can see You, one more can meet You, one more can be saved.  Like Abraham, I ask for mercy on my world.  May the righteous be found, Father, and may they continue telling those stories, singing those songs, proclaiming Your Word.  Lead us to them and don't let our patience run out when they continue to deny You.  Help us to love without end and evidence You in our lives is my prayer today, Father God.  In Your Son's holy name I pray.  Amen.

Could you please pass the salt?

'Morning!  Are you up and at it, ready to begin another day in the Lord?  Me too!  Though my eyes are still a little bleary and my fingers not as cooperative as they should be, I am excited for another opportunity to be better than I was yesterday.

Yesterday I wasn't so good.  Steve and I had made a quick trip to Walmart for those last minute gifts that never seem to be the last ones.  Know what I mean?  Seems like there is always just one more that needs a little something else so that s/he doesn't feel left out or slighted.  The present I had in mind required for me to have some prints made from the photo department.  I had just gotten settled and my camera card in the machine when I heard an excited voice call out "Stefanie!  Steve!"

I looked up, saw who it was, and quickly discarded any real attempt at returning the enthusiastic greeting.  I let Steve handle my visitor because I really wanted to get these pictures printed and get back home soon.  Oh sure:  I acknowledged this soul but I didn't stop what I was doing, give her the hug she was waiting for, nor did I really make too much eye contact 'cause I knew this gal would take the next several minutes of my oh-so-valuable time if I did.  Nope, I was in my zone and focused on my task, as I haphazardly listened and occasionally participated in the conversation, mumbling something first about how I really needed to get this done.  Until...

Until she mentioned her father-in-law had passed just about a week ago.  Stunned I was because I had just seen her mother-in-law two days earlier and she hadn't mentioned it.  But that's a whole other story.  Chagrin filled my heart as I finally looked at my old friend and her husband, whose head was down near his chest as he listened to her tell of his daddy's passing.  His grief was the kind where one wanted to give a condolence hug that held on a while because of the depth of sorrow radiating from him.  But I'm not that kind of girl.  I don't just hug other women's husbands so instead I tried to convey my sympathy with my words and my eyes.  The gal kept talking (which she has always been prone to do, regardless of one's time frame) and went on to tell me how her family was so far apart this season.  It wasn't a new story and did I mention this woman can drone on and on if she has an audience?  I don't mean that to sound crass or mean but...there are just certain types of folks we avoid for reasons like this.

"Just what kind of mean-spirited person are you, Ms. Wandering Through The Bible?!"  

I can feel your outrage through the unseen internet wires.  I can hear your words of disgust towards me as I write.  I can feel the contempt I hold myself in as I am reprimanded by the truths I so valiantly write and expect you to believe I live by.  My head is hung in shame and my eyes are filled with humiliation.

Do you--do I??-- think it was a random coincidence that God allowed these two souls to cross my path yesterday?  The world has not been kind to them--on many levels.  As I reflect back on their lives and truly consider what they have consisted of, I say to myself "Shame on you!  Shame on you, Stefanie, for not being the salt and light that a dear friend wrote that Steve and I were in a Christmas card we received yesterday!  Woe is me.  I have lost my savor!"

Oh Lord, what a hypocrite I was.  You allowed these kids of Yours to cross my path and look how shoddily I treated them.  Oh sure, after I completed my oh-so- important task, I gave them my undivided attention for the next ten minutes as I listened to their plight.  I finally gave the hug that should have been immediate rather than delayed.  I sympathized, emphasized, and criticized the unfairness of it all as we communed there in the photo department.  Merry Christmas wishes were finally exchanged as the conversation came to a conclusion and I walked one way and they another as we continued on to our shopping excursions.

Lord, today You are giving me another opportunity to do better, to not value one person or deed as more important than another.  You are opening my eyes and my heart as I prepare for my day where many more of Your children just may be needing some extra attention today and You may select me as the one to give it to them.  I want to be ready, Lord.  I want to be watching.  I want to see these people through Your eyes and have You be reflected out of my own.  

As I humbly ask You to forgive my selfishness from yesterday, I also boldly ask You for more grace and love so that I can be better today.  Will You grant it to me, Father?  Remind me I am here for You and not for myself.  Whatever good deeds may be accomplished through me I want to give 100% from start to finish.  Help me I pray, in the sweet name of Jesus.  Amen.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year (?)

Tis a Fearful Thing

by Yehuda HaLevi (1075 – 1141)

‘Tis a fearful thing

to love what death can touch.

A fearful thing

to love, to hope, to dream, to be –

to be,

And oh, to lose.

A thing for fools, this,

And a holy thing,

a holy thing

to love.

For your life has lived in me,

your laugh once lifted me,

your word was gift to me.

To remember this brings painful joy.

‘Tis a human thing, love,

a holy thing, to love

what death has touched.

Grief.  The gift that keeps on giving, even when you weren't expecting it to visit.  For instance, yesterday while at Walmart, it snuck up on me.  While I was doing my shopping and getting some last minute gifts-- minding my own business--it hit me. 

My eyes had fallen on that old-fashioned ribbon candy.  You know the kind I am talking about?  It's been around for years and it reminded me instantly of my grandmother, Mom.  We used to spend every Christmas with her and Pop and by "we" I mean my family and me.  Although there hasn't been a Christmas with Mom--nor the rest of the family--in quite some time, there Grief was, sneaking into my calm, and twisting the knife ever-so-ungently into my heart.  Smiling wistfully, I took just a moment to recall Mom and the love that woman made me feel.  I miss her.  Still.

I shook it off and dared the tear to escape from my eye.  Nope, not gonna do it.  This season of melancholy is nothing new but it is definitely something all too familiar--and unwanted.  Boldly, I made the decision to be happy and leave the past where it belonged.  So, I walked forward a few more steps and there they were:  

  Clyde would get me and Ash and Nuna a box of these each year. This year I won't be receiving them.  Another tear threatened to burst out of my eyes and I almost gave into it this time.  The memories of past Christmases and all of those loved ones who are gone sometimes is just too much!

While I know it is okay to cry sometimes, to miss those who left us, and to be just plain sad I also know that the devil loves nothing more than to steal my--and your--joy. If he can get our eyes off of Christ and all of the excitement over the celebration of His birth then he's pretty excited about that.  Eyes on us and ol' Satan is beyond happy.  Eyes on Christ and the story of His redeeming love and oh no:  Slew Foot is enraged.  So, he brings up loved ones, sweet times, and happy memories and then tries to turn them into bitter remembrances instead, making us recollect the sadness and the loneliness and the heartache--things he himself is full of instead of the joy of Christ.

So, here's what I propose instead, what I purpose, and what I invite you to do with me:  let's take back Christmas!  Let's let those memories have their place but let's not dwell on them.  Let's allow those tasty candies and cookies to be sweet to our mouths and not bitter to our bellies.  Those songs and carols?  Reflect on Whom they are about rather than that being Momma's favorite and making us think of her more than the Christ Child.  And when we gather with those we still have?  Yeah, let's take a moment or two to remember but mostly let's take several moments to praise the Saviour Who through His unprecedented gift allows us the hope of reconciliation.  Sound good?  I think so too!

Let's pray!

Father, as I come before You now, I want to take the time to focus on You.  What a sacrifice You made when You allowed for Jesus to come to earth!  What pain that must have caused You!  The separation must have been extreme, as You watched Your Son come to earth to bridge the gap that was severed so long ago.

Thank You.  I know I say these words often but Lord God?  I especially mean them today.  Yeah, my heart has been hurt and I have faced betrayal and separation too but not anything compared to what You have.  And because You permitted Christ to come, like You I too will one day be reunited with those whom I've loved and lost.  Thank You for this unspeakable gift!  Thank You.

Keep Your Hands to Yourself!

James 4:1Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin. 

1 Corinthians 10:13No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.

Don't touch that!

The toddler thinks about reaching for the button on the tv stand, hears these words, gives a mournful look at the voice speaking, and turns back to the tv.  His hands are twitching as they fight to obey.

Make the right choice, sweetie.

He looks back at the adults again, sees the seriousness in their eyes and also that they are both agreeing that he is to not touch those buttons, those oh-so-tempting buttons.  Reluctantly, he pulls his hand backward and places it behind his back.  The adults applaud, praising him for making the right move, staring at each other in amazement that this gesture just took place.  The child is delighted to have pleased them.  

But then...

That tv stand is still there.  It's such a shiny button.  Surely it couldn't hurt to touch it just...

Don't you even think about it comes the reprimand as his hand started to go forward.  Again, there's that voice of those holding him accountable that shows no mercy in letting up on this desire of his.  Even though he thinks they can't see him because he's facing another way, he realizes the supervision never seems to stop.

So, he cocks his head and smiles winsomely, claps his hands in approval that yes, he is making the right choice, and he turns his back on the tv, crawls away from it, and finds another toy to entertain himself with.

The adults smile and go on about their business, again tickled with the remarkable wisdom of this baby boy, when somehow, somehow he has twisted himself to being in front of the tv again, and there's that temptation, just sitting there, shining at him, and...

And he puts his other hand behind his back--without being told this time--and one can almost see the tiny little wheels turning in his mind as he surely must be thinking that he isn't going to fall for it this time. Talk about not letting your right hand know what your left is doing, huh?  No sir:  he doesn't have to be fussed at.  The decision is made.  He is going to do the right thing without being reminded to do so.  He has overcome the temptation of the shiny buttons!  Woo hoo!

Oh, if only it were so easy for us big people to learn this discipline, to put our hands behind our backs so that we too cannot reach forward to the shininess of temptations.  If only we had someone continually monitoring us, reminding us that this is not only forbidden but also potentially harmful, and we too should flee from this lust.  If only we had constant praise when we did the right thing, and the sense to keep our hands from touching what is not meant for us to touch.  If only we could keep our focus on the good, the right, the true, the acceptable things meant to bring us hope and pleasure.  If only those buttons weren't there, just waiting to be pushed, explored, felt.

Friends, be careful this season.  There are many shiny things out there to tempt us to spend more than we have.  There are many sparkly things that invite us to imbibe, just once, "since it's the holidays."  There are many devices that can be ignited with just the touch of a finger.  There is also the wonder of if you do mess up, does anybody really care?  Surely you aren't being watched by two busybodies who are only looking out for your "best interests."  Right?  And so what if you push a button--or two?  Who besides yourself does it really hurt?  

Ahem.  I'm not going to answer that because I think you already know the response.  Instead, right this moment, I am going to pray for you, for me, and ask God to help us to resist temptation, to flee from it when necessary, and to keep our eyes glued to the "whatsoevers" of the Bible, that are true, noble, pure, right, lovely, admirable, and of good report.  Will you pray with me?

Ahh, Lord, as You so often do, You teach me simple lessons in the baser things of life.  If I just concentrate on what is around me, I see the ways I too can be childlike in my growth and how easily Lord I can be put on the right track when I just keep my hands from reaching for things that they have no business touching.

Father?  This season is tough for so many and thus our guards aren't always up.  We get selfish when the attention is on others and we are left out of the playrooms.  We get stiff when we see others enjoying things that they probably don't deserve as much as we think we do.  We get resentful when people don't include us and so we act out.  We do things that can bring harm and future consequences that we just don't want to think about right now because sometimes, sometimes we just wanna be bad.  We wanna do the wrong thing.  We want some attention and sometimes this seems the only way to get it.

Oh Lord!  How in need of You we are!  How in need of You to fill those holes in our hearts that seem to throb and ache this time of year especially.  So, will You?  Will You pull us closer to You?  Will You whisper in our ears that these things aren't good for us but that resting in Your arms is?  Yeah, there are those of us who will resist that still small voice because it doesn't demand.  And like the stupid little sheep that we can often be, we want to be told what to do.  When no one takes this step, we feel unnoticed and uncared for.  In the light of day and in the truth of Your Word, we know this is just one of Satan's tricks.  Help us to be wise, to be wary, and to be worshipful.  May our attention be on You and the wonders You have created for us is my plea today.  May our arms extend to You and to Your Word instead of to the world?

Thank You for all You have done and all that You will do.  I love You so much, God!  Thanks for loving me too--even when my back is turned and I feel like You are too busy elsewhere to notice me.  I know this is not so!  

In the name of Jesus I pray.  Amen.

Be of Good Cheer!

Good morning!  Did you know that Christmas is just two weeks from today?  It is!  And, did you also know that the end of the year is only three weeks away?  True also.  That being said, are you feeling a little deflated, a little discouraged, and/or maybe like the wind has left your sail?  If so, I have good news for you!!

My Friend Jesus made us all some promises that we can cling to, that we can claim, and that we can reflect on as our lives seem to be busier and less calm than they should be.  Here are just a few:

"For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens."   [2 Corinthians 5:1]

"But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."   [Isaiah 40:31]

"Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."   [Matthew 11:28]

"fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."   [Isaiah 41:10]

See?  He's got it--He's got YOU--in His hand.  You don't have to be strong all the time.  You don't have to be in control of every little thing. When you are weak, He is strong.  When you are tired, He invites you to rest in Him.  When you feel like you are about to explode, He's got a new dwelling for you to put those new pieces in.  

Don't let the cares of the holiday season turn into chores.  Your heart can only handle so much (if you don't believe me, ask my sweet friend Audrey) before it needs a break.  Let the Great Physician hold and heal you.  You won't be in better hands!

Let's pray!

Dear Lord, as this time of the year is upon us, we want to rejoice and reflect in it and its real meaning.  Lord?  This is time that is supposed to be focused on You, on the true gift of the Christmas season.  May our bodies slow down, rest, and look to You for nourishment and for the peace You so willingly give to us.  May we worship more and worry less is my request for today.  

Thank You for being my Saviour for I surely am in need of being saved from all of the chaos that the world throws at me.  Because of You, Sweet Jesus, I can be of good cheer because You overcame the world.  What a wonderful gift You are!  Thanks for being my present--and my future.  I love You!

Who's That Lady?

"How old are you anyways, Shirley?"  I asked this of the lady pictured above a few weeks ago, after I'd been moaning about my aches and pains and the joys of middle age.

"Stefanie, I'm old enough to be your mother"  she replied.

I gazed at her, then looked a little more deeply into her eyes and stated, "Well, I don't have a mother."

She looked into my eyes, thought for a moment, and said "Well, I don't have a daughter."  Then someone came and interrupted the moment but the seed was planted.  No, that's not quite true:  the seed had been planted many months ago when I was getting to know this lady.  She's the kind of woman who straightens my collar when its awry and pats me--heavily--on the shoulder when I've just told her I was a little sunburnt.  She's the one who calls me out when I get out of line just a little with my corny attempts at humor.  She's the kind of gal who prays for me and those others she loves faithfully.

Last night, at our Christmas dinner at church, she good-humoredly fussed at me for taking so many pictures.  I told her I needed to so that one day when my mind finally goes, I'll have photographs of those I love to remember them by.  She took my face in her two sweet hands, held it firmly, looked into my eyes as only Shirley can, and said "I will never let you forget me."  My eyes are filled with tears--again--as I recall this.

Shirley.  Shirley Killian.  The soul with a heart of gold who makes my life brighter.  I love this woman!  While she can't replace my earthly mother, she can fill that need for a womanly momma/big sister hole that throbs in my heart at the most unexpected times.  Jesus told us this would happen.  I just love it when He's right!

Let's pray!

Dear God, how I thank You for the Shirleys You send in this world to replace the family members that one no longer has--or maybe has but who isn't a part of that one's life anymore.  Lord, we need the Shirleys, the Bettys, the Palmas, the Pollys and the Lindas.  Thank You for being true to Your Word.  Although they aren't always aware they are Your special angels, You and I know the truth.  Bless them mightily I pray and may I one day too be someone's special person to fill a void that she has.  In the name of Jesus I pray.  Amen.  

Right it down!

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

It's hard to believe but this time last week, the hubby and I were at the beach.  The weather was in the mid 70s range and our minds for the most part were relaxed and strife free as we enjoyed the beauty of our surroundings and the company of one another.

Wanting to leave our mark on the shore, Steve began to write down these words "For God so loved."  First he ended with his name so that he wouldn't have to erase so much when he next wrote mine.

Fast forward to Friday.  I had a doctor's appointment in Morganton and on the way--because I intentionally timed it to be so--I got to listen to Chip Ingram's "Living on the Edge" broadcast.  Can you believe God had him speak right to me?  Chip was preaching on the above verse about peace and long story short, parts of his message spoke to me so loudly that I later had Steve listen to it with me to see if it affected him as well.  (FYI:  you can listen too at http://livingontheedge.org/broadcasts/listen-online

WEEKDAY RADIO: DECEMBER 4, 2015  WHEN YOU'RE OVERWHELMED WITH ANXIETY, PART 2  FROM THE SERIES INNER PEACE).

One of the key points to me was how if things stay trapped inside of your mind, they will grow.  And you know those things, don't you friends?  Worry, questions, fears, trepidations about the future?  Chip spoke of the times during the night he was unable to sleep and suggested that--as he does--one keep a journal (also helpful for those daytime doubts and queries) and write them down--even if they don't make a lot of sense and then to place a check mark box beside of them for when God takes care of them.

Okay, I'm not going to repeat his sermon but I do encourage you to listen to it.  What I want to share with you is that journaling has been a tremendous relief and outlet for me.  When I put my thoughts in black and white (or sometimes purple when I use my pretty pen), they take shape.  They make a form.  They allow me to make sense of them and to clarify what I think versus what is actually true.  They help to make what was wrong right, thus the first picture which is not a misspelling but a play on words.  They are there to lead me to scriptures that show me the pathway to trod to handle them via the guidance of God.  Plus, if you want to, you can make it an acronym:  "right it down" becomes RID.  How wonderful the opportunity to rid ourselves of the lies the devil speaks to us!  We all have tiny little brains and to try to store up all that goes on in our lives and add to it the fluff of the slewed foot one is often just too much.

In conclusion, there is much to be gleaned from this verse, from this message of Chip's, and from your own selves.  I encourage you today to take a few moments to write it down and then?  Right it down.  Get rid of the falsehoods.  Place them at the feet of Jesus and let Him take care of them.  After all, He is the One Who created all of those grains of sand and all of those drops of water that fill the oceans.  Don't you think He can right all of your elements as well?

Let's pray!

Oh Lord!  I am still learning so much about Your character and the way You love.  Thank You for the lessons that come when I seem to falter and need guidance on which way to go.  

As I gaze at these pictures and reflect on the miracles You have performed, how can I not do anything but stand amazed that Your power is limitless?  You indeed are the awesome God and I just love You so very much!  Thank You for loving me--for taking time for me--when there is such a large world out there.

Lastly Lord, I pray for all of us.  Our need for You is as vast as the ocean waters.  Our dreams, wants, hopes, and so on are as numerous as the grains of sand.  May we seek You in deciphering the knowledge placed before us and may we RID ourselves of the lies of the devil that detract and distract from the wonder of You is my prayer today, asked in the precious name of Jesus Christ.  Amen!

Distracted by God

As I lie here on the beachfront, soaking up some rays, listening to the crashing waves, the distant laughter, and gently greeting those who pass by, a song is going through my head.

The intention was to come out here for a nap and then go play in the pool, take a walk along the beach, and relax.  So I positioned myself just right, adjusted my towel to protect my face from the warm sun, and closed my eyes, thinking what a good time it would be to commune with God.  That song continued in my head.

♫"Can't we try just a little bit harder?
Can't we give just a little bit more?
Can't we try to understand that it's love we're fighting for?"  ♫

"Man," I thought, "why can't I be distracted by Jesus as easily as I am by the world?  Why can't my attention stray to Him as much as to this helicopter flying overhead?"

Two people walk by and my mind wonders what they're up to.  The waves continue crashing.  The wind gently glides over me.

"Is that You, Lord?" my mind whispers.  "Is that Your Spirit soothing me, covering me?"  

I look around and see a seagull flying close by.

"Is that You, Lord, waving Your wings at me, reminding me how I am sheltered beneath them?"

A lady struggles to open the gate to get back into the resort and I think "One day I will meet You, Lord, in the morning, just inside the Eastern Gate."

Distracted by God.  Focusing on Him in all that surrounds me, whether that be by sight or by sound.  "Fill me, I pray, dear Lord!"  

I close my journal and place it back in my beach bag.  I stretch my hand over and feel it encompassed by Steve and am lastly reminded that God too holds me with His hand.  I sigh, close my eyes, and rest.

A Lot of Love

What makes us love someone?  What is it about one that we would give up our selves for?  What characteristics are we seeing that few others do?  Though they betray us, use and abuse us, take advantage of us, and hurt us to no end, when they throw a crumb our way, we devour it as though our very lives depend upon that morsel.  And then, we get introduced to Jesus, the very One Who really showed us what love is and what love can be.  For many, this revelation is too much to bear and yet something won't be denied about it and they are drawn to Him, basing their lives around Him, and doing all they can to please this One Who is so worthy.  But for others, for those who don't know or understand compassion, who don't know that love doesn't have to hurt, or that love heals the wounds left by the ones we foolishly gave ourselves to, such love is hard to understand and even if we did, we feel we aren't worthy.  No one has ever put us first nor given so freely on our behalves.

I've been cheated

Been mistreated

When will I be loved?

I've been put down

I've been pushed 'round

When will I be loved?

Ever felt this way, friends?  Ever felt no one gave a rip about you and that all you do is give give give and all others do is take take take?  Not a great feeling, is it?  But what about that other feeling you get sometimes?  Some would call it jealousy and while it definitely involves envy I think there is much more to it, more of a longing to be so cared for that someone would do anything--and I do mean anything--to have you in his life?

In Sunday School, we have been going through the book of Genesis and are up to the part of Abraham and Lot.  Remember him--Lot, I mean?  He was the guy who was Abraham's nephew, the one who took advantage of his uncle's kindnesses and chose the best land for himself when their cattle needed to have more room.  He was also the guy who began to pull away from his righteous uncle and set his sights on Sodom, and eventually moved there.  He was held captive and his uncle risked many men to save him and what did Lot do to show his gratitude?  Kept living in this wicked city that he'd been saved from and wound up nearly throwing his pure virginal daughters to its depraved men in order to keep his home safe.

Through it all, Abraham had his eye on Lot and his heart was spent in much prayer for this wayward nephew.  At this time, Abraham didn't have any children so maybe that's why he devoted himself so his brother's son.  I remember doing that--focusing my heart and all the love in it for my sister's first born.  Oh, how I loved that child and would do anything for her!  I stayed up nights taking care of her when she'd cry.  I spent my free time babysitting her when I could have been out in the world having my own fun.  I hurt when she hurt and when she moved away for a time, I was devastated, feeling as though part of me was missing.  Then, when my Steve and I married and waited for the arrival of our own bundle of joy, this niece of ours was...not a substitute by any means!  But she was our fun.  She completed our little circle and went everywhere with us her mom would allow.  Through the years, we loved and lived much of our lives around her.  I guess you'd say she was our first love and we cherished her like none other that we'd ever been exposed to before.  We would have done anything for that child.

As I pondered yesterday why Lot would have so much love for this nephew, I couldn't help but think of another's love.  For me.  For you.  For the lost sheep in His pasture.  His first love.  The one He'd do anything for--including becoming a  human That would suffer the utmost shame and humiliation, Who would give up His home in glory so that we might one day live there with Him, Who would be mocked, scorned, beaten, and denied just so I could be His bride.

My sister (not the same one who provided me with my first niece) once loved this guy.  He was her world.  She gave up her family, her home, her pride, her body, her sanity for him.  Time and time again he threw it in her face--or her sides where he'd kick her.  Or in her belly when she was carrying his second child.  He'd steal from her, wreck her cars that she worked so hard to obtain, leave her, come back to her, beat her again, and the vicious dysfunctional cycle just kept spinning round and around until one day she finally came to her senses.  But her love for him was so deep, so embedded in her, that it took many days for the realization to hit home (pardon the pun) and she saw that this love was not healthy, was not right, nor was it what she and her daughters needed nor deserved.

Sigh.

Friends, sisters and brothers in Christ, we have got to show this world real love, love like the Father has for His children.  Love that knows no bounds but in the right way, not in the way that causes shame, leaves scars, nor wounds us beyond repair.  We cannot show favoritism and choose one over another.  After all, consider yourselves.  Somebody saw something pretty special about you, now didn't He?  Jesus Christ chose you--you!!  Wonder of wonders, He also chose me and as such, this generous, undeserved gift must be shared.  I can't repay it but I can definitely tell others my story of His amazing grace and unending love.

Throughout my life the devil has stolen much from me and had me believing I'd never find love, never have someone choose me first or even want me on their team.  Even when God sent me Steve all those years ago, I still had a nagging in my heart that one day he'd leave; that one day even his sweet supply of love, forgiveness, and acceptance would run dry.  Those lies caused mistrust and kept us from a closerness (yeah, I made up another new word) to God and to one another because of the doubt that I allowed to fill my soul.  While I did that, it was slowly and steadily being replaced by Christ's love for me and though my earthly eyes often fail me and my hearing doesn't always allow me to get it the first time, my spiritual eyes are being opened and my heavenly ears are tuned to another's voice, one that doesn't lie or whisper that I'm not good enough.  Through the blood of Jesus, I am righteous and one day I shall see Him, be enveloped in His arms, and behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed upon me.  Will I see you there too?

Let's pray!

Thank You, Father God, for such a love.  I cannot fathom it, cannot explain it, and cannot have it taken from me.  My election is sure and I am so thankful, Lord, that You saw something in me worth saving.  May I honor You with the sacrifices made for me with my life is my prayer today.  In the sweet name of Jesus I pray it, amen.