Lessons from Walker

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

My grandson is teaching me, as I knew he would, so many lessons on life. Let me share the latest. I broke his heart the other day. We were cuddling and I was trying to get him to sleep. He reached up and grabbed my nose. This wasn't so bad until he found my nostrils and started pulling. It didn't help that his tiny little fingernails needed to be cut. I told him "No." He looked at me with this total look of unbelief. He reached up again and pulled. I told him "No," with a little firmer tone. His lower lip puckered up and he again looked at me in amazement. I don't know where the stubborn streak comes from but he thought he surely must not have heard me correctly so he attempted once again to pull on my nose. "No,"I said, quite firmly this time and that's when the tears started. The lip quivered, the eyes filled, and the poor boy started crying as I'd never heard him do before. Granny had told him no and this was something he was not used to and it crushed him like a bug. His heart wasn't the only one that was breaking. Steve came rushing in to see what had provoked this new cry. Walker was sobbing uncontrollably and I was wavering between tears and laughter myself. I explained what had happened and Steve too alternated between relief and humor. That was on Sunday. Yesterday it happened again. As Walker was fighting any attempt of an afternoon nap, I took him out of the crib to try to rock him to sleep. Being the adorable little 7-month-old baby that he is, he wanted to explore and see whatever could distract him from giving in to slumber time. Ah, Granny's face. He reached up to stroke my cheek and then he saw it: my nose. He looked me in the eyes and went for it. I laughed inside, knowing he was thinking he could get away with it this time. I told him "No," and the lip started. A little pucker, a little quiver,and then the hand went up again. I said, "No, Walker." He looked at me dumbfoundedly and with more than a little disbelief. We had again spent much of the day together and I had done nothing but love and kiss on him and try to make him happy. How could I be saying no? It just couldn't be real. So, he again reached for the nose but I caught him midair and snuggled up to him and said, "Just 'cause Granny said 'no' doesn't mean she doesn't love you." He squirmed and I adjusted him in my arms and, sure enough, he was determined to get my nose. "I said 'no', Walker." Defiance glared in his eye and he reached for it again, but I can be a little defiant myself. "No!" The tears, the lip quivering, the hand still reaching. I could barely keep from laughing as I remembered how stubborn his mommy used to be. Then another thought came to me. His mommy stubborn? What about you, Stef? How many times have I told you 'no' and you rebelled? How many times have I gently tried to get you to focus on something else and you wouldn't, you just had to do it your way, just had to have your way? Meanwhile, Walker is adamant that he is going to have my nose and, though it crushed me, I popped his little hand and said that dreaded word again. Yes, it's true: Granny popped him gently on the hand and again, squashed his little feelings into something he just wasn't used to. Oh how he cried. Not at the pain. Come on; you know better than that. He was crying because the one he thought wouldn't ever deny him had stopped him from getting what he wanted. The new sounds of this type of crying was just about more than I could bear! I held him so close and whispered to him that just because I said no did not mean I didn't love him. I said something like "You can't always have what you want, honey. You can't always get your way. I love you so much but sometimes when you want something, I can't let you have it. It's for your own good." Something to that effect. It's hard to remember because once again, the words were reflecting back to me as I could almost hear God saying them to me. How many times have I tried, Stef, to let you know I love you but you can't always have it your way? You can pucker up, stub up, and refuse to listen to Me until I finally have to be a little more firm and tell you 'no.' You can bat your eyes and cry your sweet little tears but I know what is best for you and this isn't it. You can rebel, try again a few days later to see if My answer is still 'no.' You can fight or you could just go ahead and surrender this battle. You know Who will win. But I love you. I love you. So,this is one of the many lessons my Lord is using to teach me through my beautiful grandson. Stay tuned: we both still have a lot to learn! PS I still don't know where Walker gets his stubborn streak from!