Let it go!

Sigh. It is with a heavy and yet hopeful heart that I write this blog this morning. You see, an old friend of mine wrote me a note the other day. In it, she first off thanked me for writing these blogs and told me how much they affected her--even if she didn't comment or "like" them, they were read often and resonated with her. Next, she spoke of how she had recently been getting her life back on track and how her love for our Lord has been renewed. But then came the sad part, the third part. The part that spoke of how even though she in her spirit was willing to be in the Lord's favor that there was this mean spirit following her around. She didn't quite put it that way but that was the implication.

I'm sure most of you are familiar with the story of the two wolves that live inside of us. The one we feed is the one that survives? Yeah, that's true, friends. The things we focus on are the things that consume us. If it's the past, then our memories will be flooded with images that conjure up feelings, deeds, and many reminders of the things that were done. However, if we concentrate on the whatsoevers of the Bible--the things that are true, lovely, right, noble, admirable, and so forth--then our minds may be set on the things of Christ.

It's all a choice. Really. Taking every thought captive? It can be done! But sometimes, sometimes we have to go a step deeper. Sometimes we have to take those thoughts, along with their tangible reminders, and release them. Obviously, writing is my biggest stress-reliever. Whether it's just to jot my feelings down so that they don't become spoken words (such as when I write a letter that I will never send when someone has angered, offended, and/or hurt me) or if it's because I need to clarify the thoughts so that I can try to make sense of them, writing is my go-to-avenue for dealing with hurts.

Have you ever done this? Written it down and (gulp) released it? For instance, it doesn't do much good to write something down so you can "let it go" if you don't go the next step and let it go. Years ago, some women and I would meet in the fall and write down what was on our hearts. We didn't share it with each other; no, we wrote out our stories and then? Then we burned them. We threw them into the fire, releasing them to God for Him to consume so that they wouldn't consume us any longer. We let Him try them by His fire and in the process, we allowed Him to purify us as we made the concentrated effort to let the healing begin.

I've often thought of writing down my pains on index cards, tying them together with a bunch of balloons, and then going somewhere and praying that, as I released these issues, that my Lord would allow me to too sail above the cares of this world, to be light-hearted again, and to physically get those wounds out of my sight. Someday I still may do this.

Maybe for you, maybe it needs to be even more profound. If there are just too many items in your home (perhaps it's your music and photograph collection?), maybe you should consider getting rid of these constant reminders that are there to nag at you and bring back those hidden sins. Maybe it's a souvenir of a time with someone that makes you recall the "fun" that ultimately turned into one of the worst mistakes of your life. Oh sure: you have a lot of money invested in these items but what price are they now costing you? If your peace of mind is gone, if your dreams are invaded, and if your walk with Christ is more of a crawl because you refuse to stand up and move forward because you are so chained to yesterday then maybe...maybe you need to reevaluate what is most important to you.

I don't write these things lightly, friends. When my old college journals that were filled with my life from way back when were negatively impacting my present, I threw them away. Oh, how hard that was! But it was the right thing to do. When listening to certain CDs brought back memories of times with someone who was no longer in my life, I got rid of them. At first, I just "put them away" but the sad thing about that is, when I would get low, I'd get them out and relive times that were in the past for a reason: it was because they were over and I needed to be through with them too. When I came across some pictures and some awards and some gifts from days when my job was my god, I had to let them go too. Their power to jab me, to prick my soul, and to remind me I had failed were too much for me.

The devil wants to destroy. He wants to maim. He wants our eyes and ears and thoughts on anything other than Christ Jesus. Why make it so easy for him? While we cannot rid ourselves completely of every reminder, we can fight back. We can change that radio dial. We can stop watching those movies and tv shows, stop meeting up for reunions that we never really belonged to that group of folks to begin with, we can stop being Facebook Friends with those who may still have contact with folks from our pasts and we secretly "stalk" them. Put away these things, folks, if you cannot handle them and find them handling you instead. Press forward and stop looking back! Get rid of the stumbling stones. Make new friends or even be alone for a while. Yeah, it's lonely sometimes but it's better than being surrounded by folks who are tearing you down.

Sigh. Okay, I know I was a bit harsh but...tough love, baby! wink emoticon Seriously though, I have been there. Sometimes I feel I can never escape the sins of my past but then...then I stop listening to the lies of the devil and turn my ears to the Voice of Truth. I go to Jesus and allow Him to reveal Himself to me again. I revisit His Word rather than reading things that take me away from Him. I'm stronger than I used to be. I'm aware of the devil's tactics as he tries to turn innocent conversations into gossip sessions or rehashings of the terrible wrongs done unto me. But I'm also human, frail, and in need of my Saviour. For you see, without Him, without Jesus constantly in the forefront of my thoughts, I will fall again. At my age, this leaves behind too many repercussions and it's harder to heal each time. Therefore, I fix my eyes on Christ and strain forward. Let's leave the past alone, friends.

Ready to pray? Me too.

Dear Lord, my heart is heavy with the fear that I may have jumbled up this blog today. I just know from my personal experiences that if I hold on to yesterday I cannot live in the present, cannot experience the joys You have for me, and also, Lord, that I cannot be what my husband, family, and friends need. I was broken, no doubt. I had some pieces that didn't glue back together quite right. And some of those holes in my heart are still empty but...but slowly and surely, Lord, You are filling them up with better things than before.

Father, Your children today are hole-y. Please make us holy like Jesus and enable us to stop being so easily swayed by things that take our minds off of You. Strengthen us, I pray. Take away our fears of what holds us back and encourage us to run towards You. Our minds are the battlefields, Lord. Teach us how to fight back is my prayer, asked in the name of Jesus, the One Who fought for me. Amen.