Proverbs 18:20

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Wandering Through the Bible

Liked · June 25

 

Yesterday my daughter and I had a …spat? Disagreement? Harsh—and hard—words. It was over something I had done that she misconstrued my intentions about. Again. What is it with us mothers and daughters? We can at one moment be the best of friends, sharing our lives and enjoying one another's company and then the next moment? Oh the next moment. And the ones after it. That is when the wisdom of God is so often needed but in the heat of the moment often ignored.

I could have said some things differently. I remember wanting to. I could have said nothing, which would have been wise in some ways but then my point wouldn't have been made and that's what is most important, right? Being the one who knows so much more, being the one who has the last word? Being the one who is above reproach? Sigh.

In retrospect, we probably should have ended the phone call sooner. We should have stuck to the written words of apology, of trying to see one another's stance. With the written word, there are these handy gadgets called "backspace" and "delete" that can erase the things one often wishes weren't said aloud. Doesn't mean they are used as often as they should be but at least one has that option. Anyway, as so often is the case when she and I argue, past grievances were brought up, which causes the floodgates to open. Being wise would mean nipping that in the butt (as my dear cousin Sherrie said once) so that those gates remained close. And I must give each of us some kudos, for we have grown to where we don't say too much harmful stuff and restrain from reverting back to old ways. Nonetheless, the argument that started in the morning ruined my whole day.

I'd like to say that joy came in the morning. While I didn't weep last night, there were some hot, angry tears that rolled down my face. Quietly they rolled, so as to not disturb my husband. He has been an unwilling participant in Ash and my feuds way too many times. We're big girls now and need to woman up, which means not going to him and trying to get him to choose a side like we so often did way back when. We need to be wise: with one another and in our own households.

It's been said that I am a good cook. I learned many of my skills from my grandmother (rumor is she is in charge of the wedding feast). I don't know of anyone who left her home without the appetite being satisfied. I'd like to be remembered that way too but as I become older I want it more for the glory of God rather than that of Stef. I want to be known as a woman who controlled her tongue but when it was used, it was used for edification, for building up, for sensible things. Arguing over things that could easily have been discussed and resolved is just plain silly. Hurtful. Damaging. Why should I, at the ripe old age of 49, have my day ruined because I didn't have better control over my emotions? I'll tell you. It's because my focus was on me, was on Ash, and not on God. The situation did not have to be an earth-shattering event. Oh, the hindsight that comes with wisdom!

When my eyes are on me, the devil comes in with his bag of tricks. He tries to get me to remember things that have already been forgiven. He tries to steal my joy and make me think that my daughter doesn't really love me, for if she did, how could she have treated me that way. He tries to get me to recall past fights and times when she really got on my nerves. He tries a bunch of stuff and didn't even know that instead he was pointing me back to grace, back to the challenges she and I have overcome, back to the new friendship we share as adults rather than just as mother/daughter. He got me to praying for her and the things in her life that I feel she needs help with. He did me a favor by trying his hateful little games.

So how am I going to make this right? How am I going to use my words to bring satisfaction to this situation? What am I going to do to make restoration possible? Honestly, I am more upset over the situation than she was but that's not the point. If I want our relationship to continue, if I want for her to see Jesus in me, then I am going to have to let Him out, let Him shine through me and my words. He was there all along. He whispered to me to not hit "enter," to not hit "send." By not listening, I entered into sin. I just had to be heard. Will she listen to me today though? Hmn.

Dear God, I need Your wisdom this morning. I need to not only be aware of it, of You, I need to push aside my flesh and its desires to be heard, to be right, to express its feelings. Will You help me to once again eat some humble pie and do better this time? Will Your Yourself forgive me for ignoring Your whispers, for not applying the truths You teach me? I hope so! No, I know so. You said You would. Before I allow the devil to come in and try to steal that from me, I rebuke it. Your Words are true. I have not only if I don't ask. I'm asking this morning, God. Grant me wisdom, discernment, and a heart full of love and emptied of Stef. In Jesus' Name I pray. Amen.

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